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how different?
it's been a while since i felt this low. I don't know where it comes from but sometimes it springs up on me and i want to run. This is another season where all i want is to run so far from everything that I know that it splits me in half ( Read more... ) -
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I have been feeling out of sorts all day. Over the weekend my boyfriend and I had several teary discussions about getting married. How he isn't ready and about the fact that I want him to propose to me. It has nothing really to do with a ring, nothing to do with a wedding. I want to be reassured that he wants to be with me. And I don't know if that ( Read more... ) -
thoughts of you
I found myself thinking about luke today. and yesterday. and the day before that. I remember four years ago the sweet, sad kiss. It was like burning our bridge from both ends and meeting in the middle with our lips ( Read more... ) -
breaking the silence
I forget sometimes to remember to write. I have been so busy that i don't even feel like I have friends anymore. Sometimes I want to sulk, but mostly, I want to run. I want to work hard in circles and come back to what I know i can be. I want to be social and have a good time ( Read more... ) -
panic.
two days before i start my period and the day before his birthday. We sit down to dinner, and i just quit smoking, my nerves are shot, i'm bloated, and i'm nervous. There is something wrong with this night and I don't know what it is. I drink a lady from shanghai and stare at the shadow that his drink is making on the table, take a picture ( Read more... ) -
The Fluid Hurt.
For the longest time i though that to be happy, you had to push down the sad feelings. now i know that if you look them straight in the eye and shake their hand. you welcome the hurt that has happened, you will get through it. There is no way around hurting. You cannot go above it, below it, or beside it. You have to walk straight through the pain ( Read more... ) -
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it started, and i know i need to call someone, i need a therapist, but the thought to me is daunting and scary. I hate feeling this way, and I hate knowing that i will probably need medication, because the bad thoughts are back, and the sleeping all day, and the inability to make a decision ( Read more... ) -
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Today i signed divorce papers.
I get nothing out of it, really, except what I already have. And I just feel like crying. it has been a year since I said i wanted to leave, and it has bee a long time coming.
but today, I realized just how weak i really am. Because I signed it with full knowledge that I will only get $20 in child support from him a ( Read more... ) -
TOTAL DOUCHEBAGGERY
"I have some news ( Read more... ) -
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i am trying not to think of you, but you are making is so hard.
and it is totally irrational, totally unexplainable, but fuck you!, i miss you a lot.\
you hate women. which means you hated me. in a weird fucked up way for a while you were my only friend. the one person i had to hold me together and you weren't even here.
it's because i had that dream ( Read more... )