tonight was an angry workout.
not a joyful workout.

this disorder is cyclical.
these feelings are so familiar.
yet exponentially more frustrating,
every single time.

 here we go again.....

down the rabbit hole.

 bought new shoes and gym clothes today...

i feel sporty.

luckily,
me eating coincides with me going home for the weekend.
thank god.

 what is more important...

my disorder, or school?

fuck.

 I'm falling back in.

 I have heartburn.

and it's worse when i lay down.

i have to be up at 9 tomorrow.

it's 4 am.

that's in 5 hours.

if i'm not asleep in an hour, i'm giving up.

FUCK THIS.

Bulimia has given me horrible, recurring, acid reflux.

a great idea may be to go to the doctor.

but now, that would just be way too simple.

 for awhile i started thinking... maybe i made it all up. maybe i wasn't really as sick as i remembered. Maybe my friends were exaggerating. maybe my memory of those years was wrong. then i stumbled across this ( Read more... )

 i feel anti-social, as i sit here on my laptop.... three friends next to me watching a movie ( Read more... )

 Okay ( Read more... )