Beautifully Broken - Complete - (14)
Title: Beautifully Broken
Author: my_specialhell
Rating: NC17, H, A, RPS, nonAU (in the sense that J2 are the ones of Supernatural)
Fandom: Supernatural (RPS)
Pairing: Jensen/Jared , Jensen/Danneell and Jared/Genevieve
Disclaimer: It never happened. It's fiction. Don't sue.
Summary: Years after the end of the show life has changed for both Jensen and Jared.Tragedy and self deception kept them apart, will they find their way back to each other? Spoilers: Vague and general for the show.
Warnings: Character Death. Angst. Oh, and I can't write smut to save my life.
Previous Parts: I - II - III - IV - V - VI - VIII - IX- Xa - Xb- XI - XII - XIII
What the fuck was Jared doing there? What was going on? Jensen didn't think he'd ever miss the numbness, but in that moment's he'd give anything not to feel so much...and so many things.
Jared was right, he had channeled Dean Winchester, and it had been years since last time he had pulled that.
He was in the kitchen, now, and was that close to fuck off his no alcohol policy and drink himself stupid...but at the last moment decided against it, shattering the bottle he had picked against a wall.
“Ok...” Jared said, entering the kitchen, one moment later, “And this is the moment where we talk”
“No, this is the moment where you tell me what the fuck do you want from me!” Jensen exploded.
He was panting, now, he hadn't expected to react at Jared's words, he hadn't expected to feel so much, so strongly. He didn't think he could still feel so scared and hopeful at the same time.
Jared took another step into the kitchen and Jensen hated the way he was looking at him, because he couldn't hide shit from Jared, he had never been able to...he hated that Jared could see the mess he was, how broken he was...even if he knew it was stupid. Jared knew, he had always known.
“You” Jared said simply, as if it explained everything. As if it was everything. And maybe it was for Jared.
Jensen looked at Jared: he looked tired and scared...and hopeful. He wasn't the kid he had met and fallen in love with, he was a man, and the years and their choices had taken their toll on Jared as well...and yet, here he was, smiling a little smile, the warmth and hope radiating from his body, hurting Jensen...because he wanted so much to believe him. He wanted...he was starting to believe, and that was the scariest thing.
“Until when?” Jensen asked. And he hated himself for talking, he hated himself for not falling into his arms like he wanted to, like he needed to, but it was like he was frozen, his back against the sink, his heart hammering in his chest, his eyes heavy and the words that just kept coming out.
“Forever?” Jared said. He took another careful step toward him, his hands in the pockets of his jeans, his eyes warm and so full of love.
And Jensen wanted so badly to believe him. He wanted so badly to believe they could have it: the forever thing, like he had once.
“And what happens next time Hollywood comes knocking? Or our people call a meeting?” Jensen asked, instead, his voice thick with emotion, part of himself wanting to hurt Jared for being there, for how easy it was to fall in love with him all over again.
Jared shrugged, “Not gonna happen...we'll tell them to fuck off, tell them to join this century, we won't answer the phone.”
“I'm sure you believe it now,” Jensen said, and Jared's words were making him holding tighter on the edge of the sink, his words tasted like hope...like everything they used to have...and more. And he was terrified. And he was almost ashamed...because after everything....he could still be afraid.
“Ask me again in ten years, my answer won't change.” Jared said, “What do I want from you? I want us...I want you grumpy in the morning because you are a zombie without caffeine in your system...”
When Jensen opened his mouth to protest Jared said, “Shut up...you know it's true! They told me on set how rule number one is: 'stay the hell away from Ackles' coffee' and rule number two is, 'Don't talk to Ackles until he has finished his third cup'”
Jensen shook his head, wanting Jared to shut up, to go away, because ...because it was just too much. Because he could feel the smile on his lips, and it was weird, it felt out of place, like he truly had forgotten how to smile, and until that day...until Eliza had asked him whether that was his true laughter, he had forgotten how to...and things had been fine...he had been able to keep it together. Jared Padalecki was a hurricane and he was smacked into it, and it was just too much.
“I want you to tell me I'm a fucking slob and an idiot, but you love me anyway...” Jared continued, moving another step, “I want a home with you, and I want to see you when you come back from set all hyper after a good day, or pissed off because of some asshole director....I want you when you call some poor writer or director in the middle of the night because you're anal retentive about your job and want things to be perfect....”
Jensen couldn't help a little smile at his words, but his voice was almost desperate when he said, “Please, Jared...”
“I want you making the bathroom hotter than Sahara desert, even in August, because you need your hot showers...and then have cold feet when you get in bed. I want you to rub my neck when I get back from set, and you go all mother hen on me...”
“We had this...” Jensen said weakly.
Jared nodded, “Yes we did, and we were two idiots...and something else I want? I want you to let go of that sink, poor bastard it did nothing to hurt you! Just fucking relax, Jensen...it's me. It's us!”
Jensen closed his eyes, “Don't...please...”
It's us...
He wanted to tell Jared that he was wrong, to have his ego checked, because they hadn't been an “us” for a very long time, that they had blown the chance they had had, but he couldn't...because in his heart, in his gut, he knew Jared was right: they were an us, they had never really stopped. It had taken a moment that day on set to get that.
“You asked me to leave that night, remember? You said that it hadn't been about friendship for a long time...and I did leave... and you were right...but it didn't work, Jen! It didn't! Did it work for you?”
Jensen opened his eyes and let out a weak laughter, “Like fucking magic, can't you see it?”
“I see you...” Jared said nodding, “and I see me...and it doesn't make a lick of sense unless we're together.”
Jared had closed the distance between them, now, but he wasn't touching him, he wasn't towering over him...he was just there, the warm presence that had been part of his life for so long, and so deeply that Jensen wondered how he had done without...how had he breathed without it.
“I tried, Jensen...I tried the easy way out, I tried to be a good husband, I tried to be the good trooper everyone wanted me to be...and I sucked.” Jared said.
“This is not a fairytale, Jared...” Jensen said, tried to be reasonable, because he knew all damn well, that fairy tales didn't exist, that life rarely gave you what you wanted, and when it did, it usually take it everything back with interests.
Jared nodded, “True...” His lips quirked in a smile, “but I swear, if you mean to pull a 'the way we were' on me I'll kick your ass.”
Jensen couldn't help it, he burst out laughing...and he didn't even remember when last time he had laughed that hard had been.
“Dude,” he said, between fits of laughter, “Barbra Streisand, really?”
Jared shrugged still smiling, “I will kick your ass...” he repeated.
He looked at Jared, envying for a moment how sure he looked, how confident, and when he moved, almost imperceptibly, to get closer to Jared he didn't even realize it at first, until their chest brushed and he saw how the hazel of Jared's eyes had gotten darker, he recognized the look, the passion...and there was something else, something he had never seen in Jared's eyes: a sense of wonder, like he couldn't believe his luck.
“What do you want from me, Jen?” Jared asked, breathed against his lips.
What did he want? The simple, easy, true answer...was on the tip of his tongue, as he parted his lips, he was about to talk when the light suddenly went out.
“Deja vu” He heard Jared say and he couldn't help it, he rested his head again the man's shoulder for a moment, mumbling against his shirt, “I can't fucking believe it...”
“Don't tell me this is not a sign...” Jared said as Jensen pulled back.
“Yeah, it's a sign that my electrician sucks...third time this month!” Jensen said...but he was smiling.
A sign, indeed.
Author: my_specialhell
Rating: NC17, H, A, RPS, nonAU (in the sense that J2 are the ones of Supernatural)
Fandom: Supernatural (RPS)
Pairing: Jensen/Jared , Jensen/Danneell and Jared/Genevieve
Disclaimer: It never happened. It's fiction. Don't sue.
Summary: Years after the end of the show life has changed for both Jensen and Jared.Tragedy and self deception kept them apart, will they find their way back to each other? Spoilers: Vague and general for the show.
Warnings: Character Death. Angst. Oh, and I can't write smut to save my life.
Previous Parts: I - II - III - IV - V - VI - VIII - IX- Xa - Xb- XI - XII - XIII
What the fuck was Jared doing there? What was going on? Jensen didn't think he'd ever miss the numbness, but in that moment's he'd give anything not to feel so much...and so many things.
Jared was right, he had channeled Dean Winchester, and it had been years since last time he had pulled that.
He was in the kitchen, now, and was that close to fuck off his no alcohol policy and drink himself stupid...but at the last moment decided against it, shattering the bottle he had picked against a wall.
“Ok...” Jared said, entering the kitchen, one moment later, “And this is the moment where we talk”
“No, this is the moment where you tell me what the fuck do you want from me!” Jensen exploded.
He was panting, now, he hadn't expected to react at Jared's words, he hadn't expected to feel so much, so strongly. He didn't think he could still feel so scared and hopeful at the same time.
Jared took another step into the kitchen and Jensen hated the way he was looking at him, because he couldn't hide shit from Jared, he had never been able to...he hated that Jared could see the mess he was, how broken he was...even if he knew it was stupid. Jared knew, he had always known.
“You” Jared said simply, as if it explained everything. As if it was everything. And maybe it was for Jared.
Jensen looked at Jared: he looked tired and scared...and hopeful. He wasn't the kid he had met and fallen in love with, he was a man, and the years and their choices had taken their toll on Jared as well...and yet, here he was, smiling a little smile, the warmth and hope radiating from his body, hurting Jensen...because he wanted so much to believe him. He wanted...he was starting to believe, and that was the scariest thing.
“Until when?” Jensen asked. And he hated himself for talking, he hated himself for not falling into his arms like he wanted to, like he needed to, but it was like he was frozen, his back against the sink, his heart hammering in his chest, his eyes heavy and the words that just kept coming out.
“Forever?” Jared said. He took another careful step toward him, his hands in the pockets of his jeans, his eyes warm and so full of love.
And Jensen wanted so badly to believe him. He wanted so badly to believe they could have it: the forever thing, like he had once.
“And what happens next time Hollywood comes knocking? Or our people call a meeting?” Jensen asked, instead, his voice thick with emotion, part of himself wanting to hurt Jared for being there, for how easy it was to fall in love with him all over again.
Jared shrugged, “Not gonna happen...we'll tell them to fuck off, tell them to join this century, we won't answer the phone.”
“I'm sure you believe it now,” Jensen said, and Jared's words were making him holding tighter on the edge of the sink, his words tasted like hope...like everything they used to have...and more. And he was terrified. And he was almost ashamed...because after everything....he could still be afraid.
“Ask me again in ten years, my answer won't change.” Jared said, “What do I want from you? I want us...I want you grumpy in the morning because you are a zombie without caffeine in your system...”
When Jensen opened his mouth to protest Jared said, “Shut up...you know it's true! They told me on set how rule number one is: 'stay the hell away from Ackles' coffee' and rule number two is, 'Don't talk to Ackles until he has finished his third cup'”
Jensen shook his head, wanting Jared to shut up, to go away, because ...because it was just too much. Because he could feel the smile on his lips, and it was weird, it felt out of place, like he truly had forgotten how to smile, and until that day...until Eliza had asked him whether that was his true laughter, he had forgotten how to...and things had been fine...he had been able to keep it together. Jared Padalecki was a hurricane and he was smacked into it, and it was just too much.
“I want you to tell me I'm a fucking slob and an idiot, but you love me anyway...” Jared continued, moving another step, “I want a home with you, and I want to see you when you come back from set all hyper after a good day, or pissed off because of some asshole director....I want you when you call some poor writer or director in the middle of the night because you're anal retentive about your job and want things to be perfect....”
Jensen couldn't help a little smile at his words, but his voice was almost desperate when he said, “Please, Jared...”
“I want you making the bathroom hotter than Sahara desert, even in August, because you need your hot showers...and then have cold feet when you get in bed. I want you to rub my neck when I get back from set, and you go all mother hen on me...”
“We had this...” Jensen said weakly.
Jared nodded, “Yes we did, and we were two idiots...and something else I want? I want you to let go of that sink, poor bastard it did nothing to hurt you! Just fucking relax, Jensen...it's me. It's us!”
Jensen closed his eyes, “Don't...please...”
It's us...
He wanted to tell Jared that he was wrong, to have his ego checked, because they hadn't been an “us” for a very long time, that they had blown the chance they had had, but he couldn't...because in his heart, in his gut, he knew Jared was right: they were an us, they had never really stopped. It had taken a moment that day on set to get that.
“You asked me to leave that night, remember? You said that it hadn't been about friendship for a long time...and I did leave... and you were right...but it didn't work, Jen! It didn't! Did it work for you?”
Jensen opened his eyes and let out a weak laughter, “Like fucking magic, can't you see it?”
“I see you...” Jared said nodding, “and I see me...and it doesn't make a lick of sense unless we're together.”
Jared had closed the distance between them, now, but he wasn't touching him, he wasn't towering over him...he was just there, the warm presence that had been part of his life for so long, and so deeply that Jensen wondered how he had done without...how had he breathed without it.
“I tried, Jensen...I tried the easy way out, I tried to be a good husband, I tried to be the good trooper everyone wanted me to be...and I sucked.” Jared said.
“This is not a fairytale, Jared...” Jensen said, tried to be reasonable, because he knew all damn well, that fairy tales didn't exist, that life rarely gave you what you wanted, and when it did, it usually take it everything back with interests.
Jared nodded, “True...” His lips quirked in a smile, “but I swear, if you mean to pull a 'the way we were' on me I'll kick your ass.”
Jensen couldn't help it, he burst out laughing...and he didn't even remember when last time he had laughed that hard had been.
“Dude,” he said, between fits of laughter, “Barbra Streisand, really?”
Jared shrugged still smiling, “I will kick your ass...” he repeated.
He looked at Jared, envying for a moment how sure he looked, how confident, and when he moved, almost imperceptibly, to get closer to Jared he didn't even realize it at first, until their chest brushed and he saw how the hazel of Jared's eyes had gotten darker, he recognized the look, the passion...and there was something else, something he had never seen in Jared's eyes: a sense of wonder, like he couldn't believe his luck.
“What do you want from me, Jen?” Jared asked, breathed against his lips.
What did he want? The simple, easy, true answer...was on the tip of his tongue, as he parted his lips, he was about to talk when the light suddenly went out.
“Deja vu” He heard Jared say and he couldn't help it, he rested his head again the man's shoulder for a moment, mumbling against his shirt, “I can't fucking believe it...”
“Don't tell me this is not a sign...” Jared said as Jensen pulled back.
“Yeah, it's a sign that my electrician sucks...third time this month!” Jensen said...but he was smiling.
A sign, indeed.