I was just startled awake by the phone ringing. My mother-in-law asks, "Did I call while you guys were eating?", to which I blurted out, "No, neither!" Meaning, no, I am not eating, and no Chris isn't here, but I ended up sounding like I was caught masterbating instead. I said, "Well, that is to say, I mean, I am watching the Simpson's". And
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