Pane of Glass
Title: Pane of Glass
'Verse: The Effect
Pairing: Chris/Seth
Rating: slash - implied
Author's Note: A lot of Chris introspection.
Seth belongs to guiltycross. Chris and Graham belong to me.
Chris had a strict schedule that he followed most days. He slept in as late as he possibly could. Sometimes this was only until around ten a.m. or so, and then someone was pounding on his door yelling at him to wake up. But sometimes he managed to sleep in until late afternoon. Those were good days. After he woke up, he showered, dressed, ate some breakfast, ignored Brooklyn ragging on him, ran for an hour, watched some television, and finally got down to work. When he really got rolling, he could work five hours straight, no stops except maybe to take a piss.
Then there were days like today, where he was woken up at nine a.m. and told to go grocery shopping. Did that, came back, and had to endure Brooklyn’s rant because he’d forgotten several items and bought some ‘crap’ instead. Tried pestering Graham, but he had homework. So Chris came up to his room in order to get some work done.
And he couldn’t concentrate. Not even for ten minutes at a time, and when he has to work on complicated programs like the one he currently was, concentration and focus was key.
For starters, it was really hot. Even with the air blowing, Chris was uncomfortable. He wasn’t that fond of air conditioning anyway. He preferred a more natural breeze. The heat from his computers didn’t really help much either though.
And then there was Seth. Chris was beginning to wonder if he was developing a Seth sense. (He already had a sixth sense, this would be his seventh.) Because now, almost every time he went to the window, it seemed like Seth was there, lounging on his balcony, the lucky bastard. Why Ethan wouldn’t connect the balcony to Chris’s room, he just couldn’t understand.
The window called to him, beckoning him to view the blonde vision it framed. Chris got up, adjusted the shorts that hung loosely around his hips, and moved over to the window, twitching back the drapes ever so slightly.
Seth was sunbathing, or, rather, reading a book, but soaking in the sun as he was doing so. Two birds with one stone. Three, if you counted giving Chris something to admire as well. Though it was doubtful that was ever Seth’s intention.
Although, he did wonder, sometimes. It didn’t take Chris long to figure out, when Seth had first arrived, that he had a great view of his balcony, and could watch Seth from his room. Sure, it was kind of creepy, but it was the only time Chris could watch the guy when he wasn’t all closed up. And at first, Seth was completely open when he used the balcony. Then something changed. Maybe he figured out that Chris had a vantage point. Probably. Because he started going out only if he was fully dressed, and nothing less.
In the past year or so, however, Seth had shaken that horrible habit. And the clothing that he wrapped himself in became less and less, as long as he was on the balcony. So today Seth was stretched out in just a pair of shorts, and not particularly long shorts either.
Chris still wasn’t absolutely sure if Seth could see him watching. He assumed he couldn’t, otherwise he wouldn’t be out there in nothing more than a pair of shorts. Chris knew the way Seth was, he hated it when Chris looked at him, and Chris looked at him every chance he got. If Seth could see him, he’d be dashing for the door right now to pull something baggy on.
And Chris hated that more than anything. It was so senseless to hide such a perfect body under loose fitting clothing. He’d tried for awhile, to look at him less, but it hadn’t made much of a difference. So he just went back to looking. And why the hell was Seth so self conscious about it anyway? He was admiring him, openly, to be sure, but it was admiration! Not disgust! Who could possibly be disgusted by him?
In any case, Chris loved these moments by the window. Because during this time, Seth wasn’t scowling at him. And Chris thought that maybe he could figure him out best by watching him in these quiet moments. Seth wasn’t covering up, and he didn’t mean just his body this time. Seth was always hiding.
He did try. Seth didn’t know how hard he tried. But he fumbled, every time he tried to be sweet, he managed to make a complete mess of it. Seth would get suspicious, and Chris would get offended, and pretty soon there was shouting and then one or both was storming off and then the rejection would seep in, and Chris had to go out and find someone to make him feel a little wanted, a little desired.
A little loved.
Graham thought he was an idiot. He didn’t say so of course, he was too sweet to say that. But Chris could tell in the way he tried to gently dissuade him. Chris could almost appreciate his efforts. He knew Graham just wanted him to be happy, the kid wanted everyone to be happy. But Chris wasn’t going to be happy as long as Seth remained this cold, hard object.
A year. God. How was it that a full year had gone by and still their relationship had not changed? He’d tried so many tactics. Being sexy or seductive never worked, Seth just seemed to close up even more. Chris wondered if maybe that was due to the empathy thing. That Seth had to close up, otherwise he’d react. And that was a shame.
So he tried being fun. He got derision back. He tried being serious. He got sarcastic surprise. He tried being sweet. He got suspicion.
He hadn’t yet really tried being himself. But then, Seth hasn’t either. So it was only fair.
The sun was catching golden strands and making them shimmer, glowing on his skin and drawing just enough sweat to make him glisten. And fuck it, but Chris wanted to walk out there and just… lick him.
Okay, backtrack. Licking Seth would surely mean getting his tongue yanked right out of his mouth. Chris pouted a little to himself. If Seth would just give him half a chance, he could prove… he could prove….
Prove what, exactly? Chris reminded himself for the billionth time since he’d first laid eyes on Seth that even if, even if Seth ever gave him that chance, what could Chris do with it but ruin it? He was just as closed off as Seth was, even if it didn’t seem that way. He let people into his shallow regions, but rarely ever the deeper side. And boyfriends? Forget it. He was terrible in relationships. Because if Chris was perfectly honest with himself, he loved too much when he was in a relationship, and that love was never really reflected back.
He didn’t want to go through that with Seth. Not with anyone. But especially not with Seth. And maybe that was his real reason for being unable to try being himself. Maybe that was why Seth kept himself just as closed off. Maybe that was why Graham used his eyes to tell him he was being a fool. Maybe that was why he had to use this window, wondering if Seth knew he was watching, wondering if Seth wanted him to watch.
And each time that thought entered his head, Chris would just laugh and turn away and go back to work for another ten minutes before the window drew him back like an invisible yo-yo string was attached to him. He hated Seth for making this window necessary.
But he was also so glad that he had it.
'Verse: The Effect
Pairing: Chris/Seth
Rating: slash - implied
Author's Note: A lot of Chris introspection.
Seth belongs to guiltycross. Chris and Graham belong to me.
Chris had a strict schedule that he followed most days. He slept in as late as he possibly could. Sometimes this was only until around ten a.m. or so, and then someone was pounding on his door yelling at him to wake up. But sometimes he managed to sleep in until late afternoon. Those were good days. After he woke up, he showered, dressed, ate some breakfast, ignored Brooklyn ragging on him, ran for an hour, watched some television, and finally got down to work. When he really got rolling, he could work five hours straight, no stops except maybe to take a piss.
Then there were days like today, where he was woken up at nine a.m. and told to go grocery shopping. Did that, came back, and had to endure Brooklyn’s rant because he’d forgotten several items and bought some ‘crap’ instead. Tried pestering Graham, but he had homework. So Chris came up to his room in order to get some work done.
And he couldn’t concentrate. Not even for ten minutes at a time, and when he has to work on complicated programs like the one he currently was, concentration and focus was key.
For starters, it was really hot. Even with the air blowing, Chris was uncomfortable. He wasn’t that fond of air conditioning anyway. He preferred a more natural breeze. The heat from his computers didn’t really help much either though.
And then there was Seth. Chris was beginning to wonder if he was developing a Seth sense. (He already had a sixth sense, this would be his seventh.) Because now, almost every time he went to the window, it seemed like Seth was there, lounging on his balcony, the lucky bastard. Why Ethan wouldn’t connect the balcony to Chris’s room, he just couldn’t understand.
The window called to him, beckoning him to view the blonde vision it framed. Chris got up, adjusted the shorts that hung loosely around his hips, and moved over to the window, twitching back the drapes ever so slightly.
Seth was sunbathing, or, rather, reading a book, but soaking in the sun as he was doing so. Two birds with one stone. Three, if you counted giving Chris something to admire as well. Though it was doubtful that was ever Seth’s intention.
Although, he did wonder, sometimes. It didn’t take Chris long to figure out, when Seth had first arrived, that he had a great view of his balcony, and could watch Seth from his room. Sure, it was kind of creepy, but it was the only time Chris could watch the guy when he wasn’t all closed up. And at first, Seth was completely open when he used the balcony. Then something changed. Maybe he figured out that Chris had a vantage point. Probably. Because he started going out only if he was fully dressed, and nothing less.
In the past year or so, however, Seth had shaken that horrible habit. And the clothing that he wrapped himself in became less and less, as long as he was on the balcony. So today Seth was stretched out in just a pair of shorts, and not particularly long shorts either.
Chris still wasn’t absolutely sure if Seth could see him watching. He assumed he couldn’t, otherwise he wouldn’t be out there in nothing more than a pair of shorts. Chris knew the way Seth was, he hated it when Chris looked at him, and Chris looked at him every chance he got. If Seth could see him, he’d be dashing for the door right now to pull something baggy on.
And Chris hated that more than anything. It was so senseless to hide such a perfect body under loose fitting clothing. He’d tried for awhile, to look at him less, but it hadn’t made much of a difference. So he just went back to looking. And why the hell was Seth so self conscious about it anyway? He was admiring him, openly, to be sure, but it was admiration! Not disgust! Who could possibly be disgusted by him?
In any case, Chris loved these moments by the window. Because during this time, Seth wasn’t scowling at him. And Chris thought that maybe he could figure him out best by watching him in these quiet moments. Seth wasn’t covering up, and he didn’t mean just his body this time. Seth was always hiding.
He did try. Seth didn’t know how hard he tried. But he fumbled, every time he tried to be sweet, he managed to make a complete mess of it. Seth would get suspicious, and Chris would get offended, and pretty soon there was shouting and then one or both was storming off and then the rejection would seep in, and Chris had to go out and find someone to make him feel a little wanted, a little desired.
A little loved.
Graham thought he was an idiot. He didn’t say so of course, he was too sweet to say that. But Chris could tell in the way he tried to gently dissuade him. Chris could almost appreciate his efforts. He knew Graham just wanted him to be happy, the kid wanted everyone to be happy. But Chris wasn’t going to be happy as long as Seth remained this cold, hard object.
A year. God. How was it that a full year had gone by and still their relationship had not changed? He’d tried so many tactics. Being sexy or seductive never worked, Seth just seemed to close up even more. Chris wondered if maybe that was due to the empathy thing. That Seth had to close up, otherwise he’d react. And that was a shame.
So he tried being fun. He got derision back. He tried being serious. He got sarcastic surprise. He tried being sweet. He got suspicion.
He hadn’t yet really tried being himself. But then, Seth hasn’t either. So it was only fair.
The sun was catching golden strands and making them shimmer, glowing on his skin and drawing just enough sweat to make him glisten. And fuck it, but Chris wanted to walk out there and just… lick him.
Okay, backtrack. Licking Seth would surely mean getting his tongue yanked right out of his mouth. Chris pouted a little to himself. If Seth would just give him half a chance, he could prove… he could prove….
Prove what, exactly? Chris reminded himself for the billionth time since he’d first laid eyes on Seth that even if, even if Seth ever gave him that chance, what could Chris do with it but ruin it? He was just as closed off as Seth was, even if it didn’t seem that way. He let people into his shallow regions, but rarely ever the deeper side. And boyfriends? Forget it. He was terrible in relationships. Because if Chris was perfectly honest with himself, he loved too much when he was in a relationship, and that love was never really reflected back.
He didn’t want to go through that with Seth. Not with anyone. But especially not with Seth. And maybe that was his real reason for being unable to try being himself. Maybe that was why Seth kept himself just as closed off. Maybe that was why Graham used his eyes to tell him he was being a fool. Maybe that was why he had to use this window, wondering if Seth knew he was watching, wondering if Seth wanted him to watch.
And each time that thought entered his head, Chris would just laugh and turn away and go back to work for another ten minutes before the window drew him back like an invisible yo-yo string was attached to him. He hated Seth for making this window necessary.
But he was also so glad that he had it.