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as of late:
sleep work eat sleep. -
i'm starting
the lemonade diet again today. except i don't have cayenne capsules, so i have to put the powder in the lemonade and it burns my lips and throat. i also got it in my eye, which is really nice... ha. i'm doing this diet, and basically starving myself because in the last year i've gained fourty pounds. i don't know how this is so, but it is.. -
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everything around me is shit and piss and trash and filth, -
existentialism?
during race/bike week after a long stressful ten hour day at school, i'm driving to Thaer's house among ridiculous traffic on international spdway. blvd. (of all places,) waiting to get onto ninety five. i hit every red light. there are cars all around me. it's taking for ever.. "fuck it" i say. instead of waiting at three more lights, i decided to ( Read more... ) -
this isn't fair.
there's no facebook in "heaven"
and there's no myspace or cell phones.
or house phones or payphones or car phones.
and even if there are you can't get calling cards
and call people on earth.
not anywhere on earth, so we won't be able to talk.
you can't fly down and visit when you're in heaven.
you can't take a train or a bus or a ship.
you can't drive or ( Read more... ) -
i hate the feeling
of pain in your jaw that you get when you try so hard to hold yourself back from crying in front of people. and once i get alone i just scream my fucking head off finally letting myself cry for someone i love so much. wishing i was a better person to have felt something more than this before now. and i wish i was a decent enough person to follow ( Read more... ) -
weather..
it's not the only thing that's changing, but the other thing that seems to be changing isn't me and that's just the scariest part. -
and
i shout that you're all fake. FAKE! and you should've seen the look on your face. but i guess that's what it takes, when comparing your belly aches. and it's been a long tiiime, which agrees with this watch of mine. and i know that i miss you, and i'm sorry if i dissed you. -
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nothing will ever be the same. i can't see myself without you. i've never known such perfection. -
an hour's passed and i'm still up thinking
you said you love me for the wonderful person i am