Sometimes I wonder if I can't really be happy with my life the way it is. I don't see my future right now...I can see the future, I just can't see mine. I can't see me getting old, I can't see me finding something I love doing, I don't see me getting old. There are days that I am alright with the aimless wandering and figuring things out as they ( Read more... )

I'm sitting on my porch watching two little kids run and play in the pile of leaves that was meticulously shaped and formed only hours before. They shriek and shout as though the leaves were the greatest toy in the world, better than any that money could buy. Leaves fly in the air, littering the pristine lawn. They are the very picture of youth and ( Read more... )

It's a year today.

Sometimes even to live is an act of courage. ~Seneca~

He was in my dream last night. He was sick, dying slowly of a degenerative disease. He was weak, so weak in fact he had to be carried into the house by people. He couldn't walk on his own, he looked terrible and sickly. In my dream, I felt terrible for him, I felt sorry for him. I woke up feeling sad and depressed. I woke up feeling pathetic ( Read more... )

You've left me with nothing but I've worked with less.... If I'm gonna go down, I'm gonna do it with style.

I wish you didn't see her when you looked at me.

Stolen survey fun ( Read more... )

It was brought to my attention today by one Leslie Ballway that I apparently have not posted on my LiveJournal in about a century. Well here is my once every hundred years update. I am in Texas. I just moved here. If you are now asking yourself "Awha? What? Why?" Than clearly you don't talk to me enough. Or at all. Anyway. Texas. And clearly, we're ( Read more... )

I'm tired of being scared all the time. I'm tired of being haunted by my thoughts. I'm tired of running from something I can't escape. I wish none of this had ever happened. I wish I were a different person, stronger, smarter, better. I wish I knew what I needed to do. I would. I want my own life back. I want some semblence of reality to return to ( Read more... )