well hello. forgot about this.

"four, five, still alive!"

feeling sad. very alone. same old shit.

i keep thinking, how will i end my life when i have to. when there's nothing left. there is so little. i feel like trash.

cut cut cut me open
mmmmmm balcony balcony down
i want gun gun gun death
no goodbyes no regrets all regrets
i have to tell the truth
i will
minimize my self my shadow my space
erode to nothing
i can i will go thru the motions
but i want The One Motion

i feel so bad. dunno.. what to say.. binging and purging a lot. wish i were dead. it must be soon, right? who knows. i don't have future-thought. i am incapable of extracting joy from even near perfect moments with near perfect friends. i don't want to see the world. i don't care about humanity's slow dumb arc thru time and space. i feel and look ( Read more... )

i wish i were dead ( Read more... )

feeling numb. is that better than feeling sad. i have been purging again. i don't know why. usually it's more of a pragmatic thing than an emotional thing, or maybe i'm too dumb to know the difference. i do it when i'm drunk and i feel painfully full. i am binging per se ( Read more... )

man, i'm not feeling well
i don't know what to do
i'm only writing here because no other action comes to mind
but that's all i have to say...
nothing

circling ( Read more... )

So sad. Or numb. Whatever.
Gotta make a will.
Looked up ways to die again. Hard. Car would be good but don't have one and don't know where to drive. Letters would be short. I wish I could. I don't want to live.
I can be hypersane while prepping for this. Just have to think it thru and plan. So?

i haven't been feeling good. i can't explain it well ( Read more... )