Too much drama for grad school

[ndwarf64]

I tend to not date people or fall for people. So the fact that both of these things may be happening at the same time with different people is definitely too much drama for me. I'm in grad school, my thoughts should be elsewhere

Comments

[dynamint]

If you honestly know it's because you're projecting your past interest onto this creepily-similar guy (and I think you can say you do honestly know), then I think you should do your best to get over it as fast as possible. He's not the same person and you know it, at least intellectually. If you can't get over it, then it's not fair to your boyfriend to keep dating him while you're pining for someone else, even someone in your past. Using your boyfriend to help you get over someone is a big mistake, and it won't lead to anything good. Trust me.

PS: It's driving me crazy knowing if I'm one of the two who knows or the one who doesn't :(

[ndwarf64]

Unfortunately, you are the one that doesn't know him. Although, I have to say that if I needed to list two people, you would be the only one that knows the other one.

Here's the tricky part. I know I was drawn to him at first because of this projection, but now that I've been talking to him and things, it is fuzzy on whether or not this is still the case.

[dynamint]

That may not actually be unfortuantely, considering that if it *were* someone I knew, that would basically mean PVM..

With that many overlapping features/factors, can you ever be 100% sure that it's him you like, and not the other him?

Personally, Ken and my current boyfriend have enough features in common (whiskey, tastes in music, favorite movies) that sometimes I wonder if there's something there, and they look nothing alike, speak different languages, and have different names. With all the similarities you've stated, you have to be very, very wary. By the way, can I ask what happened with the original him? Was it unrequited, did it end badly? Do you have leftover feelings looking for someone to project on? Or are you entirely, completely, beyond doubt over him?

[ndwarf64]

In a sense I guess it was unrequited. I've had this conversation with people who have only been in straight relationships, and I think it is hard to fathom the challenges of figuring out whether someone you like is gay or not. In theory this person was straight. To me it was questionable (and this isn't just because I wanted him to be gay, he had work/family/religious issues that may force him to be closeted his whole life). Hmm...I wonder if I just gave away who it is to anyone...

I thought I was over him. I hadn't thought about him more than probably once or twice since I've been in grad school. But wow what a shock it was to run into this person. On the one hand, I can't wait to see him again, on the other, I don't know if I should, and I actually just received the perfect excuse not to this week and it wouldn't seem weird.