mom & lee are here and i am so happy.

i feel a hundred times better this week than i have since i left the destiny.

my teens are great again. everything is always easier when my teens are great. i like when work is enjoyable. it should be.

eating good food is so good.

happy happy happy.

only one thing could make things better . . .

mom & lee sign on in only hours. it will be so good to see them and have them here. it may be just what i need right now ( Read more... )

how can i in one moment feel like i'm okay and everything's okay and working out and only good lies ahead . . . and then a moment later, after such a small stupid and insignificant thing, i come crashing down ( Read more... )

today i sign onto the liberty ( Read more... )

i can't get rid of this crushing feeling. i'll think that it's left me, but it keeps finding it's way back.

i know only time is going to move me past this.

and as much as i don't want to feel this way, there's still things i don't want to let go of.

sitting here in the terminal, watching his plane and waiting for it to pull away from the gate, i remember "Love Actually", all the loving reunions in the airport terminal. sam setting out to get the shit kicked out of him by love. how i dove head first into this, knowing how it would end. how even now, i'd do it again to be able to have all of ( Read more... )

this day feels monumentuous ( Read more... )

down to not even a full two days left. which is really hard whenever i let myself think about it.

so instead i'm thinking of the bottle of wine we'll be sharing soon, the party tonight, the tour tonight, the inevitable laughter.

i'm going to miss all this so much it hurts.

i feel fragile. physically. but also emotionally.

still having fun. still packing in the days. still looking at all the positives.

but when i slow down, i feel delicate.

this is going to be hard. i wish it weren't. but i guess if it weren't, the good wouldn't have been as good as it was. and still is.

there's still some time left.

yup.

this is it.

i'm okay. but under that, i think i'm a bit of a wreck.

at least i'll have all next week by myself in fort lauderdale to get sorted out again.