Let me start off with an acknowledgment/apology (to myself, really) for never writing in this anymore. The scarcity of my posting isn’t from lack of interest, because, weirdly, I still check it nearly every day, as though I expect something to have changed or someone to have replied to a three month old entry that wasn’t worth more than a cursory ( Read more... )

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Guy at the store said I looked like I was fifteen, before checking my ID.

I’m no old man, but I certainly don’t, by even the most generous appraisal, look as though I might still be a high school freshman. I suppose I was wearing a hat that obscured the more outstanding of my clearly-not-fifteen physical traits…but still.

Of course it was a moment ( Read more... )

So I got in my car this morning and absolutely every surface in it was sticky. I hadn’t used Oswald for a couple days, but there's really no reason anything in him should be sticky, so it was weird and disconcerting. Like maybe some kids had taken it for a joyride wherein they took turns gulping big swigs from a bottle of grape Fanta while the ( Read more... )

I suppose that somewhere buying cat food and doing several loads of someone else’s laundry is considered an acceptable Saturday night activity. That place is not here. Though doing so makes me a very helpful person ( Read more... )

“Hearing problems from crab seasoning? Story at eleven.”

My very favorite two second news spot, ever.
Unbiased local reporting should always aspire to be this delightfully vague and random.

My former daytime television loves, the British Antiques Road Show and Ask This Old House, have now officially been supplanted by the two mesmerizing hours of How It’s Made I try my best to catch each weekday. I say “try my best” because, although I would gladly watch footage of Canadian-based manufacturing facilities until my eyes fall out, I am ( Read more... )

See here marketing campaigns, I don’t care if smell is the sense most closely linked to memory. I still don’t want anonymous, scantly dressed floozies draping themselves over me just because I haven’t shaved for three days and apply my spray-on deodorant in public like it’s a safety harness. I know I’m not a girl, but for me, smelling any ( Read more... )

According to Beakman it’s white. Internet says either clear or green.
I’d like to find out for sure so I can start being incredulous about it.

Because, come on, grasshopper blood. White? Let’s get with the program.

See how healthy I am?
Last night I went to Five Below, fully intending to buy as many cheap plastic dinosaur toys as I could carry. But, after some deliberation, I managed to talk myself down from that notion and instead left with only a bag of chips, gummy bears, and seven boxes of Nerds.

What willpower!