all my dreams are so odd and unsettling in the smallest ways...like last night/this morning's, for instance. something about shuffling onto a train in the winter and the tracks are covered in ice and snow, and the trains pick up school children instead of busses...then almost hitting another train, and eventually depositing me off at some flea ( Read more... )

this is the end. or at least, the end was supposed to happen but it got caught up and never happened...now everything is pointless. i should say fuck school. this is all rediculous. what's the point in getting known? better to seek enlightenment than to pursue some predetermined goal set that mommy told you to go for. i'm so sick of everything. i' ( Read more... )

this is sick. why am i attatched to the computer? i could be doing anything but this right now...i think my mind has been sucked in. why am i not reading? or outside? i feel as if i have no friends. if i have no one to do anything with, then why leave the house? i just want to stretch and go to sleep again. after that i can work.

hmmm i cannot remember what dreams i had before the current one i was in, but there was a play going on and there were boxes of bottles of soda lying around and nick and jodi were there and so were carla and sean, and i was cut off from everyone else, and for some reason i hit carla in the head with something, some kind of small cardboard box, and ( Read more... )

what was it that jodi said?...i can't be around her and him at the same time because i am not the one who is chased after...i can't handle it. to enjoy someone's company that much that you want to be with them in a more than friendly way...the freedom of being able to touch this person's stomach or caress the side of their face without any thought ( Read more... )

going to work the jolly old belgian congo ( Read more... )

would it be ok to smoke cigarettes if they were natural american spirits that i had to hand roll myself? or cloves? do i want to smoke? i can't care about cancer until i actually get it but i don't want to get it, but there is a high chance that i will if i continue down this road. if i start again then carla will be furious with me and that will ( Read more... )

i had this dream last night that there was toxic smoke filling up my room and i checked my completely full plugs and power strip which i thought would be the cause of it all but apparently not. i went away for awhile but then it increased in output and i found that it was coming out of the hole where the television cable comes through and then it ( Read more... )

It appears as though I am caught up in some backward scheme from which I cannot escape. I wish I did not feel the way I do about that one girl. I know I cannot convince someone to have feelings for me that are not there. I have to deal with that. I should not talk about this anymore, nor speak aloud of this to anyone, including that girl. All I ( Read more... )

i'm an idiot because of the way i have to feel about someone who i should not be around. the bad part is that i want to be close to her more every day and subsequently i feel worse every day because of things she may not have realised she did...or perhaps she had...maybe the problem is desire...but letting go seems so hard. what should i do? i don' ( Read more... )