i don't have the heart to get high anymore. it really does nothing. for once, i don't like drugs more than human interaction. thats surprising. i really want human contact more than anything else. thats actually true. man. i'm excited about friday. media law seminar, show, and other stuff. hooray! pyrate punx! awkwardness! nervousness! being maybe ( Read more... )

i haven't been nervous about anything in a long time really. i've just realized that in all honesty that i don't care if things work out, and realize that if they don't, i'll roll with it and come out however. but for once i am nervous and want shit to go well.

i'm not even sure how i feel. its very uncertain. often times i'm great, but all it takes is one asshole to tip me over the edge into feeling like shit. on the plus side, i've refined a way for me to tap into my lucid dreams. or i've been working on it. but i've got something good that i'm working on. hopefully i'll be able to make it as good as i ( Read more... )

there is alot of stuff i really want to do, but feel like i shouldn't. but you know what, that doesn't mean i shouldn't. i'm not wrong in this. fuck it. i need something in my life to go the way i want it to.

i'm very much enjoying watching what i'm pretty sure is the sixth friday the thirteenth movie

another exciting saturday night has passed in which i have sat at home, by myself, trying to get in contact with people to see if anyone wants to do anything. i did more stuff in high school. wasn't college supposed to be full of social situations? now it seems like everyone i know is going to various parties that noone has told me about.

i'm getting a bit tired of being treated like a joke by college drop out losers who have a shred of popularity, and treat me like a fucking idiot. its more than a little irritating to never be taken seriously, and often to have my oppinion ignored as if nothing i say is even worth listening to.

living alone has been hard recently. its driven home how alone, angry, and generally anti-social i am. its hard to remember to eat when you have noone to remind you. i've been making alot more art and playing more music, but i think i would trade that for a few moments on non-forced interaction that isn't tinged with shy awkwardness. i've been able ( Read more... )

starts on tuesday for me. i'm looking forward to having something to do. i'm not looking forward to getting up for class at nine however.

i just realized today why i feel so incredibly unfulfilled. i feel like living here, while relaxing, is brain-numbing. i barely read anymore because theres always some waste of time going on somewhere. it always seems as if going to a social situation will cure being extremely lonely, but ultimately, if there is noone there that interests me beyond ( Read more... )