Comments | mythos_9: Little Black Wings

mythos_9

Little Black Wings

Jan 16, 2010 21:50

You know, I've written fanfiction, regular fiction and poetry for almost 30 years now, man and boy. I've never had the modesty to think that I've done learning about it. Thank you, for the comments AND the criticism. I appreciate them both. I just wish I had the time to write regularly. Perhaps my stories wouldn't be so rough then. *sigh ( Read more... )

Comments 5

cholma January 17 2010, 06:09:30 UTC

Holy Fuck, dude! Certainly not what I was expecting! Good job, though. Loved the Royal Wedding portion!
* * *

Typos:
"I would have if some dumb hadn't commandeered my skull..." Gerald mused. I think you mean "dumb kid"?

He also seemed to now when to be where he needed to be without being seen. "now" should be "know". Also, since it's a new paragraph with two males mentioned, I would start the sentence with "James" instead of "He".

_gerald January 20 2010, 00:44:43 UTC

...DAMN YOU MYTHOS.

That was pretty damn good, bud. Pretty damn good.

mrsanimal January 24 2010, 23:16:16 UTC

Other than a few typos (and really no idea as to what the obscure references were to) that was very well done.
It wasn't too angsty for the characters, and boy did you nail some of the personality quirks to a psychopath, even though you downplayed them.
I like the ending - very unexpected twist to justice! :)

Only thing I would have liked to see done better (and this goes back to my comments from part one,) is I was often confused what form and/or what Mythos looks like. You used hands, but then also tentacles, sometimes in the same sentence.

mythos_9 January 24 2010, 23:49:48 UTC

Thanks for reading! I enjoy, as most writers do, intelligent audiences. Again, I was mainly writing *for* those that had some passing familiarity with HappyPure. Mythos, being the last Cthulhu, does indeed have hands as well as tentacles, but I understand the confusion. The next story, I will take more time and see if I can't do better. I may also release them as I get them done, that way, people aren't waiting so long. :)

mrsanimal January 25 2010, 17:32:36 UTC

I understand that this was related to something I hadn't read, so just took in stride references I wasn't sure of.
I think vaugue descriptions might bug me more than most readers since I like to 'see' what I'm reading. Actually it's one of the problems I have with my own writing - getting what's on paper to match what's in my head. :)