A large part of me died last night.

Today started off as any normal day might, with me waking up. As I usually do when I arise, I screamed profanities for several minutes. I flopped half concious into the shower, hitched a ride with my local bus, and was off to school. Little did I know that tragedy would strike. Had I known, I would've hugged my mother, told my sister I loved her, ( Read more... )

For Sale:
One Soul, stolen from young woman via camera and exploitation of her bullshit hippie beleifs. Soul is slightly used, but overall in good condition.

Any takers?

Okay, the following is the essay I wrote in hopes of winning Melvin a little Melvin Jr. I'm sorry it's not as funny as some of my other pieces. If I had my way, I would write a sarcastic essay about how white people are so much better than everyone else, but I'm sure it would be lost on the heathens that will no doubt grade it. Without further ( Read more... )

Spring Break is not supposed to be cold. Perhaps I was expecting too much from the whole episode. Let me explain that phrasing, if I may. I use the term "episode" because of my tendency to live my life as if it was a sitcom. A noble goal, if you ask me- I like the sitcom life because theres not a problem that can't be resolved in less than 30 ( Read more... )

Chivalry is dead. Thank God for that, right? That bitch can open her own goddamn door. Slay the dragon? Where the hell did that come from? I just want to talk to you, girl, maybe find out what your sign is (Ladies, I'm an Aquarius), and now you want me to slay some oversized iguana that breathes fire? Fuck that. Besides, I'm tired ( Read more... )

This is a public service announcement from Logan. Among us men on earth today are terrible, terrible creatures, lurking in the dark, eager to take your life, and probably your wallet. I refer, of course, to the undead. Commonly refered to as zombies, these are the damned souls of those who died on Opposite Day. Being Opposite Day, they were not “ ( Read more... )

I had imagined something more. I had imagined something with speed, with power. Something that could knock you on your ass, and make you say "Wow...That was truly awesome". What I got was this ( Read more... )

And so I journey again, to the depths of my mind. It's an interesting place, perhaps best likened to a carnival. There's a funhouse, a ferris wheel, and a bearded lady. Yeah, laugh, my psyche is fucked up. So, with such a place in mind, it was no surprise to me that on a bright, Sunday afternoon, I was quietly pondering Rivers Cuomo and slave labor ( Read more... )

So, let me paint a picture for you. You're sitting with your best friend, minding your own business. Twiddling your thumbs lightly, pondering existence and looking towards the sky. Suddenly, a swirling time vortex opens, and an 18th century rapier wielding French knight leaps from the portal. Severely confused and threatened by his sudden lunge ( Read more... )