Alright, I know the many other news stories about this also made pithy puns:
“If he had $1,000,000, he’d buy some blow.”
“If he could only turn the Page”
“War on Drugs? Not This Celebrity”
“The Wrong Man Might Not Have been Convicted”
“Pinch Me - Is this True?”
Anyway, if you haven’t seen
this story plastered on the news outlets (and not-so-news-
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