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Ed and Hank - Road Trippin' (21 part 4)
Part 4 of On the road again...
Goin' to the chapel of love...
Note: Last time, Ed and Hank were in Sequoia Natl Park, this part picks up on their drive home. Length: It was a long drive home... Disclaimer: Hank told their story to Annie Proulx. Jack and Ennis are all hers. Hank belongs to Ed. Apparently Ed has his eye on the fourth fella from the right. Rating: G $$: Nope. Comments: Always appreciated.
Part 1: http://myeyesaintblue.livejournal.com/44157.html
Part 2: http://myeyesaintblue.livejournal.com/44715.html
Part 3: http://myeyesaintblue.livejournal.com/45207.html
Everything else is here:
http://myeyesaintblue.livejournal.com/10082.html
Goin' to the chapel of love...
(yeah, yeah... yeah, yeah, yeah...)
"C'mon, Ed... let's go take a quick look..."
"No way, Hank... Ya know that ain't my kinda thing..."
A few minutes later...
"Shit... Lookit this traffic...
How the hell do ya always get me ta do this stuff, Hank....?"
"'S a mystery ta me, Ed... In fact...
'I'll tell ya what I believe... It's a miracle... A true blue spectacle...
A miracle come true'..."
"Great. Now yer gonna sing too...
Tell ya what I believe, dumbass... I believe if'n you get them dogs ta howlin'
'm gonna turn this truck around..."
"Good luck with tha'...
'N the name ain't dumbass, dumbass... It's Mr. Manilow...
'N baby I'll be dancin' in the streets... Gonna be dancin' in the stree-eets...
whoa, whoa... dancin' in the stree-eets..."
"'N even if'n yer doin' a slow dance... Mr. Manilow...
you'll prob'bly be movin' a helluva lot faster than we are..."
"Dancin', dancin', dancin', dancin', dancin' in the stree-eets..."
"Still don't get how the hell
ya know all them dumbass songs anyway..."
"Only told ya 'bout a thousand times before...
Waitin' on you all them years ta move yer colossal dumb ass ta the ranch
my choices were purty much listenin' to the radio...
watchin' TV... or drinkin'..."
"Think maybe you shoulda spent more time drinkin'.
Or bowlin'... ya coulda gone bowlin'..."
"Dancin', dancin', dancin' in the stree-eets..."
(btw, if you don't know the song Hank is irritatin' Ed with, it's here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i19KNRy6vEM)
"Jeez, Hank... Lookit all this... Tha' jus' don't make a no kinda sense...
Drivin' all them billboards around... Shit..."
"Think I'm suddenly gettin' the urge ta go ta Hooters..."
"Hooters, huh...?
Guess tha'd be another one a them miracles..."
"Wait a minute... Ferget Hooters...
I think I'm cured..."
"'S yet another miracle, huh...?"
"Nope. Another billboard..."
"Figures..."
"Tha' show looks purty interestin'...
Prob'bly real inpirin' too... 'n I bet it ain't too 'xpensive neither...
Seein' as they don't gotta spend a whole lotta money
on fancy costumes or nothin'..."
"No way am I goin' ta that, Hank...
'n we ain't stoppin' nowheres else neither...
Ya know I wanna get home ta day..."
"I was just sayin'..."
"Ferget it..."
A minute later...
"Ed... Ed... Ed..."
"Wha'...?"
"Traffic's movin'... so's ya migh' wanna
try 'n drag yer eyes off a tha' fourth fella from the right
'n move this here truck along..."
"I weren't..."
"Tha's an awful guilty shade a red yer turnin'
fer someone tha' weren't..."
"But..."
"Think maybe I was right about them still waters 'n all...
You considerin' runnin' amok...?"
"I weren't..."
"'S okay, dumbass...
It ain't against no law ta look... not yet anyways...
'Course 'm still gonna hafta hunt tha' fella down 'n kill him...
Too bad about tha'..."
"Well, lucky fer him I still ain't stoppin'..."
"We can't stop nowheres anyways...
'cause it's way too warm ta leave the dogs in the truck."
"Woof." "Woof."
"Don't worry fellas...
I won't let Ed leave ya swelterin' in the truck
while he runs amok with bachelor number 4th from the right ..."
"Woof." "Woof."
"Okay... maybe I was lookin'...
But... I weren't lookin' at no one in particular...
I was jus' lookin'... in gen'ral..."
"So's ya weren't lookin' at tha' fella who looks
just a l'il bit like tha' Jake fella...?"
"Cain't say as I noticed."
"Ya know I know ya got a thing fer him..."
"I do not got a thing fer him... 'Sides...
tha' fella fourth from the right don't look nothin' like him..."
"Guess you'd be the expert...
'N don't worry... I won't go blabbin' ta Clint 'bout it...
Yer secret's safe with me..."
"'N ya know damn well the only thing I got fer anyone's
reserved jus' fer you..."
"Then ya won't mind if'n I put a sign on it ta that effect..."
"Ya do realize yer the one tha' started all this...?
Pointin' out tha' billboard 'n all..."
"Coulda sworn tha' was you..."
"'N speakin' a lookin'...
Are ya lookin' at all this stuff real good, Hank...?"
"Yep... I'm lookin' real good...
'N takin' some pictures too..."
"Good. Cause I figure... seein' all this...
you can cross a whole buncha stuff off a tha' list a places ya wanna go...
them Pyramids... 'n New York... 'n Paris...
'n Rome... 'n Venice..."
"It ain't 'xactly the same, dumbass... 'Sides...
even if'n it were the same... which it sure as hell ain't...
tha'd hardly make no kinda dent in the big ol' list I got goin'..."
"Figures."
"Hey... Lookit that, Ed...
Guess there just ain't no gettin' way from the real world...
No matter how hard I try..."
"There's protestin' even in Las Vegas, huh...?
Maybe there is some hope fer this here country yet..."
"Looks like they got some extra signs...
Maybe they got one tha' says 'Impeach Them Colossal Dumbasses'...
C'mon, let's park this here truck 'n join 'em fer a l'il while..."
"Ya jus' got through sayin' it's way too warm
ta leave the dogs in the truck...
'N it is way too warm..."
"But otherwise I s'pose you'd be more'n happy ta grab a big ol' sign
'n march 'round chantin' 'n yellin...?"
"Don't know 'bout the chantin' 'n yellin...
but I migh' jus' be angry 'nough ta grab myself a sign
'n walk 'round with it fer a l'il while..."
"Well then why don't we jus' park this here truck
'n bring them dogs along with us...?"
"Ain't bringin' 'em around so's many folks like tha'...
Even drivin' down this here street's been makin' 'em kinda nervous..."
"'True 'nough... Too bad though..."
"I wonder why they're protestin' outside tha' Venetian casino...?
Seems kinda odd-like ta me..."
"Maybe it's because
it ain't made no diff'rence tryin' ta protest ta our own gov'rment...
so's they're appealin' ta other countries ta somehow stop these maniacs fer us...
So's maybe Italy'll invade next week 'n save us from
our own dumbass evil dictator..."
"Wouldn' hold yer breath, Hank...
Ain't no cavalry gonna come gallopin' in
ta save us from ourselves..."
"Yeah... Too bad them other dumbasses that are s'posed ta be our cavalry
jus' keep ridin' 'round in circles 'n shootin' at each other..."
"So's... It looks like we're way past the main part a tha' Strip...
How 'bout I turn left at the next light 'n we
head back ta the interstate...?"
"No way, Ed... Let's go a l'il further 'fore we turn around..."
"'Xactly how much further...?
I don't wanna go all the way downtown..."
"It ain't tha' far."
"It ain't tha' near neither.
I know damn well tha' sign is a ways from downtown...
Don't know why they put it so's far out..."
"Prob'bly so's folks would think they're somewheres
even if'n they ain't."
"Well I ain't goin' no further than downtown."
"Hey... looks like they still got
a buncha them weddin' chapels along this part a the strip...
How 'bout we take a look 'n pick out where we wanna tie the knot legal-like...?
That is if'n this here 'land a the not so free as we used ta be'
ever decides tha' we deserve the same rights
as everybody else's got..."
"Wouldn' hold yer breath 'bout tha' neither, Hank..."
"Hey... How 'bout tha' place...? It'd prob'bly be fun...
Says so right on the sign..."
"No thanks."
"Or that one...?
After we get hitched we could get a room...
'n watch some free movies... bet they got some real inspirin' ones..."
"Rooms from $33.00...?
I dunno, Hank... Tha' seems a l'il steep..."
"Tha' price prob'bly includes bedbugs at no extra charge."
"Tha's all we need...
I already got you buggin' me in bed plenty..."
"I think the word yer lookin' fer is..."
"I know what the word is, dumbass..."
"Ya sure...?
I'd be happy ta demonstrate later on...
jus' ta make sure we're thinkin' the same thing 'n all..."
"Well... maybe jus' ta make sure we're thinkin' the same thing..."
"So's... How 'bout this place...? Or tha' one...?"
"No thanks."
"Or this one maybe...?"
"Ferget it."
"Or we could get hitched by one a them Elvis impersonators...
like we talked 'bout a while back... Seem ta recall you preferrin' the young Elvis...
Hey... 'N maybe the both of us could dress up like Elvis too...
How 'bout I wear tha' black leather jacket 'n pants
'n you wear a sequined jumpsuit...?"
"Shit."
"No...? Then how 'bout this one...?
We'll prob'bly be a whole lot older by the time we can do it legal-like...
so's maybe this one would be best... we wouldn' hafta walk down no aisle or nothin'...
wouldn' even hafta haul our tired ol' asses outta the truck...
'n Edthedog 'n Hankthedog could be our best men..."
"Least-wise maybe we could get a couple a burgers
'n some fries at the same time..."
"'N it's got one a them psychics next door... tha' way we can go there first...
ask tha' psychic if'n we're gonna live happily ever after..."
"Thought you were psychic, dumbass."
"I ain't psychic...
I just get gut feelin's ev'ry now 'n again...
'n none too often at tha'..."
"Wha's yer gut tellin' ya now...?"
"Tha' you ain't gonna like tha' place there neither..."
"That one migh' be okay... 'Cause if'n tha' psychic's wrong
'n we decide right afterwards tha' maybe we rushed inta somethin'
we can head next door ta tha' lawyer's office
'n get us a divorce..."
"Guess we could be
rushin' inta somethin' 'n makin' a big' ol' mistake...
After all... we've only known each other
fer forty-some years..."
"Think tha'd be forty-odd years..."
"True 'nough..."
"'N ya know wha' they say...
'bout folks not revealin' their true selves 'til after they're hitched...
so's I figure you jus' migh' get even more annoyin'...
'Course... I doubt tha'd actually
be poss'ble..."
"Thanks a lot."
"But... I gotta tell ya, Hank...
I wouldn' really wanna do it no place like these places..."
"'S okay by me... But jus' goin' to some office or somethin'.... tha' don't seem right neither..."
"I dunno, Hank... Maybe... if'n we ever could... make it legal-like... maybe we could jus' do it somewheres on the ranch... maybe go ta our spot... 'mongst all them cairns... Or maybe just in the house or in the yard... if'n we wanna keep tha' spot to ourselves 'n all... 'n maybe it could jus' be in fron' a Iris... 'n Bill 'n Betty... 'n Betty's mom... 'n Ruth... 'n maybe Ruth's two kids 'n their kids... if'n they'd wanna come... know Ruth would... ain't sure 'bout her kids 'n their families... but I figure we couldn' not ask 'em if'n we were askin' Ruth... 'n I'd wanna ask Ruth... Maybe we could leave invitin' them or not up ta her... Ain't real sure 'bout askin' Nora neither... we get along well 'nough... 'n I know Iris would like her ta be there... jus' don't know if'n tha'd be too odd-like fer me... fer us... ta have Nora there... 'n odd-like fer her too..."
"Ed..."
"'N then after... I thought maybe we could just have kinda a picnic or somethin'... if'n it were a nice day... jus' keep it real simple... 'n maybe fer dessert have a few pies instead a a cake... 'Course a cake would be alrigh' too if'n ya'd wanna have a cake... in addition ta them pies that is... not instead of 'em... 'N no shovin' cake or pie in each other's faces... tha's jus' stupid... 'N there ain't no way I'm gettin' dressed up... 'm gonna wear jeans... blue ones not black ones... 'n a real plain shirt... 'n no goddamn tie neither... well... maybe one a them bola ties... but only if'n ya make me... 'n nothin' gaudy..."
"Jeez, Ed..."
"'Spose you got somethin' a whole lot grander in mind...?"
"No... You... It sounds like you... like you been thinkin' on this... fer a while..."
"I dunno... Maybe justa l'il..."
"I never woulda thought... It never even woulda occurred ta me... Tha'd ya'd want all tha'... other folks there 'n a kinda a party 'n all..."
"I don't want no party... justa picnic or somethin'... 'n it jus' seems like havin' them few folks around would be okay..."
"Sounds real good, Ed... Sounds perfect as a matter a fact... But..."
"But wha'...?"
"But... Ya know... like ya said before 'bout me not holdin' m' breath... the state we live in would be 'bout the last state tha'd ever make it legal fer us ta get hitched... 'n I know things are really startin' ta change some up north, but... 'n I sure hate ta say this... I still don't know if'n it'll happen in our lifetime..."
"I know, Hank."
"So's... maybe we shouldn' wait fer tha' ta happen... I know we already 'xchanged rings 'n all... but... maybe... we could just have all them folks over anyways... 'n say if'n we could we would 'n as far as we're concerned we already are... in fron' a them 'n all..."
"Shit. I dunno, Hank... Think most of 'em already know if'n we could we would."
"Yeah, but..."
"'N I don't think I wanna go through all that if'n it ain't gonna be fer nothin'... 'N then if'n they do ever make it legal-like we'd jus' hafta do it all again... Shit..."
"Wouldn' be fer nothin'... Lots a folks have them 'we would if'n we could but we cain't so's we're doin' this instead' kinda things... But... if'n ya don't wanna do tha' we don't gotta... 'Course... we could just have folks over fer the hell of it... We ain't seen Ruth in a while... 'n I know Iris would really like gettin' ta gether with her aunt 'n her cousins..."
"Shit... I dunno, Hank..."
"Well... Jus' think on it..."
"Okay... But I ain't promisin' nothin'..."
"Tha's all 'm askin'... 'Xcept..."
"Wha'...?"
"Nora...? Do we really gotta invite Nora...?"
"Prob'bly... But I'll think on tha' too..."
"Okay... 'N Ed...?"
"Yeah...?"
"I wouldn' never make ya wear no tie... well... least-wise not around yer neck anyways... migh' tie one 'round each a yer wrists 'fore I commence ta..."
"Buggin' me...?"
"Close enough. C'mon, Ed... Let's head home... Turn left here... think we can get ta the interstate from this here street..."
"You feelin' okay...?"
"Yeah... 'M feelin' jus' fine. Better 'n fine even."
"Thought fer sure you'd be pesterin' me ta stay fer a while longer... so's you could see ev'rythin' all lit up at night... 'n find a bar 'n have a drink... maybe gamble some of our hard-earned money away..."
"Nah... even once it cools off... I still wouldn' feel righ' leavin' them dogs alone in the truck in one a them big ol' parkin' garages... or on the street fer tha' matter... 'Sides... I jus' wanna get you home 'n get you in our big ol' bed 'n have my way with ya..."
"Ya do always get yer way..."
"Yeah... I do, don't I...? Most a the time anyways... Hey... why didn' ya turn there...?"
"'Cause I know ya'd still like ta go downtown... whether yer sayin' so or not... 'n we're almos' there anyways... 'n it won't take tha' long... then we'll be on our way... 'n you'll still have plenty a time ta have yer way with me later on..."
"Thanks, Ed..."
"Yer welcome."
"Hey... Lookit tha'... I read 'bout that a while back...
They been fixin' up some a them old signs
'n puttin' 'em up around here..."
"I like that old stuff..."
"Yeah. Me too... I'd really like ta come back withou' the dogs sometime 'n find 'em all...
'N I'd like ta see them signs that aint been fixed up too...if'n they let ya...
I think they used ta... but I ain't sure if'n they still do..."
"I wouldn' mind tha' neither..."
"Ya wouldn'...?"
"Nope."
"Tha's good ta know... Hey... Pull over here, Ed...
I wanna get out 'n take a picture..."
"Don't wander off 'n leave me here waitin' ferever..."
"Jus' be a minute..."
A few minutes later...
"Wha' were you 'n tha' fella talkin' about...?"
"Nothin' much... He's hungry...
so's 'm gonna give him a couple a sandwiches 'n whatnot...
He said he likes cheese with mustard..."
"He looks kinda crazy..."
"Yeah... He's real crazy...
But bein' crazy don't mean ya don't get hungry."
"'True 'nough.
He looks a l'il drunk too maybe..."
"Ya want me ta give him a lecture on the importance
a stayin' clean 'n sober before I give him
these here sandwiches...?"
"Didn' mean it tha' way, dumbass..."
"I know ya didn', Ed...
'S jus' that all this country seems ta do
fer them folks who are too crazy ta take care a themselves
is turn them out onta the streets 'n say good luck
takin' care a yer selves..."
"Yeah... It ain't good."
"Oh 'n by the by 'n by the way...
you'd be doin' us a big ol' favor if'n you could
tone down the craziness a l'il 'n jus' say 'no' ta booze 'n drugs
while yer livin' it up 'n tha' big ol' carboard box
ya call home sweet home..."
"Guess there's some awful big cracks all these
folks are fallin' through..."
"Yeah... 'n I'm afraid them cracks
are jus' gonna keep gettin' bigger..."
"'Fraid they are too..."
"I'll be righ' back..."
A minute later...
"Wha' was goin' on...?
He seemed kinda upset with ya..."
"He were upset because
we didn' have no pickles ta give him..."
"'Cause we didn't have no pickles...?"
"He's crazy, Ed... 'N he must love pickles...
Least-wise he still took the sandwiches 'n all...
"Guess maybe he ain't had no pickles
in a real long time..."
"Maybe not...
Wish we woulda had some..."
"Yeah... me too..."
"Boy... There ain't near as many folks
hangin' 'round downtown..."
"Nope.
There sure ain't."
"It's prob'bly better lookin' at night."
"Think tha's a purty safe bet, Hank..."
"Guess they're s'posed ta have some kinda light show...
up on tha' white roof-thing..."
"I'll take yer word fer it."
"'N maybe it helps if'n yer drinkin'...
Prob'bly makes it seem less like a shoppin' mall
'n more excitin' 'n all..."
"I wouldn' bet on it."
"Well, I think we seen 'bout as much as we can
withou' parkin' the damn truck..."
"Guess them dogs are crampin' yer style, huh...?"
"Nah... Well... maybe a l'il...
But I'm jus' glad they're willin' ta come along with us now."
"Woof." "Woof."
"So's... I guess I should jus' point this truck
towards home...?"
"Yeah... Home sounds real good ta me."
About an hour later...
"Hey, Lookit tha'..."
"Ain't never seen folks bring their church along with 'em campin' before..."
"That ain't campin'."
"I mean camp-lottin'."
"What the hell d'ya s'pose a Mormon church is doin' out in the middle a nowhere like tha'...? They're usually in the middle a neighborhoods... Hope tha' don't mean a buncha houses are gonna be springin' up 'round there... Shit..."
"Maybe they got wheels on tha' church... so's they can haul their god 'round with 'em wherever they go..."
"Wouldn' be surprised..."
"But... Did I tell ya...? 'Fore we left... I read tha' tha' Mormon god don't hate gays no more..."
"He don't...?"
"Nope. He changed his mind... last fall it was... don't know how I missed it... 'n so's all them Mormons don't hate gays no more neither..."
"Yer pullin' my leg... righ'...?"
"Nope."
"Ya'd think some a them townsfolk woulda dropped off a fruit basket... or some cookies or somethin'... with a nice note sayin' we don't hate ya'll no more..."
"Well... there is one l'il catch..."
"A lil catch, huh...?"
"Yep. It's okay ta be gay... It just ain't okay fer gay folks ta have gay sex with each other..."
"Figures..."
"They're sayin' it ain't no diff'rent than straight folks havin' sex outside a bein' bound ta gether in holy matrimony... It ain't right neither way."
"So's... does tha' mean they're gonna let gay folks get hitched...?"
"Nope. 'S okay ta be gay. But if'n ya are gay ya still cain't get married. Least-wise not ta another gay person. Tha'd jus' be wrong. 'Course they still don't got no problem with gay folks marryin' straight folks... seems ta be encouraged even..."
"But I thought ya said they said bein' gay ain't wrong...?"
"It ain't wrong. But apparently it still ain't right neither."
"So's... lemme get this straight... no pun intended... 'S okay ta be gay. It just ain't okay ta be gay."
"'I think yer beginnin' ta see the light."
"Think tha' light's givin' me a big ol' headache..."
"It ain't all tha' complicated... Near as I can figure... they still hate wha' gay folks do... ya know... wha' with all the kissin' 'n sex-havin' 'n fallin' in love with someone 'n wantin' ta share yer life with 'em 'n whatnot... Makes 'em a l'il queasy I guess... But so's long as gay folks don't do nothin' stomach-turnin' like any a tha'... it's okay with them Mormons if'n folks are gay..."
"Well... in tha' case I'm afraid they still ain't gonna like us too much... Jus' don't think I could give up all the whatnot..."
"Yeah... Me neither... Too bad though... we prob'bly coulda made us a buncha new gay-lovin' friends if'n we could jus' stop bein' so gay 'n all..."
"Well...ya know wha' they say... with friends like tha'... ya don't really need a whole lotta enemies..."
A ways further down the road...
"Get off here, Ed... 'S my turn ta drive..."
"I'll pull off at the next exit..."
"'S way too far ta the next exit...
C'mon... Take this one..."
"Ain't nothin' at this one...
Jus' leads ta some dirt roads tha' lead
ta the middle a nowhere..."
"Why the hell would tha' matter...? We're just switchin' drivers...
'n I think them dogs gotta stop too..."
"Woof." "Woof."
"Fine. I'll take this one."
"Damn, Ed... Lookit them fellas...
Does tha' remind ya of anythin'...?"
"Yeah... Sure does...
How many times you figure we said good-bye
ta each other like tha'...?"
"A helluva lot... Tha's fer damn sure."
A few minutes later...
"Wha' took ya so long, Ed...?"
"Weren't me... 'S Hankthedog...
He's gotta sniff ev'ery rock 'n a quarter mile circle
'fore he can decide which one is most deservin' a bein pissed on..."
"Wouldn' wanna piss on the wrong rock... Wouldya boy...?
No tellin' wha' migh' happen..."
"Woof."
"Them fellas are still there, huh...?"
"Yep."
"Do ya think they're...?"
"In love...? I dunno, Ed... But... if'n I had ta bet...
from all the time they're takin'... 'n the way they been standin' there...
'n the way they been lookin' at each other...
I'd be bettin' they are..."
"Think maybe yer right... So's...
D'ya think we were as bad as hidin' it as they are...?"
"I dunno... Prob'bly...
if'n anyone were lookin' real close..."
"It don't feel right somehow... sittin' here 'n watchin' 'em..."
"It sure don't...
So's how 'bout we get goin'...?"
"Yeah... But first..."
A minute later...
"Damn, Ed... Cain't hardly believe ya did tha'... right in fron' a them fellas 'n all..."
"They ain't noticin' nothin' but each other... 'N there ain't no one else around... 'n I figured... maybe..."
"Maybe wha'...?"
"Nevermind... it's jus' stupid..."
"Ya cain't tell me tha' 'n then not tell me no more..."
"I jus' figured... I dunno... I jus' thought... Maybe we could do what they're prob'bly wantin' ta do... 'n wha' we wanted ta do all them times we said good-bye... but didn't do... or couldn' do..."
"So's... tha' kiss... it was kinda like a good-bye kiss... fer them two fellas...?"
"Somethin' like tha'... Told ya it was stupid..."
"It ain't stupid, Ed..."
"Well, this whole damn country sure is stupid... Least-wise big parts of it are..."
"Ya got tha' right..."
"Sure wish it were diff'rent..."
"I do too, Ed... 'N things are changin'... 'n have changed... a whole lotta places... But... I think the only way anythin's ever gonna change 'round these parts is if'n folks like them two fellas over there... 'n I think maybe there's a whole lot more of 'em than we'd guess... decide ta change things fer themselves.... 'n live their lives like they wanna... like you fin'lly did... like we fin'lly did... like so many folks have done in other places..."
"'S a lot easier said than done, Hank..."
"I know tha'... But... them places where it did change... It didn' happen withou' no one makin' it happen... a whole lotta gay folks worked real hard ta change things... sometimes jus' by bein' who they were 'n livin' how they wanted ta live... 'n sometimes by fightin' ta get stupid laws changed... 'n sometimes by gettin' out in the streets 'n havin' parades 'n showin' each other 'n other folks tha' they were there 'n they weren't about ta go away... Hell... I think maybe we should try ta get ta one a them parades this year... Think maybe it's about way past time... 'n I bet it'd be a whole lotta fun too..."
"But... ain't them parades jus' fer other gay folks... ya know... them fellas who're more... outgoin'... 'n fer them... uh... fancier... fellas... not fer folks like us..."
"Them parades are fer ev'rybody, Ed... 'n I said it before 'n I'll say it again... we both know all gay folks ain't alike no more than all straight folks are alike... Hell... there's even out-a-the-closet gay Republicans 'n gay Mormons... but I'd bet the ranch that all of us... includin' them gay Mormons 'n gay Republicans... whether they're willin' ta admit it or not... want the same things... ta be able ta be who we are 'n love who we wanna love 'n have the same rights everybody else has got... 'N them 'more outgoin' fellas... 'n them 'fancier' fellas you were referrin' to... they're the ones who've been on the front lines... fightin' fer us all... 'n they may be the most outspoken... 'n the most visible... but it ain't a fight any of us should be ignorin'... 'cause a whole lotta gay folks have gotten hurt... or killed themselves... or got killed... jus' because of who they were... 'n sometimes they still do... like tha' kid in Oxnard jus' this past February... his name was Lawrence King... 'n Matthew Shepard... 'n Stuart Mathis... 'n a whole lotta other folks whose names we don't know..."
"Okay... Okay... I'm willin' ta go ta whatever parade ya wanna drag me to... Now, c'mon, Hank... how 'bout ya get down off a tha' soap box... 'fore ya fall off 'n hurt yer self..."
"'Ya would...? You'd go ta one a them gay pride parades with me...?"
"Shit... I dunno... If'n you really wanna go... I guess it wouldn' kill me ta tag along... But if'n it does it'll be yer fault..."
"Thanks, Ed. I'll find out where the nearest one's gonna be..."
"'N jus' so's were clear... 'm jus' gonna be watchin' it... ya ain't gonna drag me inta it."
"'S okay by me, Ed... I'm jus' glad yer willin' ta go..."
"I gotta admit... I always was kinda jealous a them more outgoin' gay folks... I guess kinda like I was jealous a them hippies... they jus' seem ta... ta have places they can be... ya know... with other folks who are like 'em... 'n understand 'em... 'N me... well... I dunno... I guess... I guess I jus' didn' never feel like I belonged nowheres... No way I coulda moved ta no city... 'n the only place I ever felt like I could jus' be m'self... 'n let my guard down... was when I was with you... campin' way up on top a some lonely mountain... 'n then later on... in our house... 'n on the ranch... once it were ours... 'n maybe with Bill some... once I got ta know him better anyways... 'N Betty now too I guess... kinda anyways..."
"Ya may not believe it, Ed... but... easy as I find it ta talk ta other folks... I've felt like tha' too sometimes... 'n it's always made me real thankful tha' we found each other..."
"Me too, Hank... 'N... ya know... it does seem like maybe travelin's helped some... I don't 'xactly know why or how... but I don't feel quite so's outta place in the world as I used ta..."
"I'm real glad ta hear that, Ed..."
"Shit. I shouldna said tha'... I don't wantcha gettin' no big ideas 'bout draggin' me half way 'round the world or somethin'..."
"I promise not ta book no tickets half-way 'round the world withou' consultin' ya..."
"Thanks."
"Yer welcome."
"N that ain't ta say that I don't still feel on edge some a the time... 'specially when we go ta town... but I guess that ain't likely ta change anytime soon..."
"'Fraid there's always gonna be some folks around who don't like us jus' 'cause of who we are... 'n there's definitely plenty of 'em in town... 'Course... I don't much care fer them neither... or their god... But I wouldn' make fun of 'em if'n they didn't hate on folks while pretendin' they don't..."
"You real sure about tha', Hank...?"
"Well... Even if'n they were ta stop hatin' us they'd prob'bly still be wearin' tha' secret underwear...'n tha's awful hard not ta make fun of... But I swear I'd do my level best ta stop..."
"Yeah, I jus' bet you would..."
"'N baptizin' the dead... they'd prob'bly still be goin' around baptizin' 'n convertin' all them dead folks... 'n I gotta admit... it'd be real hard ta stop pokin' fun at tha'... Ticks off all a them other religions ta no end... Think some a their gods have even filed formal complaints orderin' tha' Mormon god ta cease 'n desist..."
"Shit... wakin' up Mormon in the great hereafter... Tha'd be one helluva rude surprise..."
"Sure would be..."
"No way am I wearin' no secret underwear."
"Don't worry, Ed... they'd prob'bly be excommunicatin' us shortly after convertin' us... so's I doubt they'd even get around ta issuin' you a pair..."
"True 'nough."
"So's... Dontcha think it's 'bout time we give them fellas sayin' good-bye some time alone..?"
"Yeah... but... How 'bout we give 'em one more fer the road...?"
"One more fer the road, huh...? Guess I'd be willin' ta do tha'..."
"C'mere, Ed... Let's say good-bye fer 'em real proper-like..."
Back on the road again...
"Get yer hands off the radio, Ed...
I wanna listen ta that oldies station..."
"Well I wanna listen ta country music."
"No way... I'm tired a country music 'n I'm tired of all our cds...
'Sides... Yer the one who made up the new rule tha' who'sever drivin'
gets ta choose the music... 'n I'm drivin' now..."
"I think we need ta revise them rules again..."
"Ya always think we need ta revise the rules
whenever you don't get yer way...
Now, turn it back."
"Fine. But I think the fella ridin' shot-gun
should get some kinda veto power when the other fella
is clearly outta his mind..."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Wz0Sej79gc
"I ain't outta my mind...
lucky fer me I'm jus' crazy in love... 'cause
'ev'ry day with you Ed, is sweeter than the day before...
Everyday I love you more and more...
more and more and more'..."
"Shit."
"'They say that all good things must come to an end...
but Ed, it isn't true... each day with you
I fall in love again'..."
"Yer gonna set them dogs off..."
"'Ev'ry day with you Ed, is sweeter than the day before...
Everyday I love you more and more...
more and more and more..."
"Why the hell don't I ever remember
ta buy earplugs...?"
"'And when I go ta sleep at nigh'time
tomorrow's what I'm prayin' fer... 'Cause everyday with you, Ed...
is sweeter than the day before'..."
"You... prayin'...? That'll be the day..."
"How 'bout if'n I jus' change tha' line ta
'tomorrow's what I'm aimin' fer'..."
"You never were a very good shot...
maybe you should change tha' ta 'hopin' fer'..."
"Okay... 'And when I go ta sleep at nigh'time
tomorrow's what I'm hopin' fer'..."
"Me too, Hank..."
"'Cause ev'ery day with you, Ed...
is sweeter than the day... sweeter than the day...
sweeter than the day before'..."
"Love ya, dumbass..."
"Love you too, dumbass..."
"So's... now can we switch it back ta
tha' country station...?"
"Nope."
"Shit."
A while after that...
"Hey, look, Ed...
Least-wise we're at the tail-end a rush hour..."
"Traffic jus' gets worse ev'ry year..."
"Least-wise it won't be too long 'fore we're home..."
"Now tha's music ta my poor ol' ears."
"Go ahead and change the station, dumbass."
"Don't mind if'n I do."
"Ya know... I was thinkin'...
Maybe the next sign we put up fer the ranch
could be justa l'il more interestin'..."
"Don't think I'm gonna wanna know
whatcha got in mind."
"Prob'bly not."
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