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Are zebras black with white stripes, or white with black stripes?
Everyones favorite funeral director is confusing. And fun.
We trashed Debbie's voicemail.

So today I learned how to shave a guys balls.

I had a dream that I went to prostitute school. And I totally bitchslapped, then plotted and executed my teacher's demise 'cause she was a serious bitch. Like evil stepsister bitch ( Read more... )

Pyrobovineaphobe (12:55:03 AM): WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON MY BUDDY LIST ( Read more... )

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Somewhere in my room, there is a dead mouse.
Except I have no fucking clue exactly -where- it is.

The reason Mello's hair is so sexy isn't because he got hit by the sexy bomb, it's because after the sexy bomb he found Matt and Matt had a giant assed hairdryer that could kill people with its sexiness.
So they both frolicked off together, drying each others hair and blowing peoples brains out.

Guess what I found underneath my bed this morning!
A dead chipmunk.
YAY.
Now my mom won't have to worry about it running around the house anymore =D

I would be just about the worst bullimic person ever invented.
So I go to the kitchen to try milk and orange juice, and I put some orange juice in a glass. Then I take out the milk, sniff it and say to myself "Ew... it's sour. I'm so glad I didn't use it." then pour the rest of the milk down the sink.