( Like opening a photo album )

I've changed ( Read more... )

fuck.
so it's summer. i want to be happy.
it's totally not going to happen.
i realized, today, sitting outside, alone and rejected, that it's been a good two or more weeks since I've really enjoyed myself.
i feel so unwanted.
fuck.

So, as I was randomly thinking about life... yes, I do sometimes randomly think about very deep things ( Read more... )

Skipping school... for the first time this semester. maybe even this year. I can't remember ( Read more... )

Yikes!
Major mood drop... in less than an hour... for no reason.
Dammit. Rewind.
Back to yearbook and swirley chairs and really bad pictures of us.
Laughing, talking loudly.
Fast forward.
What happened?
The gross weather? stupid people?
Probably my damn self hate again.
It always ruins my day.

I've said this so many times that it's become meaningless... but i really hate life. Yes, I am able to see the beauty in it, the goodness... but why won't it ever extend to me?! Why can I see it and not feel it? Why won't the "happy" feeling ever stay? Really, what am I living for ( Read more... )

And balmy days with windows down
And swirly chairs and complaints about les garcons
And cute broken girls
And bubbly laughter hiding a deep soul
And mullets on top of a huge heart
And hugs from tiny bodies
And a triangle that works together
And holding hands while driving
And 25 cent engagement rings

And I am at peace.

Hm... it seems like things are going downhill. Maybe I'm being over dramatic... but things are different. Almost as if you don't care. It's all going to be over in a few months, so why bother, right? It doesn't help that your whole family seemingly wants us apart. Ok, I understand, we can't watch the movie at my house because at my house, as ( Read more... )

I say this all the time... because it is my biggest demon. I hate that I can't have a whole weekend of happiness. Nothing bad happened at all. Everything was fantastic. The problem is me and my tendency to think about the negative. I am forbidding my self to do that, but how long can it last when there is hatred right around the corner. In a ( Read more... )