A phone conversation between my mother and me:

Me:  MOM YOU KILLED MY FISH!
Mom:  What?
Me:  YOU KILED MY FISH!
Mom:  I killed them?
Me:  They're floating in their bowl!
Mom:  Oh no, I fed them and changed their water this morning, I guess they can't be in city water.  That's how the other fish died last time.
Me:  MOM!  I told you they need ( Read more... )

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On Wonder Showzen last night, the narrator asked a bunch of little kids the question "what is heaven?"  These little kids answered:

(it only is funny if you imagine 4 year olds with speech impediments saying this)

Little kid #1:  It's where Whiskers went when we flushed him down the toilet.  Whiskers is my brother...
Little kid #2:  A day when I ( Read more... )

So.
Rhode Island was
EXACTLY
what was needed for me to keep my sanity.
Or maybe it helped me be a little more insane.
Either way, I loved it.

Here are some memories:

• ''PLANE!"
• "Jerry from Survivor... say it... with FEELING!"
• "BITCHASS!!"
• "Are you near-sighted or far-sighted?"  "I think a little bit of both"
• "That's how you have fun in ( Read more... )

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You'll
beYesterday was fun,
free,First my momma woke me up and told me to go pick up our new couch.  It's a wrap-around one.  Pretty sweet.  I claim the corner,
child,On my way back from Canton, where the couch was, I went into Ann Arbor,
onceAnn Arbor was great,
youI parallel parked a minivan!,
haveI went into Urban Outfitters, my store full of ( Read more... )

So you KNOW your life is messed up when you:

• 're telling your parents how long you're willing to be grounded for and that you won't comply with their restrictions and then you're parents say "okay" and stop fighting with you about it
  
• r ex-boyfriend is taking you to a concert for a band he doesn't really like AND he's paying for the tickets
• ( Read more... )

What scares you more than anything in the whole wide world?

What scares me are thunderstorms.  Like last night at DQ when there was a thunderstorm and I had to take the trash out and the electricity went out.  That fucking scares me.

What scares you?

I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand.