Comments | mymisguided: [LJ Idol] Season 8, Week 12, "Boreas"

mymisguided

[LJ Idol] Season 8, Week 12, "Boreas"

Jan 30, 2012 20:59

Challenge Name and Number: #12, Some Assembly Required
Author’s Notes: Fiction. Hints of magical realism and fantasy. I hope you enjoy.
( Where the clouds were thinnest he could see the ground below, patchwork fields and bumpy hills and the intermittent village, but mostly it was nothing but grayish, discolored white. )

lj idol, fiction, new content

Comments 29

lapis_lazuli615 January 31 2012, 06:03:46 UTC

I don't know if this is in a specific world, or just genre-oriented, but I really liked the way you told this story. Nicely done.

Just as a note, I'm personally kind of off-put by the format you use at the beginning, I'd rather just jump into the story. And I'm sure it's something you use often in other communities [normally seen in fanfic, yes?], it's just something that bugs me personally.

theafaye January 31 2012, 20:37:22 UTC

Oh I'm so glad I'm not the only one who feels this way! I guessed it was a fanfic thing too, but I much prefer an Idol entry to go straight to the story, especially since if I don't like the description, I won't bother reading the story.

whipchick February 1 2012, 02:04:12 UTC

Agree on the format thing - your work is good, and the ticker at the top puts me off every single time.

Love how the end ties into the beginning, this is structured really well, and Jim's longing is clear. I got the TI reference, too :)

If you're taking another pass, maybe look at the opening paragraph again - the mother/sister tie-ins are a great idea, because it describes the mountain in a fresh way, as well as anchoring Jim in the world of his family, but it doesn't quite work right now because they flash by so fast - it's probably only one or two more words per metaphor, but they're worth unpacking a little bit more.

This feels like it would be a great piece for a collection of children's stories, or for Cricket magazine.

mymisguided February 2 2012, 00:44:58 UTC

Thanks for bringing that to my attention; I've since pared the header down to just the topic and the notes. I'd never want to have something like the formatting take away from the actual story!

Thanks again for reading and commenting!

Thread 5

alien_infinity January 31 2012, 15:23:45 UTC

Your world drew me in, and I enjoyed the ending very much.

mymisguided February 2 2012, 20:55:13 UTC

Aw, thank you! =D It was a lot of fun to write, and I'm glad you enjoyed the story!

Thanks again for commenting!

sarcasmoqueen January 31 2012, 18:09:36 UTC

For some reason, I now have the urge to say "Arggh matey!"

In all seriousness, though, I enjoyed this post.

mymisguided February 2 2012, 21:05:23 UTC

I'm glad you enjoyed it! =D

And there's never a bad time for an "Arghhh!"

medleymisty February 1 2012, 05:32:43 UTC

I loved this! Very beautifully written and detailed, and a wonderfully crafted world.

mymisguided February 2 2012, 21:08:51 UTC

Thank you! =D I'm glad you liked the story, and thanks again for your kind comments!

jem0000000 February 1 2012, 07:35:45 UTC

This is beautifully written -- your descriptions are gorgeous, and the story drew me in.

mymisguided February 2 2012, 21:46:43 UTC

Aw, thank you! =D The story was fun to write and I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Thanks again for taking the time to read and comment!

jem0000000 February 4 2012, 02:32:59 UTC

You're welcome!