Villains, Part 7
Description: Rodney has a date with Jasmine, things take an unexpected turn and Rodney says the wrong thing
Word Count: 3,154
Warnings: Depression, swearing
Other: Canon.
Previous Parts: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6
"Do you think a suit's too much?" Rodney worried, looking in the mirror and trying to make his tie look right. "I don't have many date clothes."
"The suit will be fine," Seth answered, "and you look great, stop worrying." He was on the verge of having that look again. It made Rodney feel bad, but he had too many other worries right now.
"Are we sure this is a good idea? What if I have a panic attack?"
"Why would you have a panic attack?"
"PTSD?"
"Rodney, you'll be on Mzyra's supervision to be allowed out of the house anyway - there's no way you'll be able to be attacked or anything - especially when Tang still isn't dead yet."
"What if it's for a stupid reason. I can never think of things to say. I'll probably be like 'So you were screwed over by Simon Rossi too, huh?'"
Seth snorted. "Maybe she'd like to discuss it? Maybe she has PTSD too?"
"Oh god, don't say that, we'd be hopeless together. You'd have to be our live-in bodyguard."
Seth smiled for a moment, then looked all down and thoughtful again, as he had a few times since this had been set-up.
It was too many times for Rodney. "What are you being all miserable about? Me going on a date with someone else?"
"No, not really. But I doubt she'd want a live-in bodyguard who was the one who technically murdered her in the first place."
"Also who's in love with her hypothetical husband, I suppose."
"Just to put this out there: I don't object to a threesome in most cases."
Rodney rolled his eyes. "Are we sure this is the best tie? What about the blue...?"
"Rodney we've been down that path already: stick with the red, you know you like it best."
"How am I going to make it through this? I'm hopeless!"
"Just think about how you're going to tell me about it later. Anything that goes wrong will just be funny."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rodney had a habit of being early, but he should have left it a bit longer. Being outside the restaurant on his own, completely away from Seth for the first time in who knows how long-
“Mayor Jal-? I mean, Rodney?” A soft woman’s voice came from behind him.
He turned and there she was, apparently having just stepped out of the alcove, perhaps having even beaten him there. “Er, Jasmine, right?”
She forced a little smile and nodded. “Shall we go inside?”
Probably better to get this over with, he couldn’t help but think. “Sure.”
They didn’t say anything before they were seated and their drinks order taken - fortunately quite quickly (they both went for wine, albeit of different kinds). He noticed her stealing glances at him though.
“It’s a little strange,” she finally said, smoothing a napkin over her lap, “you don’t look like you’ve changed much at all since back when you were the mayor on TV and everything.”
Rodney wished he could say the same. Admittedly, he didn’t remember her in great detail, just a vaguely pretty and radiant little thing hanging off Rossi’s arm in a very politically appealing way, but she wasn’t radiant now and he was sure he would have remembered if she had looked so washed out back then. But he knew that the afterlife didn’t have much effect physically, the biggest factor in it all was psychological. Perhaps not surprising for her, given what happened.
“I’m tempted to ask what your secret is,” she joked.
His secret? Why he wasn’t as psychologically messed up? Seth, he realised. But probably best not to bring him up already. “I don’t really know. Luck, I guess.” He wondered who her equivalent was.
“I don’t seem to have much of that.”
“No. I didn’t either. I guess we wouldn’t be here otherwise.”
They were silent for a few moments, able to look at the menus until their drinks were brought and food orders taken - a good distraction, but Rodney wasn’t here for the food when he had a personal chef cooking at his every whim at home. Jasmine was ordering big: comfort eating, Rodney suspected, but if she didn’t gain weight in the afterlife and it couldn’t have bad health effects, why not?
“So, who do you live with?” he asked. “You can see little houses off in the distance from where I live, but you can’t really make out much from there as to how people live.”
“Um, well, when I first died… it was before any of the rest of my close family, so I was staying with my grandparents, but my parents have since come along so I kind of move around a bit between various family members. It can grate a bit, living with happy couples all the time.”
“I can imagine. Er, your parents and grandparents would be…?”
“My parents are Jose and Tina Ryman,” so her father testified against me in court, “and my grandparents are Mia,” yup, that’s pretty weird, “and, well, technically step-grandfather, but Juan Ryman.” Harris. Spectacular.
Rodney played with his fork casually. “Do they know that you’re here?”
She sighed. “Yes, and no, they don’t really approve.”
“But you’re here anyway?”
She gave a hollow laugh. “I needed to get out of the house. I needed something different, to take a chance. I mean… I have only ever heard bad things about you, but some of that was from him, and all he did was lie to me. And what have I really got to lose?”
“You can’t die again. And I promise I wouldn’t do that to you, even if I could.”
“How did you die?” she asked curiously.
Rodney felt that that kind of question ought to be considered more personal. “Um, well, technically… suicide.”
She stared at him, seemingly in uncomprehending disbelief. “Really?”
Rodney couldn’t help but feel defensive, the way she asked it. “It was preceded by a lot of torture, and murder of and threats to close family, with the promise of only more to come.”
“I- Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound judgmental, it’s just… I would give anything to be alive again. Any chance that eventually I might have been able to have a family like I wanted, I would have lived for that.”
They were interrupted briefly by the arrival of their meals, but she clearly wasn’t done.
“It’s the hardest thing, you know. Everyone’s really, really nice to me, but most of them got what they wanted out of life, and what I would have wanted out of life too. And there’s nothing I can do. Maybe I can find a husband, but I can’t have kids here; there’s so much I never did. All because I was a complete and utter fool who couldn’t even see that this guy who I thought I was setting up my life with actually never even liked me and was just using me - using my death - to be able to get at my family. I must be the most stupid and blind person ever to have lived.”
She tried to hide it, but Rodney could see that she had tears in her eyes. Rodney wished he was Seth; Seth knew how to comfort people, Rodney usually made things worse. Still, he had to try. “He tricked loads of people. All those people who voted to put him in power, they bought it too. I mean, I knew I didn’t like him and thought he seemed a bit suspicious, but I didn’t even begin to suspect what was actually going on. Why would you? It was crazy. Don’t blame yourself.”
She wiped her eyes delicately with her fingers. “Thanks. But it doesn’t change the outcome. I’ll never get what I wanted.”
“I didn’t either. I always planned to have a nice house in the suburbs with a posh car and a beautiful wife and a garden for our kids to play in, and I’d be the breadwinner… I did get one kid, but she never even lived with me and won’t speak to me now. I never even got to fall in love.”
“Better to never fall in love than to fall in love with somebody plotting to have you murdered.”
Rodney inclined his head in acknowledgment to that one.
“But your ideal sounds nice to me,” she smiled sadly. “Basically what I planned for, I guess, with politician husband and all.”
It took him a moment to realise what she meant. “What? Oh, no, I never wanted or planned to be a politician.”
“So why were you?”
To get revenge against Harris. To protect myself. To embezzle a load of money. “It… kind of just happened.”
“So what were you before?”
An art thief. “Um, I did… small things, here and there. Never really settled.”
“But what did you want to be then?”
“Um. I don’t know. I think my ideal was kind of left over from childhood, you know. When all you know is that adults go off to an office to do something and come home with money. I never knew what I wanted to do. I liked art, but I never would have had the talent. You can’t support a big house and family in the suburbs as an artist anyway.” Make more stealing the good stuff.
“Hmm. I always figured that if people didn’t know what to do they generally followed their parents.”
“I would never have followed my father. We didn’t get along.”
“That’s a shame; we were always quite a happy family.” Annoyingly happy. “Do you think that’s part of the reason things went wrong for you?”
“Probably, yes. I left home near as soon as I left school to get away from my dad and his family. Moved around, then ended up in Simfield and… well.” Seth happened. He snorted, “Seth always says my father has a lot to answer for.” Oh shit, he wasn’t going to mention him.
She did freeze up a little. “Seth Jayapalan? Do you live together up there?”
“Yeah. He’s my housemate.”
“What’s that like?”
“Um, it’s okay, for now at least. Seth’s a good friend. Honestly, he’s the only reason I am in as good shape as I am.”
“It’s just… I’m told he murdered his own son?”
“Well, to be fair, we genuinely thought Winston might be going to really hurt Liv and the kids, we didn’t really want for him to die, it was more protection than ‘murder’.”
“So you were quite involved?”
Rodney’s mouth hung open. Did he still have to worry about deniability? Didn’t Mzyra just tell everyone the truth anyway? “I wasn’t going to let anyone hurt my daughter or grandchildren, so, technically, yes.”
“And the other people he murdered?”
Rodney floundered. “Look, he’s no angel, but…”
“But?” she asked, almost incredulously.
“But… I am in no position to judge. All I know is that he’s my best friend, the only person I trust, the only person who has helped me through all the shit I’ve been through and I outright need him if I am going to have to carry on with this crazy shit-show of an existence.” Goddammit, he was not blinking back tears.
She looked at him distantly for a while, Rodney fearing she might throw what was left of her wine in his face. “You know, I guess I can understand that. It’s hard here and you need him. If it helps you and it’s not hurting anyone, anymore at least…”
“Yeah. Thanks.”
She made a small noise of amusement. “I’m not sure how you feel, but I suspect that neither of us are actually in a place to be doing this, are we? Apparently we both have rampant trust issues…”
It was a little deflating, but it was true. “I’m told I’m very jealous and possessive too.”
“Not to even begin the list of reasons we specifically wouldn’t work.”
“Your family hate me,” he acknowledged.
“Your best friend murdered like half of them,” she agreed. “To be honest, I didn’t expect much. Like I said, it was mostly for a change, to rebel a little, out of curiosity as to what you’re really like… I really don’t think it would work.”
“Probably not.”
“But this hasn’t been terrible. You are kind of okay, in your way.”
“That is the nicest thing anybody but Seth has said to me in years,” he said wryly.
“And I will pass on that you were not terrible, but are dedicated to your friendship with Seth.”
“Yeah. I guess I am.”
She stood up and grabbed her purse, leaving him sitting with their empty plates, and gave him another small, sad smile. “Good luck with getting better.”
“You too.”
And she left.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mzyra had only given him a sympathetic look as she teleported him back outside the house. She’d probably known exactly how it would go all along, but Rodney wasn’t as depressed as he might have been. He hadn’t completely failed at non-Seth human contact, but he was still no closer to the love of his life. Seth would cheer him up.
He opened the front door and heard Seth talking to someone in the kitchen. Surely it couldn’t be to Mzyra, she’d just left, but who else would be here? It was a female voice. He quietly stepped to see around the doorframe - they were sat at the table drinking coffee. For a moment he thought it must be a relative of Seth’s with her long, curly black hair, but her features were all wrong for that. Rodney couldn’t help but notice that she was wearing a tight burgundy t-shirt and black skirt, flattering her slim but curvaceous frame, and well-applied make-up. They were on a date. He heard a gasp and only then realised it was his own, Seth looking up and seeing him with surprise, but Rodney was already headed upstairs - not to Seth’s room, he realised, it would have to be his own for once.
“Rodney?” he heard called after him. “Are you okay?”
Fuck off, he couldn’t say, his throat feeling tight, but he slammed his door instead. He was on a date - why was Seth on a date? Of course, why wouldn’t Seth be on a date? He was attractive, she was attractive, he was probably in love with her already, then Mzyra would let him leave and Rodney would be on his own in a house with Hideki and it would be the end of his life all over again-
There was a knock on his door. “Rodney? Are you alright?”
GO AWAY, he thought viciously at the door, sitting on his bed shaking, just let me die, I can’t take it.
“Rodney, can I come in? Please?”
Rodney shook his head and sobbed into his arms, not quite inaudibly.
“Rodney, what happened? It’s not because of Robin, is it?”
Robin, that was her name, Rodney would probably be getting an invitation to their wedding in a few months and then Seth would forget all about him-
“Rodney, please can I come in? Can’t you trust me?”
Trust… “Fine!” But he turned so his back was to the door as it then opened, light from the hall spilling into his room.
He heard Seth move forward... and enter his room. Rodney did trust him not to deliberately hurt him, just not to not abandon him, he guessed.
Seth shut the door behind himself. “Did the date not go well?”
“Why are you on a date?”
“You’re allowed to go on dates and I’m not?”
“You didn’t tell me!”
“It was a last minute thing. Mzyra came around and mentioned it, so I thought ‘why not?’ If everything went well on your date you would want me to move on.”
“Since when does anything ever go well for me?!”
Seth sat down next to him. “I guess I just expect that somebody else is eventually going to realise you’re as amazing as I think you are.”
“Then why are you dating someone else?!”
“Because you don’t want me!”
“Don’t I?!”
Seth stared at him. “Do you?”
Hang on, did he? “I- I didn’t mean to say that.” Maybe his brain thought it was a clever come-back.
“Rodney. Look me in the eyes and tell me whether or not you are interested in me.”
Rodney glanced up at Seth’s intense eyes, and swiftly looked away. “I need you. I need you as a friend.”
“That’s not the same thing. I will always be here as a friend, but please don’t mess me around Rodney.”
Rodney measured his words. “You are, objectively speaking, an attractive man.”
“Who is in love with you. Thanks. So are you. Subjectively speaking?”
“I don’t know! You’re you! You’re attractive and charismatic and the first person who comes along will snap you up and you’ll forget about me!”
“Rodney, I don’t want you to want me out of fear of losing me, because as soon as you realise I’m here to stay you’ll lose interest. So, assume for a minute that I will literally never leave your side. You will always be safe. Do you want me as anything more than a friend?”
Rodney closed his eyes and mumbled, “I can’t be gay.”
“Some suggestions of things that are not ‘gay’ yet might include the possibility of being with me: bisexual, pansexual, demisexual, asexual, biromantic, panromantic, aromantic…!”
“I haven’t even heard of half of those.”
“It’s all just labels, Rodney. Trick was gay and I’m sure he wasn’t your dad and uncles’ stereotype, my sister Cindy and cousins May and Gina were all lesbians, my cousin Calvin was bisexual, I’m pansexual-“
He groaned. “It’s all too complicated.”
“Then forget the labels. What do you want?”
Somehow, after the date and everything, it was like a dam bursting. “I want to be loved. I want to be better than other people. I want Juan Harris to fuck off and die all over again. I want to be powerful, I want to be secure, I want to erase Hideki Tang from existence. I want to be popular, I want to be famous, I want to be loved.”
“And do you want me?”
“I’m not in love with you.”
“Do you want me? Because, unlike most people, you could have me. And be loved.”
Rodney kissed him, and Seth did not pull away. It was… odd. Not bells-ringing everything-makes-sense-now, but by no means bad either. It was just a kiss. A long kiss.
Finally they broke away and Seth opened his eyes again, pupils wide. “Well, I don’t know if that will ever happen again, but I’ll take it.”
“I might regret this tomorrow,” Rodney huffed, but tonight Seth was his, so he kissed him again.
Seth laid back and let him take all control. It did not stop until Rodney fell asleep, his arms still possessively encircling his prize.
Word Count: 3,154
Warnings: Depression, swearing
Other: Canon.
Previous Parts: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6
"Do you think a suit's too much?" Rodney worried, looking in the mirror and trying to make his tie look right. "I don't have many date clothes."
"The suit will be fine," Seth answered, "and you look great, stop worrying." He was on the verge of having that look again. It made Rodney feel bad, but he had too many other worries right now.
"Are we sure this is a good idea? What if I have a panic attack?"
"Why would you have a panic attack?"
"PTSD?"
"Rodney, you'll be on Mzyra's supervision to be allowed out of the house anyway - there's no way you'll be able to be attacked or anything - especially when Tang still isn't dead yet."
"What if it's for a stupid reason. I can never think of things to say. I'll probably be like 'So you were screwed over by Simon Rossi too, huh?'"
Seth snorted. "Maybe she'd like to discuss it? Maybe she has PTSD too?"
"Oh god, don't say that, we'd be hopeless together. You'd have to be our live-in bodyguard."
Seth smiled for a moment, then looked all down and thoughtful again, as he had a few times since this had been set-up.
It was too many times for Rodney. "What are you being all miserable about? Me going on a date with someone else?"
"No, not really. But I doubt she'd want a live-in bodyguard who was the one who technically murdered her in the first place."
"Also who's in love with her hypothetical husband, I suppose."
"Just to put this out there: I don't object to a threesome in most cases."
Rodney rolled his eyes. "Are we sure this is the best tie? What about the blue...?"
"Rodney we've been down that path already: stick with the red, you know you like it best."
"How am I going to make it through this? I'm hopeless!"
"Just think about how you're going to tell me about it later. Anything that goes wrong will just be funny."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rodney had a habit of being early, but he should have left it a bit longer. Being outside the restaurant on his own, completely away from Seth for the first time in who knows how long-
“Mayor Jal-? I mean, Rodney?” A soft woman’s voice came from behind him.
He turned and there she was, apparently having just stepped out of the alcove, perhaps having even beaten him there. “Er, Jasmine, right?”
She forced a little smile and nodded. “Shall we go inside?”
Probably better to get this over with, he couldn’t help but think. “Sure.”
They didn’t say anything before they were seated and their drinks order taken - fortunately quite quickly (they both went for wine, albeit of different kinds). He noticed her stealing glances at him though.
“It’s a little strange,” she finally said, smoothing a napkin over her lap, “you don’t look like you’ve changed much at all since back when you were the mayor on TV and everything.”
Rodney wished he could say the same. Admittedly, he didn’t remember her in great detail, just a vaguely pretty and radiant little thing hanging off Rossi’s arm in a very politically appealing way, but she wasn’t radiant now and he was sure he would have remembered if she had looked so washed out back then. But he knew that the afterlife didn’t have much effect physically, the biggest factor in it all was psychological. Perhaps not surprising for her, given what happened.
“I’m tempted to ask what your secret is,” she joked.
His secret? Why he wasn’t as psychologically messed up? Seth, he realised. But probably best not to bring him up already. “I don’t really know. Luck, I guess.” He wondered who her equivalent was.
“I don’t seem to have much of that.”
“No. I didn’t either. I guess we wouldn’t be here otherwise.”
They were silent for a few moments, able to look at the menus until their drinks were brought and food orders taken - a good distraction, but Rodney wasn’t here for the food when he had a personal chef cooking at his every whim at home. Jasmine was ordering big: comfort eating, Rodney suspected, but if she didn’t gain weight in the afterlife and it couldn’t have bad health effects, why not?
“So, who do you live with?” he asked. “You can see little houses off in the distance from where I live, but you can’t really make out much from there as to how people live.”
“Um, well, when I first died… it was before any of the rest of my close family, so I was staying with my grandparents, but my parents have since come along so I kind of move around a bit between various family members. It can grate a bit, living with happy couples all the time.”
“I can imagine. Er, your parents and grandparents would be…?”
“My parents are Jose and Tina Ryman,” so her father testified against me in court, “and my grandparents are Mia,” yup, that’s pretty weird, “and, well, technically step-grandfather, but Juan Ryman.” Harris. Spectacular.
Rodney played with his fork casually. “Do they know that you’re here?”
She sighed. “Yes, and no, they don’t really approve.”
“But you’re here anyway?”
She gave a hollow laugh. “I needed to get out of the house. I needed something different, to take a chance. I mean… I have only ever heard bad things about you, but some of that was from him, and all he did was lie to me. And what have I really got to lose?”
“You can’t die again. And I promise I wouldn’t do that to you, even if I could.”
“How did you die?” she asked curiously.
Rodney felt that that kind of question ought to be considered more personal. “Um, well, technically… suicide.”
She stared at him, seemingly in uncomprehending disbelief. “Really?”
Rodney couldn’t help but feel defensive, the way she asked it. “It was preceded by a lot of torture, and murder of and threats to close family, with the promise of only more to come.”
“I- Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound judgmental, it’s just… I would give anything to be alive again. Any chance that eventually I might have been able to have a family like I wanted, I would have lived for that.”
They were interrupted briefly by the arrival of their meals, but she clearly wasn’t done.
“It’s the hardest thing, you know. Everyone’s really, really nice to me, but most of them got what they wanted out of life, and what I would have wanted out of life too. And there’s nothing I can do. Maybe I can find a husband, but I can’t have kids here; there’s so much I never did. All because I was a complete and utter fool who couldn’t even see that this guy who I thought I was setting up my life with actually never even liked me and was just using me - using my death - to be able to get at my family. I must be the most stupid and blind person ever to have lived.”
She tried to hide it, but Rodney could see that she had tears in her eyes. Rodney wished he was Seth; Seth knew how to comfort people, Rodney usually made things worse. Still, he had to try. “He tricked loads of people. All those people who voted to put him in power, they bought it too. I mean, I knew I didn’t like him and thought he seemed a bit suspicious, but I didn’t even begin to suspect what was actually going on. Why would you? It was crazy. Don’t blame yourself.”
She wiped her eyes delicately with her fingers. “Thanks. But it doesn’t change the outcome. I’ll never get what I wanted.”
“I didn’t either. I always planned to have a nice house in the suburbs with a posh car and a beautiful wife and a garden for our kids to play in, and I’d be the breadwinner… I did get one kid, but she never even lived with me and won’t speak to me now. I never even got to fall in love.”
“Better to never fall in love than to fall in love with somebody plotting to have you murdered.”
Rodney inclined his head in acknowledgment to that one.
“But your ideal sounds nice to me,” she smiled sadly. “Basically what I planned for, I guess, with politician husband and all.”
It took him a moment to realise what she meant. “What? Oh, no, I never wanted or planned to be a politician.”
“So why were you?”
To get revenge against Harris. To protect myself. To embezzle a load of money. “It… kind of just happened.”
“So what were you before?”
An art thief. “Um, I did… small things, here and there. Never really settled.”
“But what did you want to be then?”
“Um. I don’t know. I think my ideal was kind of left over from childhood, you know. When all you know is that adults go off to an office to do something and come home with money. I never knew what I wanted to do. I liked art, but I never would have had the talent. You can’t support a big house and family in the suburbs as an artist anyway.” Make more stealing the good stuff.
“Hmm. I always figured that if people didn’t know what to do they generally followed their parents.”
“I would never have followed my father. We didn’t get along.”
“That’s a shame; we were always quite a happy family.” Annoyingly happy. “Do you think that’s part of the reason things went wrong for you?”
“Probably, yes. I left home near as soon as I left school to get away from my dad and his family. Moved around, then ended up in Simfield and… well.” Seth happened. He snorted, “Seth always says my father has a lot to answer for.” Oh shit, he wasn’t going to mention him.
She did freeze up a little. “Seth Jayapalan? Do you live together up there?”
“Yeah. He’s my housemate.”
“What’s that like?”
“Um, it’s okay, for now at least. Seth’s a good friend. Honestly, he’s the only reason I am in as good shape as I am.”
“It’s just… I’m told he murdered his own son?”
“Well, to be fair, we genuinely thought Winston might be going to really hurt Liv and the kids, we didn’t really want for him to die, it was more protection than ‘murder’.”
“So you were quite involved?”
Rodney’s mouth hung open. Did he still have to worry about deniability? Didn’t Mzyra just tell everyone the truth anyway? “I wasn’t going to let anyone hurt my daughter or grandchildren, so, technically, yes.”
“And the other people he murdered?”
Rodney floundered. “Look, he’s no angel, but…”
“But?” she asked, almost incredulously.
“But… I am in no position to judge. All I know is that he’s my best friend, the only person I trust, the only person who has helped me through all the shit I’ve been through and I outright need him if I am going to have to carry on with this crazy shit-show of an existence.” Goddammit, he was not blinking back tears.
She looked at him distantly for a while, Rodney fearing she might throw what was left of her wine in his face. “You know, I guess I can understand that. It’s hard here and you need him. If it helps you and it’s not hurting anyone, anymore at least…”
“Yeah. Thanks.”
She made a small noise of amusement. “I’m not sure how you feel, but I suspect that neither of us are actually in a place to be doing this, are we? Apparently we both have rampant trust issues…”
It was a little deflating, but it was true. “I’m told I’m very jealous and possessive too.”
“Not to even begin the list of reasons we specifically wouldn’t work.”
“Your family hate me,” he acknowledged.
“Your best friend murdered like half of them,” she agreed. “To be honest, I didn’t expect much. Like I said, it was mostly for a change, to rebel a little, out of curiosity as to what you’re really like… I really don’t think it would work.”
“Probably not.”
“But this hasn’t been terrible. You are kind of okay, in your way.”
“That is the nicest thing anybody but Seth has said to me in years,” he said wryly.
“And I will pass on that you were not terrible, but are dedicated to your friendship with Seth.”
“Yeah. I guess I am.”
She stood up and grabbed her purse, leaving him sitting with their empty plates, and gave him another small, sad smile. “Good luck with getting better.”
“You too.”
And she left.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mzyra had only given him a sympathetic look as she teleported him back outside the house. She’d probably known exactly how it would go all along, but Rodney wasn’t as depressed as he might have been. He hadn’t completely failed at non-Seth human contact, but he was still no closer to the love of his life. Seth would cheer him up.
He opened the front door and heard Seth talking to someone in the kitchen. Surely it couldn’t be to Mzyra, she’d just left, but who else would be here? It was a female voice. He quietly stepped to see around the doorframe - they were sat at the table drinking coffee. For a moment he thought it must be a relative of Seth’s with her long, curly black hair, but her features were all wrong for that. Rodney couldn’t help but notice that she was wearing a tight burgundy t-shirt and black skirt, flattering her slim but curvaceous frame, and well-applied make-up. They were on a date. He heard a gasp and only then realised it was his own, Seth looking up and seeing him with surprise, but Rodney was already headed upstairs - not to Seth’s room, he realised, it would have to be his own for once.
“Rodney?” he heard called after him. “Are you okay?”
Fuck off, he couldn’t say, his throat feeling tight, but he slammed his door instead. He was on a date - why was Seth on a date? Of course, why wouldn’t Seth be on a date? He was attractive, she was attractive, he was probably in love with her already, then Mzyra would let him leave and Rodney would be on his own in a house with Hideki and it would be the end of his life all over again-
There was a knock on his door. “Rodney? Are you alright?”
GO AWAY, he thought viciously at the door, sitting on his bed shaking, just let me die, I can’t take it.
“Rodney, can I come in? Please?”
Rodney shook his head and sobbed into his arms, not quite inaudibly.
“Rodney, what happened? It’s not because of Robin, is it?”
Robin, that was her name, Rodney would probably be getting an invitation to their wedding in a few months and then Seth would forget all about him-
“Rodney, please can I come in? Can’t you trust me?”
Trust… “Fine!” But he turned so his back was to the door as it then opened, light from the hall spilling into his room.
He heard Seth move forward... and enter his room. Rodney did trust him not to deliberately hurt him, just not to not abandon him, he guessed.
Seth shut the door behind himself. “Did the date not go well?”
“Why are you on a date?”
“You’re allowed to go on dates and I’m not?”
“You didn’t tell me!”
“It was a last minute thing. Mzyra came around and mentioned it, so I thought ‘why not?’ If everything went well on your date you would want me to move on.”
“Since when does anything ever go well for me?!”
Seth sat down next to him. “I guess I just expect that somebody else is eventually going to realise you’re as amazing as I think you are.”
“Then why are you dating someone else?!”
“Because you don’t want me!”
“Don’t I?!”
Seth stared at him. “Do you?”
Hang on, did he? “I- I didn’t mean to say that.” Maybe his brain thought it was a clever come-back.
“Rodney. Look me in the eyes and tell me whether or not you are interested in me.”
Rodney glanced up at Seth’s intense eyes, and swiftly looked away. “I need you. I need you as a friend.”
“That’s not the same thing. I will always be here as a friend, but please don’t mess me around Rodney.”
Rodney measured his words. “You are, objectively speaking, an attractive man.”
“Who is in love with you. Thanks. So are you. Subjectively speaking?”
“I don’t know! You’re you! You’re attractive and charismatic and the first person who comes along will snap you up and you’ll forget about me!”
“Rodney, I don’t want you to want me out of fear of losing me, because as soon as you realise I’m here to stay you’ll lose interest. So, assume for a minute that I will literally never leave your side. You will always be safe. Do you want me as anything more than a friend?”
Rodney closed his eyes and mumbled, “I can’t be gay.”
“Some suggestions of things that are not ‘gay’ yet might include the possibility of being with me: bisexual, pansexual, demisexual, asexual, biromantic, panromantic, aromantic…!”
“I haven’t even heard of half of those.”
“It’s all just labels, Rodney. Trick was gay and I’m sure he wasn’t your dad and uncles’ stereotype, my sister Cindy and cousins May and Gina were all lesbians, my cousin Calvin was bisexual, I’m pansexual-“
He groaned. “It’s all too complicated.”
“Then forget the labels. What do you want?”
Somehow, after the date and everything, it was like a dam bursting. “I want to be loved. I want to be better than other people. I want Juan Harris to fuck off and die all over again. I want to be powerful, I want to be secure, I want to erase Hideki Tang from existence. I want to be popular, I want to be famous, I want to be loved.”
“And do you want me?”
“I’m not in love with you.”
“Do you want me? Because, unlike most people, you could have me. And be loved.”
Rodney kissed him, and Seth did not pull away. It was… odd. Not bells-ringing everything-makes-sense-now, but by no means bad either. It was just a kiss. A long kiss.
Finally they broke away and Seth opened his eyes again, pupils wide. “Well, I don’t know if that will ever happen again, but I’ll take it.”
“I might regret this tomorrow,” Rodney huffed, but tonight Seth was his, so he kissed him again.
Seth laid back and let him take all control. It did not stop until Rodney fell asleep, his arms still possessively encircling his prize.