[LJ Idol] Season 8, Week 8, "Dealings"

[mymisguided]

Challenge Name and Number: #08, A Traveling Travesty
Title: Dealings
Word Count: 1547
Warnings (if applicable): Mild horror
Summary: Everything could be obtained for the proper price, and Mr. M would never suffer for customers.
Author’s Notes: Fiction. Hints of magical realism and horror. Again, more of an “old-time” setting. I hope you enjoy!

Comments

[mymisguided]

If anyone would like to offer me con-crit, I would be happy to receive it. =)

[createdestiny]

Such a creepy and alluring premise. I can see this as a "Twilight Zone" type TV series......each episode another "sale."

[mymisguided]

It's funny that you say that, because this entry was mainly inspired by reading about Twilight Zone Twists and Outer Limits Twists on TV Tropes (Warning, get sucked in to those links at your own peril xD) so that was exactly what I was going for.

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment! =D It's much appreciated.

[n3m3sis42]

It totally reminded me of Twilight Zone, too. :D

[mymisguided]

Then the plan worked! xD (Although, funny enough, I've never actually seen a Twilight Zone episode. It's one of the series on the top of my to-watch list, though =D)

Thanks for commenting!

[jem0000000]

Oooo! Creepy, but nice. :)

[mymisguided]

Thanks! =) I'm glad you liked it!

[whipchick]

This was very engaging, and I loved the twist at the end! The one place I was thrown a little bit was when June Turner lets him in - I don't know enough about her to know why she gives in so easily to let a salesman in her house, and I don't know enough about M's powers yet to buy that he gets in that easily. So I wonder if one more detail about her or about him would bring the reader into her house a little more smoothly? Structurally, this is great, it moves really well, and I enjoyed your take on the classic idea of the taker getting taken!

Also - as I read, I was reminded of some woodblock prints by Artemio Rodreguiz that tell the story of Lucifer's fall - this one, in particular, you might like - it's Mephistopheles coming to the door in his new job, as a salesman. http://www.dh-stores.com/ushopping.aspx?mid=9&ssid=162&sid=81

Thank you!

[mymisguided]

Oh my gosh, that print is amazing! Thanks so much for linking it! =)

And thanks for the concrit! I tried to show in the second section how charismatic he was, but that's definitely something that should've been introduced in the beginning of the story - if I go back and edit, I'll add more to that part and make it smoother. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me, I really appreciate it! =D And thanks for taking the time to comment!

[myrna_bird]

Good story, good twist. Nicely done.

[mymisguided]

Thanks for commenting! =D I'm glad you liked the story!