Fic: Back, and Back, and Back a Little More (Future Optional) (5/7)
Title: Back, and Back, and Back a Little More (Future Optional) (5/7)
Author: nancybrown
Prompt: Back to the Future
Characters: Ianto, Jack, Jenny, Madame Vastra, Strax, Parker, Martha, Gwen
Rating: R
Warnings: violence, character death, mention of sexual assault, prostitution, language, and severe bending of time travel plausibility even taking all three canons into account
Spoilers: through TW: "Exit Wounds" and through DW: "The Snowmen"
Words: 32,500 (3,000 this part)
Beta: tymewyse and fide_et_spe both had a hand in making this far more comprehensible than it would have been. All remaining aspects of wtfery are mine alone.
Summary: Accidentally shot into the past by a time-travelling car, Ianto has to fix his own mistakes or he won't have a future to go back to.
AN: Written for reel_torchwood Screening 6. Also fills the Trope Bingo space: au:fusion
Disclaimer: BBC, Universal, RTD, Steven Moffat, and Robert Zemeckis own these characters and situations, and want nothing to do with this ridiculous fluff piece of faux-Victoriana.
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
***
Chapter Five
***
"You are completely rubbish at this," Jack said for the fifth time.
"I know!" Ianto buried his face in his hands at the little table. Vastra had sent him home for the evening, and told him to bring his friends round in the morning. She'd seemed excited at the prospect of chatting with more of the Doctor's associates.
"The first rule of time travel is not to let on that you're a time traveller. You've told everyone you've met!"
"Not true. I didn't tell Parker."
"Oh good," Jack said, sarcasm dripping. "At least Parker doesn't know. Who's Parker?"
"Her driver."
"Rubbish."
Ianto banged his head down again. "She wants you and Strax around for breakfast tomorrow."
"This is good."
"She didn't invite Jenny. She didn't want to see Jenny again. She doesn't dislike her. She simply doesn't care because Jenny didn't travel with the Doctor."
"Yeah. Good question why, too. She's his type: young, cute, not so bright." Jack smiled in memory, and Ianto did not point out the obvious.
"I need to set them up, or I have no future to go back to." He'd checked his mobile again, although the battery was beginning to fade. Owen was gone from the photograph. Tosh was starting to disappear. All his photos of Lisa had vanished from the phone's memory, God alone knew why.
"Then let's try another plan. What would make the two of them notice each other, since the not at all alien plague didn't work."
Ianto thought about it. "Jenny likes me because I saved her life. If Vastra saves her life, maybe she'll fall for her instead."
"Risky but plausible. The Lysans are attacking in two days. Send the team out during the attack, arrange for Jenny to be threatened, Vastra rushes in and rescues her, violins play, hearts and flowers. Why do these two have to hook up again?"
Ianto didn't answer. "I'm not fond of the idea of endangering Jenny for the sake of this. What if she's injured or killed?" He had a selfish reason behind his concern, because her death meant he surely wasn't getting home, but he really did like her as well. "There has to be a better way."
"You already said no to getting them both drunk and putting them in bed together."
"And I'm saying no to that again."
"You won't let me seduce them both."
"Also a no."
"And you're not going to seduce them both."
"God, no."
Jack snapped his fingers, as though he'd had a brilliant idea. "You could play Cyrano. Write them each love letters to get them to fall for the stroke of a pen."
"I'm not a poet, and neither are you."
Indeed, Jack had written him precisely one romantic poem for Valentine's Day. The others had long been gone to their various assignations. Ianto hadn't figured a way even to ask Jack if he had plans when he'd found the first line written in dry-erase marker on the minifridge in the butler's pantry: "Roses are red." An arrow pointed to the stairs. The Post-It note stuck to the stairs had read: "Violets are blue." Another arrow led him to Tosh's station and a note. "I don't like poems." The fourth line was on Gwen's desk. "And neither do you." The fifth was on the cogwheel: "Coffee is brown." Ianto had laughed out loud at that, and followed the next clue to the door of Jack's office. "I think you like ducks." Inside the office, there had been an arrow pointing down to the open cover of Jack's bunker. There'd been another note. "Please climb down." There had been no eighth note, merely a Captain Jack stretched out and smirking, with the only stitch of clothing on his body the red satin ribbon he'd thoughtfully wrapped around himself.
"No poetry."
"Have you considered setting them up on a blind date? Inviting them to the same party? I don't really know what you're looking for, here. I don't do relationships."
"I know," Ianto said, perhaps more sharply than he should have. "As I said, we've met. You're quite consistent."
If Jack noticed his annoyance, he didn't acknowledge it. Instead, he scratched his chin in thought. "The party idea isn't bad. We're headed to hers for breakfast with Strax anyway, so let's bring Jenny and introduce them again."
"I can't just invite random guests."
"No lady of manners would say no if you brought your sweetheart."
An image of the little red bow entered his mind again. Ianto had untied his present with his teeth. "Jenny is not my sweetheart."
"She doesn't know that. Invite her as your companion. Work that for a day or so until the Lysan invasion, and when there's an opportunity, play the coward and let Vastra rescue her instead."
"This will never work."
"It'll have to." Jack picked up his hat and dusted the brim. "I'll see you in the morning."
"I thought you were in for the night."
"Not tonight. I have a regular client who has me over on Thursday nights." That would explain the bath he'd taken earlier. He'd offered Ianto the still-warm bathwater when he'd finished, and Ianto had reluctantly accepted both the water and Jack's impenitent stares. He'd even said yes to a quick lesson with Jack's straight-razor, something he'd been terrified to try back home as much as his Jack had wheedled. Jack had purred and licked and promised that he'd made every sharp stroke a much deeper pleasure than they'd managed with the plastic safety razor. Ianto's experiences under Jack's gentle touch using the cheap disposable had been intense enough, with Jack's rough, warm tongue soothing every centimetre of skin he exposed.
But instead of making a pass at him, this Jack was going to work.
"Do you have to?"
Jack let out a noise between an annoyed groan and a sigh. "You may be going home in a few days, but I have to eat next week. Besides, this one isn't bad. He tells his servants I'm instructing him how to box. His wife watches us. Sometimes I have permission to go down on her while he's doing me. Nice couple. They usually ask me to sleep over and go for more in the morning, but I'll join you for breakfast at Madame Vastra's."
And with that, he was gone.
***
Breakfast went both better and worse than he'd expected. Ianto did still have his position, which meant he was still the cook. Jack and Strax kept company with Madame Vastra in the humid hothouse where she spent much of her time during the chilly March days. He'd made hints to Jenny to stay with them, but nothing could stop her from following him back into the kitchen.
"Honestly," Ianto said, "I can do this." Another lie. He'd convinced Parker to light the stove for him last night. He couldn't so much as get a strike until Jenny set aside her hat and gloves, found an apron, and lit the great iron oven like a professional.
"There. I was in service for a while. Easy enough to get back into." After that, she took over, nice as you please, sending him to fetch eggs and flour and salt and tea as she needed them. He hid his revulsion as she put large gobs of lard onto the pan to fry, but the mouth-watering smell brought him round again. Together they sorted out the coffee screw, filling the whole house with a gorgeous aroma.
He took a small cup, just to sample the quality, honestly, and the headache he'd been fighting for days smoothed out. "Thank you for your help."
She raised her eyebrows knowingly, and he laughed. "Well enough," he added. "Thank you for allowing me to help."
Jenny gave a half-curtsey. "I could get used to being around a kitchen again." She could, he thought. Jenny efficiently cooked a nice breakfast for everyone in much less time than it would have taken Ianto even to get the pan hot. "You don't cook much, do you?"
"Jack does most of the cooking. I'm better at fetching orders from the restaurant."
If she noticed his slip, she didn't say, and he supposed it wasn't much of a slip. Jack here was his friend.
She did take off her apron before she slipped back into the room with the others, allowing him to serve the meal as was supposed to be his job. Madame had set out a decanter, and Jack had a glass of a golden-brown beverage in front of him. Ianto deftly moved his glass and replaced it with a coffee cup.
"I was drinking that."
"Were you?" He refused to hand the glass back.
When the food and drink was served, he went to stand aside. Madame Vastra rolled her eyes. "Sit down, Mr. Jones. We are all part of this."
He sat at the small table he'd dragged in, pressed between Jenny and Jack. He'd arranged for Jenny to sit next to Madame Vastra, but rapidly lost hope as the meal and conversation progressed. Vastra was fascinated with Strax, and to a lesser extent, Jack. She also asked Ianto questions about his past, whatever he could answer without damaging the timeline.
"And you've met the Doctor," Madame said to him, over her third cup of over sweet tea. She might look like a Jurassic Park nightmare, but she drank her tea exactly like Ianto's Gran.
"Not in person. We worked together." He didn't look at Jack although he felt Jack's interested stare on the side of his face. "When Darth Vader invaded from the Planet Vulcan. Jenny, you've met the Doctor, haven't you?"
"Oh yes." She launched into her tale, shooting back and forth with Strax over details. At last, she had Vastra's attention. Ianto asked questions every time the story seemed to head to a close, drawing her out. Jack, alas, was just as fascinated by her story. Ianto nudged him under the table. Jack nudged him right back. Ianto stepped on his foot, and was rejoined by a hand in his lap.
This was not the first time he'd sat at a table with Jack whilst interesting things happened below the tablecloth. Unfortunately, he couldn't let himself enjoy this time, and pulled Jack's hand away.
"Are you all right?" Jenny asked him, as he bumped her on accident.
"I'm fine." He smiled. "If you'll excuse me, I'll take the plates." He stood, collecting the dishes quickly.
Jenny stood. "I'll help."
"No, you ought to tell Madame more about that badger alien."
"I'll help," Jack said, and collected the rest of the dishes himself. Together, they took everything to the kitchen. Ianto heated a basin of water. Jack lounged against the wall, watching him.
"I ought to go back and distract Strax," he drawled, "but I have to admit, you're cute bent over a pile of washing-up."
"Your kinks continue to plumb the depths of the banal and the strange." He plunged the dishes into the water with a bar of soap, and set about scrubbing. He ought to soak the pans.
He was surprised, and perhaps oughtn't have been, to feel Jack's warm body pressed up against his back, and his hands resting with the gentlest pressure on each hip. "And how," he breathed in Ianto's ear, "would you know so much about my kinks?"
Ianto dropped a plate into the basin.
"I know you in the future. I told you that."
Warm breath kissed his ear. "How well?"
He could turn. From this position, he could turn around, be pressed just that much over by Jack's imposing presence. No matter what he answered, they'd kiss. Jack liked kissing, liked pattering the softest rain of kisses against Ianto's mouth, and down his neck, liked meeting his closed lips and touching the sensitive skin of his ears until Ianto opened his mouth with a moan. Ianto knew all his moves, all his tells, could surprise and delight this Jack with his knowledge of what Jack enjoyed.
They would kiss, and they would half-wrestle until they were in the alcove of the scullery. Then it didn't matter whether it was Jack on his knees on the cold flagstones, or Ianto bent over with his flies open and a warm hand stroking him off. Hell, more than once back home, they hadn't even undressed, just kissed and rubbed against one another until their trousers were spoiled and messy. They could stand like that here, now, come undone without ever undoing a button and worry about covering themselves later, if Ianto but turned around.
He stayed where he was. "I know you well enough. Down, boy. I can't afford you."
It was exactly the wrong thing to say. Jack tensed instantly, backing away. Ianto did turn then, and saw the hurt before Jack covered it.
"I'm sorry," he said as fast as he could. "I didn't mean that."
"You did. But fine. You're right. We're working a job here. No time for distractions. I'll ask Strax to help me work on the car. You convince Jenny to stay."
"Jack, wait." But Jack was gone, and Ianto was not about to chase him. If he did, he'd tell this Jack everything. He knew he was rubbish at time travel. There was no point in making the situation worse.
***
Rather than chatting with Madame Vastra, Jenny continued haunting Ianto through his chores. She'd clearly done these same tasks before, and had no qualms telling him how to dust and press and fold. "No offence, but you aren't very good at being a butler," she chided, when he stared at the steam iron with no idea how to operate it.
"So I've been told. You really don't need to be helping. You could be telling Madame more about your adventures."
"Nonsense. You'd waste away without me."
"I would. You've cleaned most of the house today." He tried another go in the next room. "What do you think about her?"
"Who?"
"Madame."
"Oh her." Her face screwed up in thought. "Seems nice enough."
He pressed. "Do you like her?"
"Yes? Why? Is she looking to bring on more staff?" Her face changed. "I could work here with you. Be nice, honest work for an honest woman, yeah?"
"She might," he hedged. "Do you think she's beautiful?"
"She's a lizard." Jenny placed her hand over her mouth, and glanced around to make sure Madame wasn't listening. "Well, there's none of us can help how we're made. I'm sure she's very attractive for her species."
"But you don't perhaps find her very striking?"
"Striking?" She blinked, and her face grew disappointed. "Ianto, she's a high lady, whatever she looks like. You're a servant. It's best not to get ideas." She was colder to him now, as she swept out the last fire grating.
"Madame isn't my type." None of this was working. But perhaps as with Madame, the truth would work better with Jenny. "Can I trust you?"
She looked at him. "No. You can't trust anyone, not and be safe." He stared, and she relented. "Go on, then."
"Jack's my type. In the future, in my time, we're together. But this Jack doesn't know that, so please don't tell him."
Her eyes went big, and she stepped back from him. Then she nodded. "Sorry. I'm sorry," she said, colour flushing her cheeks. "I never should have.... It's fine."
"I do like you," he said, taking her hand so that she wouldn't run. "You're a good friend, and an excellent maid. You'd be much better in this position than I am. As you said, I'm awful. I'm from a future where everything is on the electric. I do most of my cooking in an electric box that heats a meal in four minutes."
She smiled shyly. "You're pulling my leg."
"Nope. Horseless carriages, flying ships, images broadcast from across the world in seconds, it's all coming."
"It sounds wonderful."
"It can be. Sometimes terrible, too," he said, thinking about the cold technology of Torchwood London and the chill of Lisa's metal limbs. "It's certainly interesting." In the ancient curse fashion, he mentally added. He'd been interested in the patterns of the burning machinery, and the pictures made by bloodstained concrete.
"Could I come with you when you go back?"
"What?" He snapped out of his reverie, lost in the sound of the machines that had kept his lover alive too long. "No, I don't think that's a good idea."
"But it'd be grand. Strax has told me all about his future. I want to see the same things." Her eyes sparkled with delight at the prospect of new adventures, whatever disappointment Ianto had given her overshadowed with anticipation. Had she only ever been interested in him as another adventure?
"Speaking of, I should really see how he and Jack are getting on with my time machine."
"You'd best make sure they haven't taken it."
"What do you mean?"
"Your friend is a time-traveller, yeah? So's Strax. Either of them would kill for a working time carriage."
***
Given Jenny's youth and Madame's generous if cold heart, she instructed Parker to drive her home and drop Ianto off at his.
"I'll expect you in the morning," she told him. "Although I'm wondering if hiring your charming companion wouldn't be better worth the price."
"She might be, ma'am. Good evening to you."
Jenny was deposited safely at her doorstep. Now freed of worrying that she might drive Ianto off, she gave him a sweet peck on the cheek before she disembarked.
"Charming girl," Parker said, when Ianto climbed to the top with him.
"She is. I'm hoping Madame brings her on as a maid." Having planted that seed, he asked Parker to drop him off near the shed.
Jenny's half-joke worried at him as he let himself inside the darkened workshop. Perhaps they'd finished. This was too dark, too quiet, too empty.
Ianto stared at the place where the time car had been stored. Had Jack and Strax together made it work without the Lysans' beam? His heart sunk. Given the chance to dash ahead in time, even his Jack had run off at the first sounds of the TARDIS engines. Did Strax honestly have a better reason to stay here, in the land of syphilis and measles?
They'd gone. Of course they'd gone. Knowing Jack's wide tastes, he may have even given Strax a freebie as a thank you.
"Fuck."
***
Chapter Six
Author: nancybrown
Prompt: Back to the Future
Characters: Ianto, Jack, Jenny, Madame Vastra, Strax, Parker, Martha, Gwen
Rating: R
Warnings: violence, character death, mention of sexual assault, prostitution, language, and severe bending of time travel plausibility even taking all three canons into account
Spoilers: through TW: "Exit Wounds" and through DW: "The Snowmen"
Words: 32,500 (3,000 this part)
Beta: tymewyse and fide_et_spe both had a hand in making this far more comprehensible than it would have been. All remaining aspects of wtfery are mine alone.
Summary: Accidentally shot into the past by a time-travelling car, Ianto has to fix his own mistakes or he won't have a future to go back to.
AN: Written for reel_torchwood Screening 6. Also fills the Trope Bingo space: au:fusion
Disclaimer: BBC, Universal, RTD, Steven Moffat, and Robert Zemeckis own these characters and situations, and want nothing to do with this ridiculous fluff piece of faux-Victoriana.
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
***
Chapter Five
***
"You are completely rubbish at this," Jack said for the fifth time.
"I know!" Ianto buried his face in his hands at the little table. Vastra had sent him home for the evening, and told him to bring his friends round in the morning. She'd seemed excited at the prospect of chatting with more of the Doctor's associates.
"The first rule of time travel is not to let on that you're a time traveller. You've told everyone you've met!"
"Not true. I didn't tell Parker."
"Oh good," Jack said, sarcasm dripping. "At least Parker doesn't know. Who's Parker?"
"Her driver."
"Rubbish."
Ianto banged his head down again. "She wants you and Strax around for breakfast tomorrow."
"This is good."
"She didn't invite Jenny. She didn't want to see Jenny again. She doesn't dislike her. She simply doesn't care because Jenny didn't travel with the Doctor."
"Yeah. Good question why, too. She's his type: young, cute, not so bright." Jack smiled in memory, and Ianto did not point out the obvious.
"I need to set them up, or I have no future to go back to." He'd checked his mobile again, although the battery was beginning to fade. Owen was gone from the photograph. Tosh was starting to disappear. All his photos of Lisa had vanished from the phone's memory, God alone knew why.
"Then let's try another plan. What would make the two of them notice each other, since the not at all alien plague didn't work."
Ianto thought about it. "Jenny likes me because I saved her life. If Vastra saves her life, maybe she'll fall for her instead."
"Risky but plausible. The Lysans are attacking in two days. Send the team out during the attack, arrange for Jenny to be threatened, Vastra rushes in and rescues her, violins play, hearts and flowers. Why do these two have to hook up again?"
Ianto didn't answer. "I'm not fond of the idea of endangering Jenny for the sake of this. What if she's injured or killed?" He had a selfish reason behind his concern, because her death meant he surely wasn't getting home, but he really did like her as well. "There has to be a better way."
"You already said no to getting them both drunk and putting them in bed together."
"And I'm saying no to that again."
"You won't let me seduce them both."
"Also a no."
"And you're not going to seduce them both."
"God, no."
Jack snapped his fingers, as though he'd had a brilliant idea. "You could play Cyrano. Write them each love letters to get them to fall for the stroke of a pen."
"I'm not a poet, and neither are you."
Indeed, Jack had written him precisely one romantic poem for Valentine's Day. The others had long been gone to their various assignations. Ianto hadn't figured a way even to ask Jack if he had plans when he'd found the first line written in dry-erase marker on the minifridge in the butler's pantry: "Roses are red." An arrow pointed to the stairs. The Post-It note stuck to the stairs had read: "Violets are blue." Another arrow led him to Tosh's station and a note. "I don't like poems." The fourth line was on Gwen's desk. "And neither do you." The fifth was on the cogwheel: "Coffee is brown." Ianto had laughed out loud at that, and followed the next clue to the door of Jack's office. "I think you like ducks." Inside the office, there had been an arrow pointing down to the open cover of Jack's bunker. There'd been another note. "Please climb down." There had been no eighth note, merely a Captain Jack stretched out and smirking, with the only stitch of clothing on his body the red satin ribbon he'd thoughtfully wrapped around himself.
"No poetry."
"Have you considered setting them up on a blind date? Inviting them to the same party? I don't really know what you're looking for, here. I don't do relationships."
"I know," Ianto said, perhaps more sharply than he should have. "As I said, we've met. You're quite consistent."
If Jack noticed his annoyance, he didn't acknowledge it. Instead, he scratched his chin in thought. "The party idea isn't bad. We're headed to hers for breakfast with Strax anyway, so let's bring Jenny and introduce them again."
"I can't just invite random guests."
"No lady of manners would say no if you brought your sweetheart."
An image of the little red bow entered his mind again. Ianto had untied his present with his teeth. "Jenny is not my sweetheart."
"She doesn't know that. Invite her as your companion. Work that for a day or so until the Lysan invasion, and when there's an opportunity, play the coward and let Vastra rescue her instead."
"This will never work."
"It'll have to." Jack picked up his hat and dusted the brim. "I'll see you in the morning."
"I thought you were in for the night."
"Not tonight. I have a regular client who has me over on Thursday nights." That would explain the bath he'd taken earlier. He'd offered Ianto the still-warm bathwater when he'd finished, and Ianto had reluctantly accepted both the water and Jack's impenitent stares. He'd even said yes to a quick lesson with Jack's straight-razor, something he'd been terrified to try back home as much as his Jack had wheedled. Jack had purred and licked and promised that he'd made every sharp stroke a much deeper pleasure than they'd managed with the plastic safety razor. Ianto's experiences under Jack's gentle touch using the cheap disposable had been intense enough, with Jack's rough, warm tongue soothing every centimetre of skin he exposed.
But instead of making a pass at him, this Jack was going to work.
"Do you have to?"
Jack let out a noise between an annoyed groan and a sigh. "You may be going home in a few days, but I have to eat next week. Besides, this one isn't bad. He tells his servants I'm instructing him how to box. His wife watches us. Sometimes I have permission to go down on her while he's doing me. Nice couple. They usually ask me to sleep over and go for more in the morning, but I'll join you for breakfast at Madame Vastra's."
And with that, he was gone.
***
Breakfast went both better and worse than he'd expected. Ianto did still have his position, which meant he was still the cook. Jack and Strax kept company with Madame Vastra in the humid hothouse where she spent much of her time during the chilly March days. He'd made hints to Jenny to stay with them, but nothing could stop her from following him back into the kitchen.
"Honestly," Ianto said, "I can do this." Another lie. He'd convinced Parker to light the stove for him last night. He couldn't so much as get a strike until Jenny set aside her hat and gloves, found an apron, and lit the great iron oven like a professional.
"There. I was in service for a while. Easy enough to get back into." After that, she took over, nice as you please, sending him to fetch eggs and flour and salt and tea as she needed them. He hid his revulsion as she put large gobs of lard onto the pan to fry, but the mouth-watering smell brought him round again. Together they sorted out the coffee screw, filling the whole house with a gorgeous aroma.
He took a small cup, just to sample the quality, honestly, and the headache he'd been fighting for days smoothed out. "Thank you for your help."
She raised her eyebrows knowingly, and he laughed. "Well enough," he added. "Thank you for allowing me to help."
Jenny gave a half-curtsey. "I could get used to being around a kitchen again." She could, he thought. Jenny efficiently cooked a nice breakfast for everyone in much less time than it would have taken Ianto even to get the pan hot. "You don't cook much, do you?"
"Jack does most of the cooking. I'm better at fetching orders from the restaurant."
If she noticed his slip, she didn't say, and he supposed it wasn't much of a slip. Jack here was his friend.
She did take off her apron before she slipped back into the room with the others, allowing him to serve the meal as was supposed to be his job. Madame had set out a decanter, and Jack had a glass of a golden-brown beverage in front of him. Ianto deftly moved his glass and replaced it with a coffee cup.
"I was drinking that."
"Were you?" He refused to hand the glass back.
When the food and drink was served, he went to stand aside. Madame Vastra rolled her eyes. "Sit down, Mr. Jones. We are all part of this."
He sat at the small table he'd dragged in, pressed between Jenny and Jack. He'd arranged for Jenny to sit next to Madame Vastra, but rapidly lost hope as the meal and conversation progressed. Vastra was fascinated with Strax, and to a lesser extent, Jack. She also asked Ianto questions about his past, whatever he could answer without damaging the timeline.
"And you've met the Doctor," Madame said to him, over her third cup of over sweet tea. She might look like a Jurassic Park nightmare, but she drank her tea exactly like Ianto's Gran.
"Not in person. We worked together." He didn't look at Jack although he felt Jack's interested stare on the side of his face. "When Darth Vader invaded from the Planet Vulcan. Jenny, you've met the Doctor, haven't you?"
"Oh yes." She launched into her tale, shooting back and forth with Strax over details. At last, she had Vastra's attention. Ianto asked questions every time the story seemed to head to a close, drawing her out. Jack, alas, was just as fascinated by her story. Ianto nudged him under the table. Jack nudged him right back. Ianto stepped on his foot, and was rejoined by a hand in his lap.
This was not the first time he'd sat at a table with Jack whilst interesting things happened below the tablecloth. Unfortunately, he couldn't let himself enjoy this time, and pulled Jack's hand away.
"Are you all right?" Jenny asked him, as he bumped her on accident.
"I'm fine." He smiled. "If you'll excuse me, I'll take the plates." He stood, collecting the dishes quickly.
Jenny stood. "I'll help."
"No, you ought to tell Madame more about that badger alien."
"I'll help," Jack said, and collected the rest of the dishes himself. Together, they took everything to the kitchen. Ianto heated a basin of water. Jack lounged against the wall, watching him.
"I ought to go back and distract Strax," he drawled, "but I have to admit, you're cute bent over a pile of washing-up."
"Your kinks continue to plumb the depths of the banal and the strange." He plunged the dishes into the water with a bar of soap, and set about scrubbing. He ought to soak the pans.
He was surprised, and perhaps oughtn't have been, to feel Jack's warm body pressed up against his back, and his hands resting with the gentlest pressure on each hip. "And how," he breathed in Ianto's ear, "would you know so much about my kinks?"
Ianto dropped a plate into the basin.
"I know you in the future. I told you that."
Warm breath kissed his ear. "How well?"
He could turn. From this position, he could turn around, be pressed just that much over by Jack's imposing presence. No matter what he answered, they'd kiss. Jack liked kissing, liked pattering the softest rain of kisses against Ianto's mouth, and down his neck, liked meeting his closed lips and touching the sensitive skin of his ears until Ianto opened his mouth with a moan. Ianto knew all his moves, all his tells, could surprise and delight this Jack with his knowledge of what Jack enjoyed.
They would kiss, and they would half-wrestle until they were in the alcove of the scullery. Then it didn't matter whether it was Jack on his knees on the cold flagstones, or Ianto bent over with his flies open and a warm hand stroking him off. Hell, more than once back home, they hadn't even undressed, just kissed and rubbed against one another until their trousers were spoiled and messy. They could stand like that here, now, come undone without ever undoing a button and worry about covering themselves later, if Ianto but turned around.
He stayed where he was. "I know you well enough. Down, boy. I can't afford you."
It was exactly the wrong thing to say. Jack tensed instantly, backing away. Ianto did turn then, and saw the hurt before Jack covered it.
"I'm sorry," he said as fast as he could. "I didn't mean that."
"You did. But fine. You're right. We're working a job here. No time for distractions. I'll ask Strax to help me work on the car. You convince Jenny to stay."
"Jack, wait." But Jack was gone, and Ianto was not about to chase him. If he did, he'd tell this Jack everything. He knew he was rubbish at time travel. There was no point in making the situation worse.
***
Rather than chatting with Madame Vastra, Jenny continued haunting Ianto through his chores. She'd clearly done these same tasks before, and had no qualms telling him how to dust and press and fold. "No offence, but you aren't very good at being a butler," she chided, when he stared at the steam iron with no idea how to operate it.
"So I've been told. You really don't need to be helping. You could be telling Madame more about your adventures."
"Nonsense. You'd waste away without me."
"I would. You've cleaned most of the house today." He tried another go in the next room. "What do you think about her?"
"Who?"
"Madame."
"Oh her." Her face screwed up in thought. "Seems nice enough."
He pressed. "Do you like her?"
"Yes? Why? Is she looking to bring on more staff?" Her face changed. "I could work here with you. Be nice, honest work for an honest woman, yeah?"
"She might," he hedged. "Do you think she's beautiful?"
"She's a lizard." Jenny placed her hand over her mouth, and glanced around to make sure Madame wasn't listening. "Well, there's none of us can help how we're made. I'm sure she's very attractive for her species."
"But you don't perhaps find her very striking?"
"Striking?" She blinked, and her face grew disappointed. "Ianto, she's a high lady, whatever she looks like. You're a servant. It's best not to get ideas." She was colder to him now, as she swept out the last fire grating.
"Madame isn't my type." None of this was working. But perhaps as with Madame, the truth would work better with Jenny. "Can I trust you?"
She looked at him. "No. You can't trust anyone, not and be safe." He stared, and she relented. "Go on, then."
"Jack's my type. In the future, in my time, we're together. But this Jack doesn't know that, so please don't tell him."
Her eyes went big, and she stepped back from him. Then she nodded. "Sorry. I'm sorry," she said, colour flushing her cheeks. "I never should have.... It's fine."
"I do like you," he said, taking her hand so that she wouldn't run. "You're a good friend, and an excellent maid. You'd be much better in this position than I am. As you said, I'm awful. I'm from a future where everything is on the electric. I do most of my cooking in an electric box that heats a meal in four minutes."
She smiled shyly. "You're pulling my leg."
"Nope. Horseless carriages, flying ships, images broadcast from across the world in seconds, it's all coming."
"It sounds wonderful."
"It can be. Sometimes terrible, too," he said, thinking about the cold technology of Torchwood London and the chill of Lisa's metal limbs. "It's certainly interesting." In the ancient curse fashion, he mentally added. He'd been interested in the patterns of the burning machinery, and the pictures made by bloodstained concrete.
"Could I come with you when you go back?"
"What?" He snapped out of his reverie, lost in the sound of the machines that had kept his lover alive too long. "No, I don't think that's a good idea."
"But it'd be grand. Strax has told me all about his future. I want to see the same things." Her eyes sparkled with delight at the prospect of new adventures, whatever disappointment Ianto had given her overshadowed with anticipation. Had she only ever been interested in him as another adventure?
"Speaking of, I should really see how he and Jack are getting on with my time machine."
"You'd best make sure they haven't taken it."
"What do you mean?"
"Your friend is a time-traveller, yeah? So's Strax. Either of them would kill for a working time carriage."
***
Given Jenny's youth and Madame's generous if cold heart, she instructed Parker to drive her home and drop Ianto off at his.
"I'll expect you in the morning," she told him. "Although I'm wondering if hiring your charming companion wouldn't be better worth the price."
"She might be, ma'am. Good evening to you."
Jenny was deposited safely at her doorstep. Now freed of worrying that she might drive Ianto off, she gave him a sweet peck on the cheek before she disembarked.
"Charming girl," Parker said, when Ianto climbed to the top with him.
"She is. I'm hoping Madame brings her on as a maid." Having planted that seed, he asked Parker to drop him off near the shed.
Jenny's half-joke worried at him as he let himself inside the darkened workshop. Perhaps they'd finished. This was too dark, too quiet, too empty.
Ianto stared at the place where the time car had been stored. Had Jack and Strax together made it work without the Lysans' beam? His heart sunk. Given the chance to dash ahead in time, even his Jack had run off at the first sounds of the TARDIS engines. Did Strax honestly have a better reason to stay here, in the land of syphilis and measles?
They'd gone. Of course they'd gone. Knowing Jack's wide tastes, he may have even given Strax a freebie as a thank you.
"Fuck."
***
Chapter Six