i can't handle the thought of saying goodbye. it's haunting me.

having a replacement here is tiring. and reminds me of the impending end. and that makes me feel . . . many things . . .

sometimes, when it really sinks in that i will be leaving, and that i will be leaving soon, i feel panicked.

like right now.

i go home in two weeks ( Read more... )

I need out of this.

But I’m stuck. I can’t find my way out.

I need out of this.

having family here is brilliant. i love it. but i'm feeling drained.

he's wonderful and difficult.

i've started truly fearing that i'm wrong. but if i am, how did i get so wrong? and what is wrong with me?

this is harder than i'd like it to be. and harder than i'd like to admit.

it is difficult to feel such certainty next to someone who does not.

if this isn't my instincts speaking to me, i don't know that they ever will.

i hope it's easier tomorrow . . .

i do not know what is going on with him. with us. things between us in many ways are excellent. totally and completely excellent. but there is this entire other level that is just going unspoken about. i think we're both scared. my interepretation, but that's what i think ( Read more... )

sometimes . . . even in fact maybe often . . . things can be so good here . . . and you can't help but think and wish that it could always be this way. that it could always be this simple. maybe that's how some people stay so long.

right now, it's just so good. even in this imperfection, it's still so good.

he's here.

i have no idea what lies ahead or if opportunities will be seized. but right now, it doesn't matter.

i'm just so happy he's here. i remember why i enjoy being with this man.