(This poem is supposed to be shaped like a crescent moon. Because of formatting difficulties on this site, it isn't. So, I guess it will have to be a half-moon on here
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this is a really good poem. i like the idea of a crescent shape, even though lj won't allow it here. i like the lines about "streelights splashing....." and especially the "quiet so thick the sound of your breath seems vulgar." i think, just as a revision suggestion, that more sentences should flow to the next line, like you did with "the dance of/candlelight." now, with the crescent moon shape, that might not be possible, or it may change the order of the words anyways, so i'll just have to actually see it to reveal any more opinions.
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<3 ya michael, always
meg
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