diner writing o1.

[musicsexual]

I smell like coffee, cigarettes, and unfinished conversations.There's this rainbow that reflects from the handle of my coffee spoon onto the table. At 10:15pm in the diner even my dad's employees warned him to never go into, this is probably the only rainbow around. I'm in the smoking section waiting for people who aren't going to show up. Story of

Comments

[musicsexual]

aw, thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it. :]

I find myself terrible at writing cohesive fic, though! seriously, I go to the diner with intentions of writing a half-decent Joe Trohman story, and this is what I ended up with. /o\
but, I guess this can go into my portfolio, and stories about Trohman's quest to find his gay can't, so. it's a trade-off.

Actual concrit because I love you like that, whaaat.

[silvia]

I like Neil Diamond and if I played the Wallflowers it'd be because they were the first CD I ever bought with my own money. And Spin magazine is a snobbish read.

I see what this piece wants to be, but I don't think it's there yet. It's pretentious right now. Which can be fine, but you either have to really commit to that or don't. You know? Like, there is strong, blunt language up there and every time that happened I was like "awesome" but then it wouldn't continue.

For example:

I kill myself socially. - Awesome.

I can't committ to a thought like I can't committ to a habit. - I had to read this twice like "..eh?" I think it'd be stronger if you followed the "I kill.." line with something you also do. So something like "I commit to a thought like I commit to a habit". Which would make sense if you've already established everything that you do in the first section of the piece

Re: Actual concrit because I love you like that, whaaat.

[silvia]

I also thought they might be movie quotes, but I can't identify the movies. Or a Palahniuk joint.

Ily too.

[musicsexual]

Neither! By the end of the night, I was sitting with my friend Grant and those two girls he was hitting on, and those quotes are just two of the things that came out of his mouth. They felt appropriate for whatever reason - the original ending was just some more random thoughts, then "My ending will go here.", until I heard him say that and realized it was just what I was looking for.
He's kind of like my writer-in-crime on a lot of things. :] We sit all night and just pass journals back and forth over coffee. But I'll tell him they reminded you of maybe Palahniuk, he'll be fucking thrilled. This kid worships the ground Chuck P. walks on, no lie.

Whaaaaaaaaat? Actual concrit? What's that?

[musicsexual]

See, you listening to Neil Diamond and the Wallflowers (awesome, by the way :D ) and the people who come to Blue Fountain Diner at 10pm and listen to the Wallflowers are different things. They're mostly truckers, or stoned high school kids who want to come off as stoners - play Sublime, wear long skirts and earthy colors only - and for a few minutes with my thoughts I was surrounded by my own integrity. I was trying to paint a picture of the people in the diner, not allpeople everywhere. That being said, the Spin magazine / Admit It!!! line actually got added long after the fact, I'll take it out. You're right. I'm not trying to sound pretentious, just a little detatched

[eruwenfuin]

Where can I purchase this novel? ;)

lovely. I liked it. You have what writers and critics like to call: potential. Use it well young grasshopper.

I love the part about the non smoking section, because seriously, everybody is a hypocrite. Even I, as I write this. We all say one thing, do the other and write about it in hind sight saying we are hypocrites, which in itself is a form of hypocrisy.

And I just lost myself.

[musicsexual]

Oh, wow, thank you! =] I'm not sure how you found me, but I'm glad you did and enjoyed this! Actually, you - someone I don't know - reading and enjoying this just inspired me to post it around in a few writing communities and see if I get any kind of reaction. So thank you doubly!

And. See, that's exactly how writing this felt. XD I would start on one topic and try to explain it, and lose myself and all the rest of my thoughts. So I gave up explaining and just wrote.

[eruwenfuin]

Neither am I. I think it was via a bandom community, but I'm not too sure about that. You posted it around? That's good to hear. Constructive criticism, and general exclamations of epicness and love are always nice, and good, to hear.

I like your writing style, it's like my friend's on the phone with me describing me her world when I can't sleep and I need a wordy lullaby. Unfortunately she can't give me that at 3 a.m. (she keeps a different sleeping pattern), so I get shuffled back to my bookcase.

Sometimes people should stop trying to make sense. There's order in chaos, if you look closely enough. I could try to explain to people and amaze the crowd with my intelligence, but I'd rather just confuse them with my bullshit. Forget the explanations and just be.

[nueva_alba]

Hey, I saw you over at coffee_and_art. I really enjoyed this. You write with a kind of interesting sarcasm that I could read forever. I just wish this lasted longer. :(

"I love Chuck Palahniuk and Fall Out Boy and Neverland and getting the shit kicked out of me in a mosh pit, and I dress like I just stepped out of the wardrobe fom Rent turned into a thrift store."

^^ This was my favourite part... Chuck Palahniuk, FOB *and* Rent in one sentence? Gosh. Love.

[musicsexual]

Thank you so much! I promise there will be more. I'm too sarcastic to function, mostly. XD

And dude, those are like...my main interests. Writers like Chuck P, bandom bands, and musicals. If you're into them, totally feel free to friend me if you want! I'm always up for friends who have awesome interests in common with me. :]

[nueva_alba]

Friending. :)

[lisforliz]

Wow.

Um.

I love you?

Seriously. I don't think I've ever met someone that's connected with me so much with a few paragraphs of writing. Everything you wrote... it was like I was reading my life on a computer screen. And I had to check my pupils a few times to make sure I didn't slip myself anything.

Anyway, I don't mean to inflate your ego to the point of combustion...but you're writing style is awesome. And you have serious, serious potential.

I hope you don't mind me adding you. And if you do, at least give me begging opportunities. ;]

-Liz.

[musicsexual]

Wow, I'm so glad you liked it! It was just a little piece that came out, not something I put a whole lot of thought into, but I've always found that it's those pieces that best express who I am. Thank you so much for saying those things! Wow. Okay. :] I promise, my ego will return to deflated in a second, and I'll soon go back to nit-picking and stressing over everything I write.

Whoa, hey. What, me turn down adding someone who quotes Chuck P and Prufrock in their profile? I'm not an idiot. :] Just Jenna. Nice to meet you. :]