Beautifully Broken WIP (8 of ?)
Title: Beautifully Broken
Author: my_specialhell
Rating: NC17, H, A, RPS, nonAU (in the sense that J2 are the ones of Supernatural)
Fandom: Supernatural (RPS)
Pairing: Jensen/Jared , Jensen/Danneell and Jared/Genevieve
Disclaimer: It never happened. It's fiction. Don't sue.
Summary: Years after the end of the show life has changed for both Jensen and Jared.Tragedy and self deception kept them apart, will they find their way back to each other? Spoilers: Vague and general for the show.
Warnings: Character Death. Angst. Oh, and I can't write smut to save my life.
Author's Notes: I'm packing to go to hell...I caved in: I'm writing a RPS fan-fiction, something I thought I'd never do, then SPN entered my life and since the idea for this fan-fiction came up in my mind, I couldn't stop thinking about it, I had to write it. English is not my language, so there are probably tons of mistakes, since I'm flying solo on this one. Oh, and it goes without saying that I mean no ill in any way, shape or form to Jensen, Jared, Genevieve or Danneell! It's fiction guys, just that! Also, suspension of disbelief is a great thing:)
Previous Parts here: I - II - III - IV - V- VI- VII
* * *
Jared sighed. He should have gotten a clue with Sandy. He had screwed up with her and he had done even worse with Genevieve.
~”you're so deep in your denial that even now you can't admit it?~
He recalled Sandy's words the night they had called off their engagement. It had been a horrible night, a culmination of months, of tension, of arguments and fights about something that had been harder and harder to ignore.
~”What do you want me to say, Sandy? That I'm sorry? I am...I'm sorry all of this happened!”~
Sandy's words had been harsh, a torrent of pent up frustration and anger that had just erupted that night. She had been right: he had cheated on her, had lied to her...and she had made sure he knew she had always known.
~”And you'll just keep your heads buried in the sand about what's really going on until it kills you both...
You'll fuck up everything and everyone who gets between you two!”
“What the hell are you talking about?”~
She had tried to warn him that both Jensen and he had only succeeded at fooling themselves up to that point.
~”And you know what kills me here? That I *do* love you, Jared...I want you to be happy, but you'll never be, neither of you will...you'll keep doing the same mistakes!”~
Even then Jared had pretended not to understand what Sandy had really meant. He had pretended to forget that part of their fight had even existed.
Not even Jensen had known about it.
~ “Why are you so afraid to admit you're in love with him?”~
Sandy didn't know that he hadn't been...not then. The fear had come later...but he hadn't been afraid to admit his love for Jensen.
He had been terrified of the depth of his feelings for him, though. It had scared him to death how deeply, how ferociously he had loved Jensen. It had terrified him how each and every cliché was true...how he couldn't breath without Jensen, how his smile made him believe God existed somewhere.
It had scared him to the core to realize how much his life had turned upside down and how much it revolved around Jensen.
And fear had made him screw things up so royally and completely that only now, almost a decade later, he was starting to see the dust settle.
He ran a hand through his hair, looking around, as he made himself comfortable on the bed, pushing Gen's clothes away. He reached for the remote and turned the tv on, flipping through the channels.
He had waited to come clean for years, he could surely wait a few more hours until Gen came home.
He couldn't help blinking in surprise and let out a strangled chuckle when he saw Jensen being interviewed by some reporter from E!, on the set of his new tv show. He knew about the show...and Megan, his adorable still hopeless romantic little sister, had made a point of keeping him in the loop about it.
“What the fuck, Megan?” He had said at the beginning.
“Please! You have flown all the way to New York for years, you haven't missed one of his plays and you want to start pulling this shit now? With me of all people?”
He hadn't watched Jensen's interviews, though, not even once...he hadn't been ready to. He wasn't sure he was ready now, but he had lived with his head buried under the sand for far too long.
Maybe it was time to finally get things right: with Genevieve, with himself...and sooner or later he would have to face the elephant in the room: Jensen and the gaping hole his absence in his life had created. He looked at the man who had been his lover, his everything, noting how the lines around his eyes and mouth were more pronounced and how tired he looked.
The look in Jensen's eyes was still haunted, like the last time he had had the chance to look at him in the eye, the night of the funeral, but he saw how the older man was trying his best not to show it, how much he was making an effort to play the game, for the show.
As always he was the consummate professional.
He wondered how bad things must have been for Jensen to pull that stunt in Japan a few years before. Would things have been different if he had refused to leave him that night? Would it have made a difference for both their lives?
Jensen was smiling, throwing glances at his co-star, playing the chemistry up for the camera and for a moment he felt irrationally jealous...and angry. For a moment he missed Jensen so much that it was like a physical ache, and his eyes stung with that feeling.
The report on E!, showed clips from the show - and Jared recalled that he had all the episodes downloaded on his laptop, courtesy of Megan - and he was amazed at the kind of character Jensen was playing...at how close he was, in some ways, to him. He shook his head, while his hand reached for his cellphone in the pocket of his jeans.
He didn't give himself time to think. He followed his instinct...just like he had always done with Jensen...when they had met and h had built down the man's walls one by one, trying to know him better, when he had first kissed him, after months of longing and rationalizing, when they had first made love, during that black out.
He texted Jensen, thinking how badly he had screwed things up when he hadn't listened to his instinct. He drew a deep breath, as his gaze fixed on the tv, where they were showing another clip from the show: he half smiled seeing the fan-service on screen, Jensen's character was shirtless in the half darkness of a bedroom, musing on some notes someone was sending him about his dead wife and their daughter.
He started, when he felt his cellphone vibrating in his hand.
He swallowed, suddenly nervous, casting a glance at the tv where he could still see Jensen, now smiling with his co-stars on the set of a photoshoot: he was smiling, while he joked with the two women, but he saw how the smiles he gave to them and to the camera were just his public smiles, the ones he gave for the press, the ones that didn't make wrinkle the corners of his eyes.
He was laughing, without throwing his head back...and Jared recalled how Jensen's laughter had been one of the first things that had made him fall in love with him, almost a decade before.
His hand gripped his cellphone, as he forced himself to tear his gaze away from the screen, to check the text.
“Thanks, J. I really appreciate it.”
Jared let out a shaky breath, trying to remember his text to Jensen, without succeeding. It didn't matter, though. It had probably been something goofy, that in no way conveyed what he really felt.
What it mattered was that Jensen had answered. Granted, it was just six letters, nothing Earth shattering.
Except that it was.
~ “I'm begging you, man”
“Don't I have a say in the matter?”
“No, Jay, you don't! We don't. This ends here and now~
This ends here and now...except that it hadn't. Not really, it didn't matter how much silence and distance he had put between them, how much he had tried to do the right thing. He was that 22 kid who had fallen in love with his costar and who, crazily enough, still was...and for the first time in longer he cared to remember he wasn't afraid.
He had been terrified for years...and everyone had been able to play him using his fears: family, friends, his agent.
Not any more.
Maybe, he thought, the only reason Jensen had texted him back was because he had moved on. Yet he wasn't afraid.
His thoughts were interrupted by a noise in the hallways, he got up from the bed, and went to the door, steeling himself for what he was about to do.
Genevieve started in surprise when she saw him. She looked happier than he had seen her for a long time
~You'll fuck up everything and everyone who gets between you two!~
Fear, self deception, had blinded him for years...long before Danneel's death.
“You're back early...” Genevieve said, her voice couldn't hide her surprise or her implicit question: “why?”
“Surprise!” Jared said, he took some steps toward his wife, knowing he owed her some honesty and some truths. He owed her that much...he did to Jensen and he as well.
“We need to talk.” Jared said.
Genevieve nodded and took his hand in hers for a moment, “Yeah, we do...no more games, Jay...”
Jared nodded, squeezing her hand.
No more games.
Author: my_specialhell
Rating: NC17, H, A, RPS, nonAU (in the sense that J2 are the ones of Supernatural)
Fandom: Supernatural (RPS)
Pairing: Jensen/Jared , Jensen/Danneell and Jared/Genevieve
Disclaimer: It never happened. It's fiction. Don't sue.
Summary: Years after the end of the show life has changed for both Jensen and Jared.Tragedy and self deception kept them apart, will they find their way back to each other? Spoilers: Vague and general for the show.
Warnings: Character Death. Angst. Oh, and I can't write smut to save my life.
Author's Notes: I'm packing to go to hell...I caved in: I'm writing a RPS fan-fiction, something I thought I'd never do, then SPN entered my life and since the idea for this fan-fiction came up in my mind, I couldn't stop thinking about it, I had to write it. English is not my language, so there are probably tons of mistakes, since I'm flying solo on this one. Oh, and it goes without saying that I mean no ill in any way, shape or form to Jensen, Jared, Genevieve or Danneell! It's fiction guys, just that! Also, suspension of disbelief is a great thing:)
Previous Parts here: I - II - III - IV - V- VI- VII
* * *
Jared sighed. He should have gotten a clue with Sandy. He had screwed up with her and he had done even worse with Genevieve.
~”you're so deep in your denial that even now you can't admit it?~
He recalled Sandy's words the night they had called off their engagement. It had been a horrible night, a culmination of months, of tension, of arguments and fights about something that had been harder and harder to ignore.
~”What do you want me to say, Sandy? That I'm sorry? I am...I'm sorry all of this happened!”~
Sandy's words had been harsh, a torrent of pent up frustration and anger that had just erupted that night. She had been right: he had cheated on her, had lied to her...and she had made sure he knew she had always known.
~”And you'll just keep your heads buried in the sand about what's really going on until it kills you both...
You'll fuck up everything and everyone who gets between you two!”
“What the hell are you talking about?”~
She had tried to warn him that both Jensen and he had only succeeded at fooling themselves up to that point.
~”And you know what kills me here? That I *do* love you, Jared...I want you to be happy, but you'll never be, neither of you will...you'll keep doing the same mistakes!”~
Even then Jared had pretended not to understand what Sandy had really meant. He had pretended to forget that part of their fight had even existed.
Not even Jensen had known about it.
~ “Why are you so afraid to admit you're in love with him?”~
Sandy didn't know that he hadn't been...not then. The fear had come later...but he hadn't been afraid to admit his love for Jensen.
He had been terrified of the depth of his feelings for him, though. It had scared him to death how deeply, how ferociously he had loved Jensen. It had terrified him how each and every cliché was true...how he couldn't breath without Jensen, how his smile made him believe God existed somewhere.
It had scared him to the core to realize how much his life had turned upside down and how much it revolved around Jensen.
And fear had made him screw things up so royally and completely that only now, almost a decade later, he was starting to see the dust settle.
He ran a hand through his hair, looking around, as he made himself comfortable on the bed, pushing Gen's clothes away. He reached for the remote and turned the tv on, flipping through the channels.
He had waited to come clean for years, he could surely wait a few more hours until Gen came home.
He couldn't help blinking in surprise and let out a strangled chuckle when he saw Jensen being interviewed by some reporter from E!, on the set of his new tv show. He knew about the show...and Megan, his adorable still hopeless romantic little sister, had made a point of keeping him in the loop about it.
“What the fuck, Megan?” He had said at the beginning.
“Please! You have flown all the way to New York for years, you haven't missed one of his plays and you want to start pulling this shit now? With me of all people?”
He hadn't watched Jensen's interviews, though, not even once...he hadn't been ready to. He wasn't sure he was ready now, but he had lived with his head buried under the sand for far too long.
Maybe it was time to finally get things right: with Genevieve, with himself...and sooner or later he would have to face the elephant in the room: Jensen and the gaping hole his absence in his life had created. He looked at the man who had been his lover, his everything, noting how the lines around his eyes and mouth were more pronounced and how tired he looked.
The look in Jensen's eyes was still haunted, like the last time he had had the chance to look at him in the eye, the night of the funeral, but he saw how the older man was trying his best not to show it, how much he was making an effort to play the game, for the show.
As always he was the consummate professional.
He wondered how bad things must have been for Jensen to pull that stunt in Japan a few years before. Would things have been different if he had refused to leave him that night? Would it have made a difference for both their lives?
Jensen was smiling, throwing glances at his co-star, playing the chemistry up for the camera and for a moment he felt irrationally jealous...and angry. For a moment he missed Jensen so much that it was like a physical ache, and his eyes stung with that feeling.
The report on E!, showed clips from the show - and Jared recalled that he had all the episodes downloaded on his laptop, courtesy of Megan - and he was amazed at the kind of character Jensen was playing...at how close he was, in some ways, to him. He shook his head, while his hand reached for his cellphone in the pocket of his jeans.
He didn't give himself time to think. He followed his instinct...just like he had always done with Jensen...when they had met and h had built down the man's walls one by one, trying to know him better, when he had first kissed him, after months of longing and rationalizing, when they had first made love, during that black out.
He texted Jensen, thinking how badly he had screwed things up when he hadn't listened to his instinct. He drew a deep breath, as his gaze fixed on the tv, where they were showing another clip from the show: he half smiled seeing the fan-service on screen, Jensen's character was shirtless in the half darkness of a bedroom, musing on some notes someone was sending him about his dead wife and their daughter.
He started, when he felt his cellphone vibrating in his hand.
He swallowed, suddenly nervous, casting a glance at the tv where he could still see Jensen, now smiling with his co-stars on the set of a photoshoot: he was smiling, while he joked with the two women, but he saw how the smiles he gave to them and to the camera were just his public smiles, the ones he gave for the press, the ones that didn't make wrinkle the corners of his eyes.
He was laughing, without throwing his head back...and Jared recalled how Jensen's laughter had been one of the first things that had made him fall in love with him, almost a decade before.
His hand gripped his cellphone, as he forced himself to tear his gaze away from the screen, to check the text.
“Thanks, J. I really appreciate it.”
Jared let out a shaky breath, trying to remember his text to Jensen, without succeeding. It didn't matter, though. It had probably been something goofy, that in no way conveyed what he really felt.
What it mattered was that Jensen had answered. Granted, it was just six letters, nothing Earth shattering.
Except that it was.
~ “I'm begging you, man”
“Don't I have a say in the matter?”
“No, Jay, you don't! We don't. This ends here and now~
This ends here and now...except that it hadn't. Not really, it didn't matter how much silence and distance he had put between them, how much he had tried to do the right thing. He was that 22 kid who had fallen in love with his costar and who, crazily enough, still was...and for the first time in longer he cared to remember he wasn't afraid.
He had been terrified for years...and everyone had been able to play him using his fears: family, friends, his agent.
Not any more.
Maybe, he thought, the only reason Jensen had texted him back was because he had moved on. Yet he wasn't afraid.
His thoughts were interrupted by a noise in the hallways, he got up from the bed, and went to the door, steeling himself for what he was about to do.
Genevieve started in surprise when she saw him. She looked happier than he had seen her for a long time
~You'll fuck up everything and everyone who gets between you two!~
Fear, self deception, had blinded him for years...long before Danneel's death.
“You're back early...” Genevieve said, her voice couldn't hide her surprise or her implicit question: “why?”
“Surprise!” Jared said, he took some steps toward his wife, knowing he owed her some honesty and some truths. He owed her that much...he did to Jensen and he as well.
“We need to talk.” Jared said.
Genevieve nodded and took his hand in hers for a moment, “Yeah, we do...no more games, Jay...”
Jared nodded, squeezing her hand.
No more games.