My relationship with Facebook is shaky at best. More and more, I find myself signing off feeling completely disgusted with the state of the world. Several times, I've come dangerously close to throwing in the towel and deleting my account. That will show them, the cyber gods who deemed it necessary to throw mankind's dirty laundry in my face. Never ( Read more... )

9:30 a.m. I enter the hallway, where I meet a certain boyfriend's certain roommate's certain dog. She peers up at me with hopeful eyes and long, jackass ears. Not the ignorant, irritating jackass who sat in the back of your psych class in college, but an actual jackass. Her ears are approximately two feet tall. Her entire backside begins to wiggle ( Read more... )

Christmas 2011 was filled with the usual shenanigans: Cussing over setting out the luminaries (It's a miserable process consisting of filling paper bags with sand and candles, then spacing them around the perimeter of the house in the bitter Christmas Eve cold, all for two hours of oooooohhhhs and ahhhhhhhhs before the bags start catching on fire ( Read more... )

Morbid? Yes. On the Same Page? Always.

The September sun sparkled down on Beverly Hills as our car cruised through the most glamorous city in the country. I sat in the passenger seat, wearing my new turquoise sundress and glittery necklace. My fingers and toes were bare of nail polish and ready for our afternoon nail appointments on Rodeo Drive. A  ( Read more... )

A little something I started last June...

Shameful

Movies I've watched since summer started:

• Dear John
• A Nightmare on Elm Street
• Precious
• The Lovely Bones
• Crazy Heart

House of Horrors

There was that horrible summer when I was surrounded by house centipedes every moment of the night and day. Those effers were living the good life, gallivanting all over 12 N. Boulevard with their millions of legs, as if they were the ones paying the $900 in rent. I spent house centipede season screaming, trembling, running, and ( Read more... )

Spring Came And Went


( Read more... )

Resolutions and Other Miserable Reminders of Much Needed Self Improvement

The early moments of 2010 found me slipping and sliding through the mud of Brandon's nearly grassless backyard deep in the ghetto of Richmond, trying to keep a steady grip on my plastic champagne flute. My party days have become few and far between in my old age, so after two ( Read more... )

I Shaved My Legs For This?

Standing in the shower, leg propped up on the towel bar, repeatedly dragging a fuchsia razor up your foamy shin, you find yourself glaring at your leg.  It strikes you just how much you loath the entire beautifying process, the endless maintenance, the never perfect results.  Plucking, tweaking, rinsing, exfoliating.  For ( Read more... )

Reasons Not to Go as Brandon's Date to a Wedding

• He will threaten to wear blue jeans.
• He will end up wearing slacks and a button-down shirt, but refuse to wear a tie.  He will complain about not getting to wear sneakers, then announce to anyone within earshot that he got his entire outfit from a thrift store.
• He will park three blocks away from your ( Read more... )