Ugh... Got called in for a fucking piss test this morning at 5:30- luckily I crashed last night at about 11:45 or so, from restricting my sleep hours over the weekend and/or starting my new sleeping pills on Saturday night (so as to actually fall asleep within the space of less than 2 hours, for once ( Read more... )

Just once in my life... I think It'd be nice...
Just to lose control, just once...

I hate to talk like this ( Read more... )

Y'know, I fucking give up ( Read more... )

I want to sleep forever, drift through the ether so I can not only look down upon you, the ones I love, but be a part of you ( Read more... )

Getting ready to drive for about 12 or 13 hours straight to take Tessa back to Tucson... And she's taking forever to get ready. I understand it's her last day here, but she's not the one who's gonna have to be driving until midnight.

U.g.h.
No more of this crap after tomorrow.

Can't remember how much info I've relayed here over the past month or so, or even who reads this that already know what's going on.. so I guess I'll take it from the top ( Read more... )

I'm still trying, and failing so far.
I'm trying to hide it even from myself, but I keep coming back to it.
I hate this life. All life.
Every other moment is spent envisioning the end, one way or another.
And I don't know why I feel this anger and hatred, deep into the very center of myself.

So... how do I know if the coming storm I feel is real, or just another breakdown..?

And.. is there even a difference?
I wish I could feel emotion, but I have nothing.
Not fear. Happiness, Sadness. Fleeting anger and confusion, maybe.. but not even those are constants.

I'm breaking, and I can't wait to see what I am next.
Neither can he.

I mean to find the light in this, I really do.
I hope it's lookin' for me as well, because I can't seem to pick it out..
God, help me out here.. Is this really what is right?