A guy I know wants to be "friends with benefits". To be honest, sex scares the holy living hell out of me right now. It's only going to happen with people I know well and trust deeply. Is that so hard to understand?
Friends don't _need_ to understand this; they merely need to accept it.
If you don't want sex with him them tell him "no". If you feel a need then give him a reason. If he can't accept the "no" then he's not a friend.
(A good friend will try to understand and empathize as well, but it's not needed; I have friends who do things I don't understand for their own reasons, and I accept this part of them because it doesn't interfere with the friendship).
lol. Yeah. This is one of those cases where he says constantly that he understands and there is no pressure...All why he's sulking about being lonely, wanting to play, and feeling unwanted.
That was kind of my thought. I'd like to find a productive way to put it, in the very slim hope that he might be more aware of his behavior in the future. Hey, it could happen....
In the circles I travel in, only having sex with people you know well and trust deeply is pretty status quo. And I totally agree with sweh - as a matter of fact, I don't *understand* your lifestyle, but that doesn't really matter, because I love you, and respect that you'll make the choices that are right for you. I don't need to *get* it, just accept it. Also, just because you're not into monogamy, doesn't mean that you want to jump in the sack with every single one of your friends. Though it seems likely that this particular guy isn't much of a true friend.
I think in this case you need friends more than benefits. If he doesn't back off from the passive aggressive stance, you may need to back off from him.
*nod* I agree. When I see him online today, I'm going to talk with him about it. He's young (24), and is just getting into the kink scene. He's asked me to be a mentor, which I'm alright with, but he's made it clear that he wants a much more hands on teacher than myself. I feel very guilty for confusing him and/or for hurting his feelings, at least once I let him know that I can't continue our chats due to the sexual pressure. I just don't know how I could have been more clear. In a wider sense, I should probably get to the root of whatever is frightening me so much. Thank you for the hugs :) Many hugs back at ya. How are you managing?
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If you don't want sex with him them tell him "no". If you feel a need then give him a reason. If he can't accept the "no" then he's not a friend.
(A good friend will try to understand and empathize as well, but it's not needed; I have friends who do things I don't understand for their own reasons, and I accept this part of them because it doesn't interfere with the friendship).
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Yeah. This is one of those cases where he says constantly that he understands and there is no pressure...All why he's sulking about being lonely, wanting to play, and feeling unwanted.
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Also, just because you're not into monogamy, doesn't mean that you want to jump in the sack with every single one of your friends. Though it seems likely that this particular guy isn't much of a true friend.
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I hope it works out well.
*lots of hugs*
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