it blows my mind that people wanna try to get inside my tired head

[vivian]

Ha. Spoke too soon yesterday.

Sometimes I wonder if there's some kind of power or principle or something shoving us around. Yeah, don't ask about loup-garou theology, it'd take me a month and a half to even tell you enough of the stories for us to have a place to start, but, you know? Sometimes things are too much of a coincidence for you to

Comments

[crazyprogrammer]

I told you yesterday that coincidence is a powerful force. I happen to agree with you on the idea that there is a guiding force, I tend towards that direction myself most of the time.

Some people do just really like stories, and I think your fear that "you won't be what he thinks the loup-garou should be" won't be true. I think his like of stories shows that he's probably interested in how the truth differs from the stories, and I don't think he'll be disappointed in any case.

I think Aiden is good for you, so I'm happy to hear that your paths have crossed again.

[vivian]

I don't know -- he seems like he'd be able to accept the truth, be able to at least contemplate it without getting angry or upset or -- worst case scenario -- dangerous. But when I was younger, I never thought the people we lived near would or could be angry or upset or dangerous either, and my family paid the price for me being wrong, you know? So I'm twice wary.

I think -- maybe, if I see him again, if we have another conversation, perhaps I'll talk to him as though we're stories. As though I know a lot of the stories. It'd be a start, at least, right?

[crazyprogrammer]

That would at least give you a feel for what he thinks. I think that is a really good idea of a place to start.

That is certainly a good reason to be wary, but I think this approach can avoid that for now.

[vivian]

And if nothing else, it'll mean that whatever stories he tells, after the time he's here, will actually be accurate for once! Which is a rare thing to find...

[onlytalewetell]

If he's unshakeable, you might want to consider playing with him. If he seems to believe that you are one of the loup-garou, maybe make a big show of it without actually ever confirming. Play around with stuff, but don't make it clear. There is something to be said for illusions... the way we hang onto them. If someone isn't sure of something, they're unlikely to act. Make sure he's never sure of anything, whether you are or aren't

[vivian]

That's interesting, and I never thought of it in that fashion before -- advice being something designed to display all the different choices, I mean. It's an interesting thought. I know that I'm stubborn, and all too often when someone tells me what to do, I dig in my heels and do the opposite -- but when someone just offers me options, and what they'd do, it often leads to an epiphany...

I like your idea of playing with him. I don't think he suspects; I've been trying to keep him at a distance so that he couldn't possibly suspect. But if I present the old stories as though I'm an expert on them, offer him bits and hints of truth wrapped up as myth and fairy-tale ... maybe that would be something. And it would let me spend time with him, right? (I'm shallow. I'll admit it. He's attractive.)

Thank you. You make me think.

[onlytalewetell]

If you do play with him... it is a game, and he is your opponent, your "enemy." You must never, ever underestimate your enemy. Remember that.

[vivian]

I hate thinking of anyone as the enemy, though. It just seems so ... cold and calculating.

[vivian]

I guess I could try, but who knows how successful it would be?

[hebrew_hippie]

Hard though it is, remember who you are. No matter how many stories Aidan has read or heard, he can never understand or appreciate what you are. And as a human, he would be instinctively afraid of you. I know you're lonely and want to be close to someone your own age, to share your life with someone, but Aidan is not to be trusted. Don't forget who and what you are and don't get carried away. In spite of it all, you're still just a teenager and he's just a boy. In losing him, you're not losing the love of your life, just the love of your time in high school, which is almost entirely meaningless. Don't be melodramatic and stick with your own kind.

[vivian]

That's what I'm worried about -- humans are afraid of us, or always have been, in the past. That's why we evolved these laws of secrecy in the first place, years and years ago. On the other hand, it's been so long -- maybe humans have changed? You all seem to be able to accept me for who I am; what if there were others, in the real world, who could too?

I'm a little older than a teenager, but -- yeah, I worry about perspective. On the other hand -- how can I stick with my own kind when so many of my own kind are disgusting to me?

[sara_at_guelph]

Is that Gabriel in your user pic? He is smoldering! Its a shame he does things you don't like...

[thelostalkemyst]

I realize that you are listening to your heart as well as your head, not just one. if i were you i would follow my heart but i would also keep in mind what my head is telling me so you are ready to do whatever you need to do when the time comes.

-Lost Alkemyst

[vivian]

Yeah. I worry about letting either one, heart or head, win over the other. If they're conflicted, surely there's a reason, right?

Maybe I'll just wait it out and see what happens.

[thelostalkemyst]

Yes i agree completly. Sometimes it's best to wait and see what happens. The probablem is, there's so many choises.

[vivian]

And all the choices seem like they could be good, or they could be horrible. I guess I'll wait a little, and see what happens. If something's supposed to happen, it will, right?