Comments | myrna_bird: LJI S8 W33 -The Call That Never Came- Duty

myrna_bird

LJI S8 W33 -The Call That Never Came- Duty

Jul 08, 2012 17:30

She’d met him on the bus.

He was so handsome in his uniform and he smiled at her and offered her his seat. He stood up and their eyes met for an instant and Marta fell in love, just like that. She wondered if he felt it too. She looked back and smiled at him as she got off at her stop.

Marta had moved to town to attend college in preparation for a ( Read more... )

Comments 25

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myrna_bird July 9 2012, 13:38:55 UTC

Thank you. Actually this started out as my first story and it ended up such a loooong one( for me) that I realized I had a story within the story. So I was able to separate them out, and lo and behold, I hade both topics covered. It really surprised me and it was neat. I was pleased with that outcome!

notodette July 10 2012, 04:10:40 UTC

Aww. So poignant.

myrna_bird July 10 2012, 13:37:11 UTC

Thanks so much. Just a simple little love story.

anonymous July 10 2012, 14:43:56 UTC

I love Myrna's writing. It is like sitting across from her as she tells you her story. ww

myrna_bird July 11 2012, 00:18:35 UTC

What a lovely thing to say. Thanks so much for dropping by! :)

whipchick July 10 2012, 16:14:10 UTC

So sweet - the second paragraph, where she sees him on the bus, was especially strong. I really like, "just like that".

If you work on this piece more, I was a little confused about the period - the church, bus, and Pepsi references seem older - I thought 20's or 30's - but the Malt Shoppe sounds 1950's and Lebanon sounds like the 1980's. There's such a wistful, vintage voice here that it might be worth setting it more specifically in a particular period?

myrna_bird July 11 2012, 00:25:35 UTC

I was writing it thinking 1958. I looked up the correct Pepsi slogan because they changed it so often over the years. I had to find that the draft was still in then too. Our guys were going to Germany then there was trouble brewing in Lebanon then too.

Thanks, I appreciate the feedback and could have established the era better with a few more facts or simply stating the year.

the_day_setup July 10 2012, 17:06:10 UTC

Oh, goshdarnit... Larry's last name must've been Anticlimactic. I wonder if they eventually promoted him to Captain Anticlimactic.

And this *does* kind of remind me of my first love... this one time, at band camp. Seriously.

Great read.

myrna_bird July 11 2012, 00:27:06 UTC

Thanks. I chose Larry because I had a cousin Larry in the Navy around that time. I'm glad it touched a chord ( pun intended) for you! :)