First story for September Bridgets Flame contest.

[mullvaney]

Here it is: no happy families, no bumbling, drunken aliens. The prompt was "mud', and this is waaaaay out of my comfort zone.

Comments

[taste_is_sweet]

:( Poor kid. Well done. My one suggestion is to edit the fic so that the last line is the one ending with "mommy..." I actually thought that was the last line, and found it horribly and tragically effective.

[mullvaney]

You know, that was my first thought when I wrote this. I guess I should have gone with my gut. Thanks, I'm going to take the last line off.

[insolentscrawl]

Really good fic. Man, I just felt like my heart was breaking with the last line. Well done.

Good luck this week.

[mullvaney]

Thank you! Good luck to you, too!

[mermaidbia]

Whoa. I love how matter-of-factly you approach the danger - the reader doesn't quite know if you're really going to let him drown, and you kinda leave everyone in limbo, until it's already too late. Major case of Whoa. Extremely well-executed. Awesome!

[mullvaney]

Wow, thank you! I'm glad you liked it.

[grayglube]

I love stories like this, it's so mean and cruel and deliciously evil and lovely all at once. One of my favorites. It's like a short film almost, definitely something I can see in my mind and then leaves a muddy footprint on my brain, fantastic work hun!

[mullvaney]

Thank you! This came out of that store of nightmares that my daughter stars in ;D Writing really is like opening a vein ...

[grayglube]

Oh yeah, kids and mud and nightmares about kids in mud. I can see how it's scary, I mean kids get into things that are just damn strange and damn scary most of the time, kudos to you for being able to tap into that.

[wierdauntie]

Oh BUMMER. this had a creeping inevitability about it... poor kid.
Nice!

[mullvaney]

Thanks! Your story was much friendlier . . .