Vulnerable
Title: Vulnerable
'Verse: The Effect
Pairing: Chris/Seth
Rating: slash - implied
Author's Note: Part of the After the Secrets series, following Post Card Secrets piece. The After the Secrets pieces will each contain two parts: What Would Never Happen and What Actually Happened.
Vulnerable
After the Secrets: What Would Never Happen
Chris and Seth
Chris lay on his bed, Boxer curled up on his stomach, idly stroking her head. It had been a really weird day. He still didn't really know what had made him convince the others to play that game, only that.. he'd wanted Seth to know, without really knowing, how Chris felt. What he was really like. And if he'd just give him a chance.
Except you really aren't good enough for him.
"Oh, shut up," he grumbled. Boxer lifted her head curiously.
A light went on in Seth's room. Chris turned his head to look out his window at the little balcony attached outside of the blonde's bedroom. He was still trying to convince Ethan to expand it so that it reached Chris's room as well.
It was probably a good thing that Seth didn't know Chris wasn't quite the bastard he made himself out to be. That he had fears and worries and emotions other than lust.
But he does know, a voice in the back of his head suddenly announced. Empath. Shit.
He sat up. Boxer mewed indignantly. He pushed her off, gently, and left his room. Then he changed his mind, went back in his own, pulled on a pair of sweatpants over his boxers, and left his room again.
He knocked on Seth's door. After a pause, the blonde opened it, standing there in a white wife beater and his own sweats. He glared at him.
"What?"
Chris pushed in past him. "You know."
"Know what?"
"Oh, come off it," he snapped. "You know all our secrets."
Seth glared all the harder. "I tried to tell you--"
"Bullshit. You could have outright said it. You should have outright said it. The point of the game was so no one would know!"
"Is it that important that I don't know?"
"Of course it fucking is! Otherwise I would have just told you my secrets! That's why they're secrets! Fuck!"
He rose an eyebrow. "So then what was the point of the game?"
"I told you! It was… what Brook said!"
"Right. Empath," he reminded him.
"Fffuuuck," Chris groaned, crumpling to the floor. "This was such a bad idea."
"That's what I thought."
"Shut up," he grumbled. Then his head jerked up. "Well, fair's fair! Since you know which ones are mine, you have to tell me which ones were yours."
"Yeah right, in your dreams!"
"I won't tell anyone," Chris promised quietly. He reached out, curling his hand around Seth's wrist. "I think I might know some of them anyway." He slowly rubbed his thumb in circles on his wrist. Not suggestively, simply… touching. Almost comforting, reassuring.
Seth tugged his hand away from him. "I'm not going to tell you my secrets, Chris. I--"
"You'd feel vulnerable. I know."
The blonde shot him his most menacing glare, the deadly one that threatened a quick kick in the balls if Chris didn't watch it. "Not funny," he grated out.
"Wasn't meant to be. Do you want me to keep guessing? Or will you just tell me?"
Silence.
Chris stood up from his recovered defeated position from the floor. "Okay then. Guessing it is. You drink so you can have sex and not feel guilty. Which, by the way, I strongly disapprove of." He grinned. "And that's bad, when I disapprove of something."
"Shut--"
"Shut up, I know. Too bad. I think you might be the one afraid of commitment."
Seth looked triumphant.
"Guess not then. Are you the one who should be happier?"
Again, triumph.
"See, Seth, I'm not doing so hot at this. You should just tell me, make it easier."
"You should just stop trying. That would make it even easier."
Chris studied him carefully. Seth turned away from his gaze. "Can't. Okay then, I'd have to say that you're the one whose afraid of sex. Sometimes. When you're sober, I guess."
Seth turned a shade of red. Anger or embarrassment? His hand curled into a fist. Anger then.
"Well, I don't really remember many of the other secrets. I think I got the important ones though. Anything else you want to share, Seth? You've been so personable today."
"Chris--"
"I'm not going to hurt you," he interrupted. "I would never do anything to betray your trust, Seth, I just wish you would realize that." He ran his hand through his hair in frustration.
"That's not it," he muttered.
"Then what is it? Tell me, Seth. Tell me something."
"If you knew--" he began haltingly. "If you really knew… You wouldn't want me anymore."
"Knew what?" Chris asked in surprise.
"Something I couldn't even write down on a piece of paper," he muttered, and licked his lips. "I can't explain. Don't ask me to."
The dark haired man grinned at him. "Why does it matter? You don't like me, so what would my opinion mean? In fact," he added. "Since you really don't like me, and you want me to leave you alone, you should tell me. Best bet to get me to stop bothering you, right? Since I won't want you anymore."
Seth turned every shade of red. "You--I--No--You!"
Chris quickly grabbed him in a hug before he could run away or punch him or do any of the other 'really bad things' that would make this go in the completely wrong direction that it was already heading towards. "Shh. I'm sorry. I won't ask anymore, okay? It's your secret. I can respect that. I can respect you, Seth."
"Why do you have to be so…. so…."
"Devilishly handsome? It's in the genes, sweetheart."
"I was going more for…. incorrigible."
"I'll let you know after I've looked it up."
"Bastard." But he was still letting Chris hold him.
"At least you can rely on me to be a bastard," Chris pointed out. Seth gave him a 'look'. "You wanna lay down? Just lay down," he continued quickly. "I like laying in bed next to the people I care about."
Seth punched his shoulder. Chris let him. "You are SO not funny."
"Still not trying to be. And that hurt. I think the doctor would order some bed rest."
"You're not going to give up, are you?"
"Never do," he swore solemnly. "Never will."
Seth thought it over. "Maybe just for awhile. Since the doctor ordered bed rest and all."
Chris grinned at him. Seth almost returned it. It was a start.
After the Secrets: What Actually Happened
Chris and Seth
Chris sprawled on his bed lazily, looking up at the ceiling and thinking over the game they had just played downstairs. He still couldn't believe he'd had the nerve to do it, to actually share his secrets with the others, especially when they hardly knew him. Actually knew him.
He wondered if any of his had been too obvious. The others had been, sometimes. He knew Graham was the one who hadn't been kissed, and found that to be both sad and hysterical at the same time. And Ethan, Chris was pretty sure, was the one who would have pursued desires with unsavory consequences. Chris mused a little on what those desires could entail, and all that came to mind was the thin, timid boy that lived just down the hall. He chuckled and shook his head. Ethan, you dirty old man.
Boxer jumped onto his bed and bumped her face against his arm. He scratched her head behind her ears and listened to her purr like a car engine.
And what about Seth? Which secrets had been his? Chris was almost positive that he was the one who hated feeling vulnerable. It didn't take an empath to-
Chris sat up sharply. Empath. Seth. The secrets.
He punched his fist against the wall. "Fuck!"
Seth knew. Of course he damn well knew, he would have been able to sense the nervous, butterfly sensations Chris had been feeling each time someone read off one of his secrets. And he was pretty sure it was the same for the others.
He stood up and stalked over to the door of the bathroom he and Seth shared. I'm going to punch him in his stupid, empath face for not telling me!
He stopped at the door. That would mean actually confronting him, facing him when he now knew his secrets. I know I'm not good enough for you. He turned around and slumped against the wall. He couldn't. He just couldn't. He didn't think he could even bear to look at Seth now that he knew.
Chris slowly made his way back over to his bed, where Boxer was curled on his pillow, peacefully napping. "You wouldn't hate me for my secrets, would you, Boxer?" he asked her, crawling under the covers and curling an arm around her. She opened one eye, blinked at him, and went back to her nap. Chris rolled over onto his back and stared up at the ceiling some more.
Seth made his way out onto his balcony, needing to get away from the tension in the house before his head exploded. He flopped down on his chair and stared up at the sky. It had been one of the most awkward moments in his life, listening to all those secrets being told and knowing exactly whose secret was whose. Knowing that Brooklyn hasn't forgiven her mother for dying, that Keith was afraid to become his father, that Ethan felt he should be happier, that poor Graham believes love has conditions-and maybe he's wiser than most, that Nate was afraid of himself, that Chris….
God. Chris. Seth hadn't expected him to be so human. I don't like myself. Who would have ever thought that Chris-vain, arrogant, self-absorbed Chris-actually had low self-esteem?
I know I'm not good enough for you.
Seth turned his face to the window of Chris's bedroom. Chris might feel that way, but sometimes Seth thought it was the other way around. He wasn't good enough for Chris.
I hate that I love you. When the words had been read out loud, Seth had almost shivered to hear them. He still couldn't believe, he refused to believe, that Chris actually knew what love was.
Then again, sometimes he thought that he didn't know what love was either.
He wrapped his arms around his knees. Even when Chris wasn't around, he still managed to make him feel so vulnerable. And Seth hated that.
'Verse: The Effect
Pairing: Chris/Seth
Rating: slash - implied
Author's Note: Part of the After the Secrets series, following Post Card Secrets piece. The After the Secrets pieces will each contain two parts: What Would Never Happen and What Actually Happened.
Vulnerable
After the Secrets: What Would Never Happen
Chris and Seth
Chris lay on his bed, Boxer curled up on his stomach, idly stroking her head. It had been a really weird day. He still didn't really know what had made him convince the others to play that game, only that.. he'd wanted Seth to know, without really knowing, how Chris felt. What he was really like. And if he'd just give him a chance.
Except you really aren't good enough for him.
"Oh, shut up," he grumbled. Boxer lifted her head curiously.
A light went on in Seth's room. Chris turned his head to look out his window at the little balcony attached outside of the blonde's bedroom. He was still trying to convince Ethan to expand it so that it reached Chris's room as well.
It was probably a good thing that Seth didn't know Chris wasn't quite the bastard he made himself out to be. That he had fears and worries and emotions other than lust.
But he does know, a voice in the back of his head suddenly announced. Empath. Shit.
He sat up. Boxer mewed indignantly. He pushed her off, gently, and left his room. Then he changed his mind, went back in his own, pulled on a pair of sweatpants over his boxers, and left his room again.
He knocked on Seth's door. After a pause, the blonde opened it, standing there in a white wife beater and his own sweats. He glared at him.
"What?"
Chris pushed in past him. "You know."
"Know what?"
"Oh, come off it," he snapped. "You know all our secrets."
Seth glared all the harder. "I tried to tell you--"
"Bullshit. You could have outright said it. You should have outright said it. The point of the game was so no one would know!"
"Is it that important that I don't know?"
"Of course it fucking is! Otherwise I would have just told you my secrets! That's why they're secrets! Fuck!"
He rose an eyebrow. "So then what was the point of the game?"
"I told you! It was… what Brook said!"
"Right. Empath," he reminded him.
"Fffuuuck," Chris groaned, crumpling to the floor. "This was such a bad idea."
"That's what I thought."
"Shut up," he grumbled. Then his head jerked up. "Well, fair's fair! Since you know which ones are mine, you have to tell me which ones were yours."
"Yeah right, in your dreams!"
"I won't tell anyone," Chris promised quietly. He reached out, curling his hand around Seth's wrist. "I think I might know some of them anyway." He slowly rubbed his thumb in circles on his wrist. Not suggestively, simply… touching. Almost comforting, reassuring.
Seth tugged his hand away from him. "I'm not going to tell you my secrets, Chris. I--"
"You'd feel vulnerable. I know."
The blonde shot him his most menacing glare, the deadly one that threatened a quick kick in the balls if Chris didn't watch it. "Not funny," he grated out.
"Wasn't meant to be. Do you want me to keep guessing? Or will you just tell me?"
Silence.
Chris stood up from his recovered defeated position from the floor. "Okay then. Guessing it is. You drink so you can have sex and not feel guilty. Which, by the way, I strongly disapprove of." He grinned. "And that's bad, when I disapprove of something."
"Shut--"
"Shut up, I know. Too bad. I think you might be the one afraid of commitment."
Seth looked triumphant.
"Guess not then. Are you the one who should be happier?"
Again, triumph.
"See, Seth, I'm not doing so hot at this. You should just tell me, make it easier."
"You should just stop trying. That would make it even easier."
Chris studied him carefully. Seth turned away from his gaze. "Can't. Okay then, I'd have to say that you're the one whose afraid of sex. Sometimes. When you're sober, I guess."
Seth turned a shade of red. Anger or embarrassment? His hand curled into a fist. Anger then.
"Well, I don't really remember many of the other secrets. I think I got the important ones though. Anything else you want to share, Seth? You've been so personable today."
"Chris--"
"I'm not going to hurt you," he interrupted. "I would never do anything to betray your trust, Seth, I just wish you would realize that." He ran his hand through his hair in frustration.
"That's not it," he muttered.
"Then what is it? Tell me, Seth. Tell me something."
"If you knew--" he began haltingly. "If you really knew… You wouldn't want me anymore."
"Knew what?" Chris asked in surprise.
"Something I couldn't even write down on a piece of paper," he muttered, and licked his lips. "I can't explain. Don't ask me to."
The dark haired man grinned at him. "Why does it matter? You don't like me, so what would my opinion mean? In fact," he added. "Since you really don't like me, and you want me to leave you alone, you should tell me. Best bet to get me to stop bothering you, right? Since I won't want you anymore."
Seth turned every shade of red. "You--I--No--You!"
Chris quickly grabbed him in a hug before he could run away or punch him or do any of the other 'really bad things' that would make this go in the completely wrong direction that it was already heading towards. "Shh. I'm sorry. I won't ask anymore, okay? It's your secret. I can respect that. I can respect you, Seth."
"Why do you have to be so…. so…."
"Devilishly handsome? It's in the genes, sweetheart."
"I was going more for…. incorrigible."
"I'll let you know after I've looked it up."
"Bastard." But he was still letting Chris hold him.
"At least you can rely on me to be a bastard," Chris pointed out. Seth gave him a 'look'. "You wanna lay down? Just lay down," he continued quickly. "I like laying in bed next to the people I care about."
Seth punched his shoulder. Chris let him. "You are SO not funny."
"Still not trying to be. And that hurt. I think the doctor would order some bed rest."
"You're not going to give up, are you?"
"Never do," he swore solemnly. "Never will."
Seth thought it over. "Maybe just for awhile. Since the doctor ordered bed rest and all."
Chris grinned at him. Seth almost returned it. It was a start.
After the Secrets: What Actually Happened
Chris and Seth
Chris sprawled on his bed lazily, looking up at the ceiling and thinking over the game they had just played downstairs. He still couldn't believe he'd had the nerve to do it, to actually share his secrets with the others, especially when they hardly knew him. Actually knew him.
He wondered if any of his had been too obvious. The others had been, sometimes. He knew Graham was the one who hadn't been kissed, and found that to be both sad and hysterical at the same time. And Ethan, Chris was pretty sure, was the one who would have pursued desires with unsavory consequences. Chris mused a little on what those desires could entail, and all that came to mind was the thin, timid boy that lived just down the hall. He chuckled and shook his head. Ethan, you dirty old man.
Boxer jumped onto his bed and bumped her face against his arm. He scratched her head behind her ears and listened to her purr like a car engine.
And what about Seth? Which secrets had been his? Chris was almost positive that he was the one who hated feeling vulnerable. It didn't take an empath to-
Chris sat up sharply. Empath. Seth. The secrets.
He punched his fist against the wall. "Fuck!"
Seth knew. Of course he damn well knew, he would have been able to sense the nervous, butterfly sensations Chris had been feeling each time someone read off one of his secrets. And he was pretty sure it was the same for the others.
He stood up and stalked over to the door of the bathroom he and Seth shared. I'm going to punch him in his stupid, empath face for not telling me!
He stopped at the door. That would mean actually confronting him, facing him when he now knew his secrets. I know I'm not good enough for you. He turned around and slumped against the wall. He couldn't. He just couldn't. He didn't think he could even bear to look at Seth now that he knew.
Chris slowly made his way back over to his bed, where Boxer was curled on his pillow, peacefully napping. "You wouldn't hate me for my secrets, would you, Boxer?" he asked her, crawling under the covers and curling an arm around her. She opened one eye, blinked at him, and went back to her nap. Chris rolled over onto his back and stared up at the ceiling some more.
Seth made his way out onto his balcony, needing to get away from the tension in the house before his head exploded. He flopped down on his chair and stared up at the sky. It had been one of the most awkward moments in his life, listening to all those secrets being told and knowing exactly whose secret was whose. Knowing that Brooklyn hasn't forgiven her mother for dying, that Keith was afraid to become his father, that Ethan felt he should be happier, that poor Graham believes love has conditions-and maybe he's wiser than most, that Nate was afraid of himself, that Chris….
God. Chris. Seth hadn't expected him to be so human. I don't like myself. Who would have ever thought that Chris-vain, arrogant, self-absorbed Chris-actually had low self-esteem?
I know I'm not good enough for you.
Seth turned his face to the window of Chris's bedroom. Chris might feel that way, but sometimes Seth thought it was the other way around. He wasn't good enough for Chris.
I hate that I love you. When the words had been read out loud, Seth had almost shivered to hear them. He still couldn't believe, he refused to believe, that Chris actually knew what love was.
Then again, sometimes he thought that he didn't know what love was either.
He wrapped his arms around his knees. Even when Chris wasn't around, he still managed to make him feel so vulnerable. And Seth hated that.