I'm trying to decide who to hate more: you or myself.  I know it, I confirmed it, she's there all the time almost every night, but I gave you the benefit of the doubt.  Maybe, just maybe, you'd tell me. But you don't and you feed me some bullshit line about wanting to see me, but I wonder if this is an ego game for you, do you get off on tricking ( Read more... )

AM says to me I'm living a double life, moreso than anyone she knows. She brushes hair out of my eye when she says it, the bangs that cover the left eye, the left side of my face only. There's no symmetry in me, one side is different from the other, eye lower, birthmarks and scars all distributed to that left hand side, but she doesn't know. CB ( Read more... )

We're sitting there and we're really not connecting, and then there's alcohol in our bloodstream and we sort of are; we keep getting interrupted. I hate carrboro. Before I knew she was single I thought about kissing her on the mouth and now that she isn't the urge is less strong; isn't that always the way with me, but it's still there a little, ( Read more... )

Writing is like a muscle; it needs exercise, so why not here, build this old girl back up from a limp to a shuffle ( Read more... )

I look at the blanked-out faces of the other passengers--hoisting their briefcases, their backpacks, shuffling to disembark--and I think of what Hobie said: beauty alters the grain of reality. And I keep thinking too of the more conventional wisdom: namely, that the pursuit of pure beauty is a trap, a fast track to bitterness and sorrow, that ( Read more... )

My life is small and remote and maybe that's okay, it just might be okay.

Things are pretty goddamn okay right now.

I don't know where I'm going, but I'm going to try for the kingdom if I can.

You get stuck in this spiral. You do the same things like you used to and they just make you feel self conscious or like you're ruining everyone else's time by doing what you want or the rest of the pieces don't fall in place like they used to ( Read more... )

Impulsively I text expecting nothing and somehow I find myself buying him cigarettes and pointing my car in the old familiar direction ( Read more... )

Today I found a copy of the Watchtower on my porch. I know that if I could believe I'd be happier but I don't.