Diplomacy (21/27)
Title: Diplomacy ( Table of Contents)
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Nothing you recognize is mine. I gain nothing of material value from this.
Pairings: Gen.
Chapter1a-- 1b Chapter2 Chapter3 Chapter4 Chapter5a-- 5b Chapter6 Chapter7 Chapter8 Chapter9 Chapter10 Chapter11a-- 11b Chapter12 Chapter13a-- 13b Chapter14a-- 14b Chapter15a-- 15b Chapter16 Chapter17a-- 17b Chapter18 Chapter19 Chapter20 Chapter21 Chapter22 Chapter23 Chapter24 Chapter25 Chapter26 Epilogue
XXXXX
Gods, Part II
XXXXX
17 February 1999; SGC, Earth; 1355 hrs
Teal'c was late.
Well, he wasn't, really, since Daniel was actually early, but it felt like he was late, because Teal'c was always precisely on time, and Daniel was very rarely early. Today, however, he'd been glad of an excuse to get out of the office as fast as he could. Robert was being quiet.
Then again, Robert Rothman was usually one of the less aggressive people in a passionate department. Daniel found this odd at times, since the man was the one who was supposed to give them all their orders. He sometimes suspected that Robert was a little intimidated by some of the other researchers, especially those who answered to Robert for the practical reason that he'd been at the SGC longer, even though many of them were older and more experienced academically, and perhaps as well qualified.
Today, though, it was worse--Robert had spent the morning staring at a piece of translation that Daniel was fairly sure shouldn't have taken more than a couple of hours, at least for a first draft, and he'd paid no mind at all to anyone except Daniel himself, with a mumbled greeting when their workday started.
And then they'd spent the rest of the morning not really talking, which was uncomfortable, because that was what they did--one person read something interesting and asked about it or made some comment, and the other one could keep that fact in mind for reference or might mention how it was connected to something else, and wasn't that just like that thing SG-whatever had brought back from P3X-something the other week? Or when they were bored, they talked, sometimes, in as many languages as they could, just for practice. Not today.
So Daniel had tried and failed not to be disconcerted by the uncharacteristic silence in the office and left earlier than he really needed to in order to arrive at the gym in time to finish warming up before he met with Teal'c for his hand-to-hand combat training.
It was because of Apophis, of course. It had taken Daniel a while to realize it, but yesterday was the first time Robert had ever seen a Goa'uld face-to-face. He was supposed to be joining SG-11 eventually, if he ever took the time to take his qualifying tests, and surely they would see more Goa'uld than they wanted to before long, but as it stood, the first time Robert met someone whose name he'd studied for all of his career, it had been to see a weakened and dying tyrant who had trampled over everything he had learned as an Egyptologist.
It wasn't as bad for Daniel; he had known about the false gods before Robert had, and he'd seen Apophis and other Goa'uld before, anyway. It wasn't a problem.
Jack seemed to think it was, but Daniel had managed to avoid him so far today.
It wasn't avoiding him, exactly. Well, yes, it was. But really, Jack should be asking after someone like Sam, whom Daniel had found still on base and awake and working distractedly at 0300, so frustrated about something that he'd poked his head in only to duck when a pen flew out the door and nearly hit him in the head. She'd been horrified, then, which hadn't been his intention at all, but something was bothering her, for certain. If anyone would be disturbed by the death of a Goa'uld and his host, it was Sam.
Or Teal'c--Teal'c must be affected more than any of them, since he'd known for years that Apophis was a false god but had had to serve him anyway. Daniel had seen his expression when he'd finally seen Apophis dead, and there had to be a reason Teal'c had been in such deep kelno'reem all last night that he hadn't even heard Daniel's knock on his door around midnight. Hadn't heard or hadn't answered--either way, it meant something.
And Apophis might not even be dead. No one had actually said that to Daniel, but there were rumors flying around the base about the attack that had nearly destroyed their iris, and the Tok'ra, and Apophis, and Sokar. The word 'sarcophagus' had been uttered more than once, and it wasn't difficult to guess what that meant.
Daniel covered a yawn, rubbing his eyes, and folded his arms impatiently. Restless without really knowing why, he paced along the edge of the mat.
"Hey, Daniel," Ferretti's voice said, and Daniel started so hard that he almost crashed into the man. "Whoa, steady there. Just saying 'hi.'"
"Hi," Daniel replied, but it sounded so sharp that he cleared his throat and tried again, "How are you, Major Ferretti?"
Ferretti paused, frowning, then said, "Good. You okay?"
Daniel caught sight of Teal'c moving toward him and sighed in relief before he could stop himself or wonder why. "Sorry, Major," he said, edging away, "I'm meeting Teal'c."
"Yeah...no problem," Ferretti said dubiously.
Teal'c looked the same as he always did, not scowling or frazzled or anything, but Daniel couldn't read his expression, which bothered him for some reason he couldn't explain.
"Tek'ma'tek, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c said, sounding for all the world as if he hadn't seen his god die the day before. "Kel shek?"
"Kel shak, Tek'ma'tae," Daniel answered, backing onto the mat.
"Lo'sek. Kree ka..."
And then Daniel found out that he had apparently forgotten how his arms and legs worked, because none of the drills was going the way it was supposed to. The third time Teal'c caught his elbow and pulled him to a halt in the same way in the same sequence, he waited for his training master to explode at him. Instead, Teal'c held his arm an extra second, then let go.
"Your muscles are too rigid," the Jaffa told him neutrally. "You lose much of your speed and all of your grace."
Gritting his teeth, Daniel stepped back, trying to figure out why was Teal'c so unmoved. Why he didn't seem to care. "Again?" he asked.
"Indeed," Teal'c answered, not even bothering to pretend he was going to try to defend himself against an actual threat, and Daniel couldn't tell if Teal'c's eyes were mocking or if it was Daniel's own imagination.
Annoyed now, Daniel started forward again, ducking aside when Teal'c made to grab hold of him again, only to find himself all but running into Teal'c's other hand to end sprawling on the floor.
"Yi shay!" he swore, his hand stinging where it had hit the mat and his pride stinging for making a mistake that he hadn't made in over a year. He pushed himself up and moved back a few steps, trying to make himself concentrate and relax and do all the stupid things he was supposed to do.
"You normally do not experience such difficulty, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c said, watching him but still not deigning to reprimand him for all the idiotic mistakes he was making or for anything else, and by all the gods true and false, why wasn't he?
"I know," Daniel snapped, and then, "Why aren't you angry?"
Teal'c tilted his head, light glinting off his Serpent brand. "You have made simple errors. That is no cause for anger."
Frustrated, Daniel paced to the other end of the mat and back, stepped back into position. "Fine. Again."
"Ar'ee kree!" Teal'c ordered. Daniel pulled up short. "Calm yourself. Then we will begin again."
Daniel glared resentfully but dropped into a crouch and rested there for a moment, telling himself that if he willed himself to be calm, he could be as calm as he wanted, dammit.
Several deep breaths later, he stood. "Sorry."
Teal'c raised an eyebrow that said he doubted that very much, but he didn't comment. "Very well. Begin."
This time when he landed on the mat, he looked up and saw Teal'c bending over him, just like he'd looked down yesterday at Apophis on his bed, just like Daniel had looked down at Apophis, and something snapped. With a snarl, he rolled over without waiting for instruction and launched himself back up and into Teal'c's chest.
He finally landed one solid blow, but Teal'c's body was unyielding under his hand. Distantly, he remembered the reprimand that he should never, ever try to overpower a Jaffa as strong as Teal'c was, that he shouldn't fight someone while tight with anger, because it would only make him slower and clumsier than ever, but he couldn't bring himself to care at the moment.
Teal'c took a single step backward for balance and caught his arm and pinned it firmly in place. "Stop," he said, his voice low and stern.
'Yell at me!' Daniel wanted to scream. 'Don't just stand there like you don't care!'
He twisted to the side to free himself partially and swung his other fist toward the Jaffa. And then it was intercepted and held tight as well, and he heard another growl emerge from his throat. "It's not... It's not fair!"
"Daniel Jackson, you must stop."
"Why aren't you angry?" Daniel demanded again, struggling futilely against Teal'c's rock-like fists and horrified to feel the burn of tears beginning to prickle at the back of his eyes. "Yi shay, Teal'c! Why aren't you...furious? How can you...how can you just stand there and not be--"
"I am extremely angry!" Teal'c thundered back at him, his face only inches away. His fingers tightened briefly on Daniel's arms, just enough so that Daniel felt the pressure on his wrists build and hint at pain. Then Teal'c's voice dropped to a quiet, deep growl, and he let go with jerk that made Daniel stumble to find his balance. "But I am not angry at you, chal'ti. It is not you I wish to hurt."
Daniel swallowed and let his head drop in shame and a suddenly overwhelming wave of grief. He raised his fists again, but this time, he let them fall against Teal'c's chest and leaned against him, still breathing fast. "It didn't even matter," he whispered, his legs suddenly shaky, like they might drop out from under him at any moment.
"Of what do you speak?"
"We told him his soul was in the keeping of the gods, and then we sent his body back to Sokar, and he's being revived and...and everything again, isn't he?"
"That is likely," Teal'c agreed.
"Then it didn't matter," Daniel repeated, pushing away and turning to pace to the edge of the mat and back. "We tried--did our best to make him a little less scared, and it was a lie, anyway. It was all a lie."
For a while there was no answer. Then Teal'c's hands gripped his shoulders again, steadying him and forcing him to look up.
"Daniel Jackson, I do not believe we should continue to practice battle today."
A breathy laugh forced its way out of his throat, and he clamped down on it before it could turn into anything else. "Kel sha."
"Re, chal'ti. Nok."
Teal'c turned and headed toward the exit. For a second, Daniel considered disobeying and not following him, just because he could, except that that would be impractical as well as petty, since he did have to leave the gym eventually, anyway, and by standing here he would be the one who ended up looking silly.
"Wait, wait," he said, balking at Teal'c's most common solution to things like this. "I don't...I tried meditating all last night, and I couldn't, so I don't think--"
"We will not attempt to reach kelno'reem," Teal'c said, then said nothing more until they reached the locker room.
Jack was there. He seemed to be making a long chain out of rubber bands, which Daniel took to mean he'd either run out of paperclips or accidentally locked himself out of his office. When he looked up with an almost guilty expression, though, Daniel wondered if he had been deliberately waiting for them to finish. He knew Daniel's training schedule, after all, and certainly didn't look like he was doing anything that would cause him to be in the locker room otherwise.
"What's going on?" Jack asked. Daniel tried automatically to move toward his locker and a shower, but Teal'c clamped a hand on his shoulder.
"O'Neill," he said, "I wish to ask for your permission to take Daniel Jackson outside the SGC."
Daniel felt his shoulders stiffen. He didn't want to leave the base, with a friend or not. Being on base meant time to read the countless books in the base library that he hadn't had a chance to really look at yet, or freedom to run through the halls at night when fewer people remained on duty, or the ability to stop into the labs to look at the things going on there.
It wasn't just that, though. Even somewhere familiar and comfortable like Jack's house, there was an undercurrent of worry that being away from the SGC meant a chance that he would be cut off from the portal that linked Earth to the only other place that meant home to him. Irrational worry, perhaps, and it didn't usually bother him. A short drive in a car wasn't very much, after all. He couldn't figure out why that bothered him now.
"You want to leave the SGC and go where?" Jack said warily.
"When I asked you to show me your world, you led me to the top of the mountain in which we reside," Teal'c said. "I wish to go there now."
Daniel opened his mouth to ask if anyone was planning to ask him if he wanted to climb a mountain, because he was standing right here, but then closed it when he decided it might be better than sitting in the office, anyway, trying to pretend Robert wasn't sneaking little glances at him between cursing some phrase that no one could translate properly.
Better than being forced to talk to Jack, because Jack understood, but he didn't understand, sometimes. Not about this, anyway, not the way Teal'c would. Jack cared, but that was because it mattered to them, and they mattered to him. Apophis meant something to Jack the way he meant something to everyone at the SGC; it was different for Teal'c, and for Daniel.
"Okay," Jack agreed easily. "I'll go with you."
"You will not, O'Neill," Teal'c said firmly. "Daniel Jackson and I have matters to discuss."
Jack looked from one to the other, hesitated, then nodded and said again, "Okay. I'll call the guards up top so they know to let you leave. Just, you know...put on a hat."
Teal'c inclined his head and finally released Daniel so he could reach into his locker for the hat.
"Don't stay out too late," Jack added, heading out the door. A few seconds later, his head reappeared. "And bring a jacket, at least, and warmer clothes. It's chilly out there."
Ferretti chose that moment to walk in. "Listen to Mom, boys," he said, his words teasing and directed more toward Jack than toward them, because Ferretti liked to tease and it was funny, most of the time, but now Daniel felt his fists clench from the effort of not snapping back that he couldn't listen to his mom anymore, or hadn't Ferretti noticed?
It had been a long time since he'd thought something like that. He'd come to terms with it, and he hated Apophis for making him lose that, too.
Teal'c pushed Daniel's jacket into his hands. Daniel bit down on words he didn't mean that he would regret later and didn't say anything at all in answer. Ferretti's grin faltered. Daniel kept his head down and followed Teal'c out the door and up to the surface.
XXXXX
17 February 1999; Cheyenne Mountain, Earth; 1445 hrs
The ground was still hard from weeks and weeks of weather cold enough to freeze the earth for inches below the surface.
When they'd gone to Abydos a few months ago, Sam had remarked on how different it was to walk on sand. Daniel liked it, himself, the way his feet sank a little into the sides of the sand dunes as if the land itself were returning an embrace. She'd explained something about kinetic and potential energy, and efficiency and rebounding. And yes, of course it was easier to run fast when the ground didn't move, everyone knew that, but even on Abydos, Daniel had always liked the shifting sand, slithering between his toes and moving when his feet moved, the way that the soil of the more fertile planting grounds and the hard-packed soil in town could never quite do.
All the Nagadan boys liked to run out into the open desert, some for the feeling of sheer freedom and others to prove they were brave enough and strong enough. When Daniel had been very young, his parents had scolded him more times than he could remember for venturing on his own outside Nagada's walls, because once in a while, a child slipped out, wandered away out of sight of the village, lost his way in an unexpected sandstorm, and never returned.
Skaara had almost died once doing just that, and only luck had let someone stumble across him and bring him home. Daniel had been very young then, and all he really remembered now was the terror and the helplessness of waiting and hoping for someone to find Skaara and, afterward, huddling next to his brother while Skaara shivered from heat sickness. Kasuf and his parents had been there, looking after Skaara, and Sha'uri had sung them lullabies and told nonsense stories to make them laugh.
But now, he was still waiting and hoping, and he was starting to doubt that he would ever hear Sha'uri's voice or Skaara's laugh again. And the rocks and earth of Earth's Cheyenne Mountain were becoming so familiar now, and his feet had felt the ground of enough worlds, that he suspected running in Abydonian desert sand would never feel quite the same as it had before.
Daniel sucked in a surprised breath as the mountain suddenly gave way under his boots. It wasn't sand, though, or even dirt; it was only a pile of soft snow that crumbled beneath his foot and made him slip. Teal'c turned at his gasp and caught his elbow before he could fall. Somehow, the half-melted snow on the ground made it seem even colder than it should be.
"It is, in fact, the cold season, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c said.
Daniel grimaced. "Did I say that aloud?"
Teal'c nodded solemnly. "Indeed."
Sam would have smiled indulgently at him and commiserated about how easy it was to lose track of one's thoughts. Jack would have snorted and made some caustic statement that was actually a joke. Robert would have rolled his eyes and told him to stop stalling and finish writing up that summary of chapter twenty-six already, geek.
Oh. Oops. He sill hadn't done that.
"You will do so at a later time," Teal'c informed him.
He shut his mouth tightly and resolved to pay more attention to what managed to make its way from his brain to his mouth, since his brain was clearly not doing very well on its own today.
"What are we doing here?" Daniel asked.
"Our Tau'ri friends spend much of their lives indoors," Teal'c said without looking at him. "At times, they forget that others are accustomed to living with fewer walls between us and the sky."
"Yes," Daniel said. "I suppose that's true. Do you come up here alone?"
"On occasion," Teal'c said.
"What if other people come by and hear us talking?"
"I believe that few people will venture here during the cold season, and I would know of their presence before they could approach."
Daniel pulled his jacket tighter around himself, feeling sweat on his face and under his clothes beginning to cool in the chill air, wondering if maybe they shouldn't be venturing out here in the cold season either. "Are we going to somewhere particular, or...?"
"You will stay warmer if we do not stop moving. Moreover, I did not call a halt to your exercises so that you could sit like a rock."
Right. He'd called a halt because Daniel had...something. Whatever that had been. Daniel didn't answer, and Teal'c continued walking.
A few minutes later, when he couldn't stand the silence, Daniel asked, "Do you communicate with your prim'ta? Do you know its thoughts, or what it...what it feels?"
"I do not," Teal'c said, giving him a strange look. "It is impossible. For what reason do you ask?"
(Apophis reared up from the bed. "Amaunet! My love!")
"No reason," Daniel lied.
"You lie poorly," Teal'c told him. Daniel shrugged half-heartedly but didn't elaborate. Teal'c didn't ask him to.
He cast about for another subject and said, "What about, uh...um, Sokar. You haven't told me about Sokar. I mean, I had never heard of him until just yesterday, other than from Tau'ri mythology."
"There is much that you have to learn of the System Lords," Teal'c told him. "What I have taught you of their history thus far is only a small portion what you have yet to hear. Even after years of tutelage under Master Bra'tac, there remains much that I have not had time to learn from him."
That was true. He could hardly expect to learn all of Goa'uld and Jaffa history in a year's time, with all of its twists and intricacies, shaded with falsehoods and biases at every turn, and even Teal'c didn't know all there was to know about the Goa'uld.
"Tell me now?" he asked, folding his arms around himself. "Who was Sokar? Why does he hate Apophis so much?"
"It is not only Apophis who is hated by Sokar," Teal'c said. "Many Goa'uld together were needed to drive Sokar from power. The three who were most essential to his downfall were Apophis, Ra, and Cronus."
"Cronus," Daniel repeated, automatically thinking about where he recognized the name. "From Greek mythology. He was the leader of the Titans. He was said to have swallowed his children, for fear of being overthrown by them."
"Cronus does not hesitate to kill his followers when they become too strong."
"He didn't actually kill them, though."
"In fact, he did," Teal'c said, his tone leaving no room for argument.
"Oh," Daniel said, trying to decide whether there was a second meaning in that. "But one of the sons escaped that fate and defeated him in the end." Teal'c's eyes glittered darkly, and he knew there was something there, but if Teal'c was allowing him his private thoughts, Daniel supposed he should return the favor. "Is Cronus still alive?" he asked instead. "Do you know a lot about him?"
"Indeed."
Daniel waited for more. Teal'c stepped over a patch of snow and didn't continue. Daniel didn't push that line of questioning, either.
"Then," he said, "of those three who orchestrated the defeat of Sokar, Ra was killed years ago, and Apophis...is no longer in power. I suppose we should be worried about Cronus now, since the Tau'ri had a hand in the fall of the other two. He's still in power, right?"
"Cronus has long been among the most influential System Lords," Teal'c confirmed, his lips dipping into a frown. "He is strongly opposed to Apophis. I was born believing him to be my only god."
Daniel felt his eyebrows rise. It certainly helped to explain why Teal'c had been able to believe that Apophis wasn't the only god, if he had already betrayed or perhaps fled from another Goa'uld before. Then again...he wasn't clear on what it was, exactly, that made Jaffa follow the Goa'uld--whether it was actually belief, or years of enslavement, or fear. Belief was of less consequence, perhaps, when disloyalty meant death.
"Who's stronger now," Daniel asked, "Cronus or Sokar?"
"That is impossible to determine."
Of course. Stupid question. Teal'c hadn't even known Sokar was still alive until yesterday; how could he possibly know what kind of power Sokar had regained since his return?
"However," Teal'c continued, "Martouf of the Tok'ra indicated that Sokar is preoccupied with a war against Heru-ur."
"What does that mean?"
"You are not without a brain, chal'ti. Think."
Daniel wrinkled his nose but thought. "So...that means Sokar can't be very strong," he guessed, "if he chose an enemy like Apophis, who was weakened already, and now Heru-ur, who has been trying to build his army since Cimmeria."
"That is correct," Teal'c said.
"I hope Sokar wins."
Teal'c gave him a stern look. "You do not hope for Sokar's victory. You hope for Heru-ur's defeat."
Daniel considered that, then admitted to himself that it was true. Part of him thought distantly that they should be afraid--perhaps very afraid--of what a victory for Sokar might mean for them. The last time, it had taken the combined forces of several powerful Goa'uld who despised each other to kill him, after all, and he hadn't even really died. "That was a thoughtless thing to say. Sokar is probably worse than Heru-ur, or at least no better."
"But it is vengeance against Heru-ur that you seek."
Heru-ur, who had stolen Sha'uri and defenseless, unborn Shifu and then tried to steal him again on Kheb...
"If Sokar defeated Heru-ur," Daniel asked, "what would happen to him?"
Teal'c raised an eyebrow. "No doubt Heru-ur would be executed."
Daniel felt his fists begin to clench again. "Executed. And then healed, and executed again, and then again."
"That is likely."
"Like what Sokar is doing to Apophis, right now."
"Indeed."
Daniel watched Teal'c out of the corner of his eye. "That doesn't bother you?"
Teal'c turned to him fully. "No."
There was little he could say to that. But it wasn't so simple, not for Daniel and not even for Teal'c, surely, despite what he claimed, because he had seen, too, that Apophis was not only a snake, but two beings in the same body, and it wasn't fair.
"I hate Apophis," he said tightly. "How dare he..." Daniel stomped deliberately in a pile of snow, and then found that there was a melted puddle beneath it and only made his foot wet. He shook his shoe futilely before continuing to march on. "It's not fair."
"I find it a fitting punishment," Teal'c said, and Daniel hadn't really been talking about the punishment at all, but the words bothered him nonetheless.
"Fitting!" Daniel said. "What about the host, Teal'c?"
Teal'c was silent for a long time. When he spoke his voice was quiet and dark. "It is indeed a great injustice. We are no longer free to hate the Goa'uld without remorse."
"But even for Apophis," he pressed, "isn't that...cruel?"
Teal'c nodded. "Indeed." He didn't look like he had any problem at all with that, though.
Death might--would--have been a fitting punishment. There had been a moment yesterday--several moments, perhaps--when Daniel had wanted to walk in and demand that Apophis tell him where his brother was, if only because he was sure Apophis would refuse out of spite, and then he would have an excuse to feel no regret at the death of the murderer lying on the bed. If Jack--or the general, or whoever it was--hadn't given an explicit order for him to stay away from Apophis, then he might have reached out with his own hands and...
But a sarcophagus--how could something meant to give life become an instrument of torture? Cruelty to an enemy was one thing, when he was a spineless, evil snake who knew nothing of humanity. Then the lines blurred, and Apophis the snake was not only their enemy, but also--
("Amaunet, where are you? My love!")
--a host to bits and pieces that were almost humane, entrenched within yet another host who was wholly human. How was it fair that they could not heal the man for fear of helping the parasite, could not kill the parasite for fear of killing the man, and could not even heal the parasite with a sarcophagus or healing device for fear of condemning the man's soul? What did it say about them, that the greatest mercy they could grant a host was to kill him, even while the very act of killing him was not entirely for mercy at all but rather to fulfill their own craving for the death of the parasite within him?
How was it fair that their hate for one had to be tainted with guilt, while their pity for the other could not be carried out in compassionate action?
"He was your god," Daniel said. A meaningless thing to say, perhaps, but he was still agitated, unsatisfied with what had happened and unsatisfied with what hadn't. "You saw your god die."
Teal'c scowled deeply. "He was no god," he declared.
Daniel wasn't interested in rebellion propaganda now, true or not. "How long did you serve him?" he said, his teeth gritted now, knowing it was mean and temporarily warmed by the anger it brought. "You did everything he asked of you, no matter what it was. How long were you his slave, Jaffa?"
A muscle tightened in Teal'c's jaw as he stopped and stared at Daniel. "Long enough to see your home destroyed," he said, low and harsh and dangerous.
Daniel flinched, then turned away and kept walking. "I remember," he spat.
A hand pulled him to a stop. "I do not intend to hurt you, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c said, his tone not quite one of apology--it was quieter now, but with a warning not to test him, not to push him any further. Daniel wanted to push, wanted to dig out the rage that Teal'c had to have buried somewhere, because if Teal'c was angry, then it was acceptable for Daniel to be, too, and Daniel wanted to be angry. If he could not see Apophis dead or the host saved--for they had tried and failed at both--then he could at least be furious about the fact, yi shay.
"Did it please you to see Apophis dead?" he demanded. "Did you enjoy looking at his face when he was helpless and--"
"Yes," Teal'c hissed.
Daniel ground his teeth together. "Don't pretend it didn't hurt."
Teal'c narrowed his eyes. "I waited many years for that moment."
"To see your god die?" Daniel taunted, welcoming the warmth of fury as it surged and not caring where it was directed. "You--you never believed it before, did you? You never thought he would really ever be gone and...and be defeated. How many years did you pretend you believed in him, and..."
Teal'c's fist closed over the collar of his jacket and Daniel flailed, off-balance, until he found a grip on Teal'c's arm, too, not in resistance but to pull himself even closer and continue,"...and then you finally knew that he was going to die, but then there was a man he has been using who has been hurt even more than you or any one of us and you would have left him to..."
"Neither is it your intent to hurt me," Teal'c interrupted him, a low rumble that might have been a threat, and maybe was, a little, except that it was also true.
"I wanted to hurt him!" Daniel burst out, his fingers tightening on Teal'c's sleeve.
"Yet you did not."
"No, Teal'c! I didn't. I didn't."
Teal'c gently released him and let him find his feet. "Do you believe this to be a weakness?"
"No!" Daniel cried, then blew out a breath. "He was innocent. I mean, not him. I mean. I don't know what I mean." What heat the angry words had given him bled away. He wrapped himself more tightly again in his jacket and lowered himself to sit on a clear spot on the ground.
Dark, assessing eyes stared at him from overhead. "I watched you kneel to the man I once called 'Master.'"
"Not to him. I would never kneel to a Goa'uld. But...Teal'c, if I died here on Earth, I would want someone to tell me that my soul...my kalach would be returned to my home."
Teal'c lifted a foot, as if to step closer, but then stopped. "That day is not near," he said.
"I know--that's not what I'm..." Daniel dug his fingers into the hard soil, bits of the ground crumbling in his fingers. "If Skaara..." He choked. "If...if Skaara dies somewhere far from home, who would do the rites for him? Or for Sha'uri?"
He could feel Teal'c staring at the top of his head before the Jaffa sat down opposite him. "Your brother and his sister will be found."
"Do you promise?"
"I cannot," Teal'c said quietly.
Daniel sniffed and rubbed his nose. It was beginning to run from the chill. "I know."
"Daniel Jackson," Teal'c said seriously, "if I am among those who find Klorel or Amaunet, and there is no way to save them, I will do for them what you did for he who was host to Apophis."
"His name was Khotep," he said woodenly. "He had a family."
Teal'c inclined his head in acknowledgement. "I give you my word."
Daniel nodded, hating that dignity in death was the best comfort he could ask for. "I shouldn't have said that to you about...about Apophis. I had no right."
"I was unable to reach kelno'reem yesterday," Teal'c said, sounding like he was confessing a crime. "Never have I witnessed such a thing. I waited almost my entire life to see Apophis dead, so that I could rejoice. I would mark it as a holy day."
"Did it..." Daniel said hesitantly, "did it feel...?"
"It did not," Teal'c said. "I was blinded by the face of my former master and did not have the strength to act with honor."
"You're the strongest person I know, Teal'c."
"That is high honor indeed from one such as you, Daniel Jackson."
Daniel snorted. "I don't know how you survived," he admitted, imagining living for nearly a century as a slave. Daniel shuddered at the thought of being forced into that life, not only enslaved but forced to enslave others, too. "I don't think I could have, serving a Goa'uld. It must be hard."
But Teal'c shook his head. "You are stronger than you believe. You would have survived, though I would not wish for you to learn that."
Perhaps 'survive' was the wrong word. Holding onto life was one thing; holding onto everything else, after a lifetime of servitude...Teal'c had emerged as a good man. Daniel was sure many other Jaffa would not have and was terrified at the thought that he himself might not have if he'd been in that place.
"It does you no good to dwell on what has not passed," Teal'c said.
"But I wonder," Daniel said.
Teal'c inclined his head. "Indeed."
"Don't you?'
"I have no need," Teal'c said, almost amused, "when you wonder enough for us both."
Daniel bit his lip. "It's just...we said the words to...not to Apophis, exactly, but Teal'c, he...I didn't..." He picked out a few pebbles and threw them away, then threw a few more after them for good measure. "I don't know."
"On the contrary, you know well, " Teal'c said, catching his hand until he dropped the rest of the rocks and soil onto the ground. "It did not help him."
"No," Daniel said. The word fell heavily and sank into his skin like an ache he couldn't shake. "And. And when I should have..."
When he didn't go on, Teal'c said evenly, "He is one of those responsible for the death of your parents. You said the words for him, and not for them."
Daniel hugged his knees to his chest for warmth. "Yes."
"Do you believe they would have disapproved?"
"No," he sighed. "Of course not."
Kasuf had done the rites for his parents, of course, and there were undoubtedly many others who had lent their voices to ask the gods for eternal peace for the Jacksons. And it wasn't Khotep, the scribe of Amun, who had invaded Nagada, so whatever Daniel and Robert had done yesterday hadn't been for Apophis. But Daniel's dreams only saw the face of a murderer and a tyrant, and it felt like a betrayal, nonetheless.
"Tell me what Jaffa do for their dead?" Daniel asked.
"My people have been a race of slaves for many millennia," Teal'c said. "Few traditions to honor the dead are permitted."
"My people were slaves for millennia, too," Daniel countered. "I know how people can preserve the important traditions without letting the Goa'uld know."
Teal'c considered for a moment. "My father, Ronac, was First Prime to Cronus. He was executed when I was approximately your age."
Daniel winced. "Oh."
"My mother and I were exiled by Cronus, and we fled to Chulak. I joined Apophis's army in the hope that I would one day defeat Cronus and avenge my father's death. There, Master Bra'tac told me that the body of a Jaffa warrior is honored by being burned because the body is no longer of importance when the kalach is free."
("When the mind is opened," said the guardian of the temple at Kheb, "the spirit is freed, and the body matters not.")
Daniel leaned forward, intrigued. "He said that?"
"I had never before heard of such a thing. Jaffa are taught that the body is burned so that it does not consume needless space, but Master Bra'tac told me the true reason from ancient times--that it is for honor, not for shame. It was during those years that I began to realize how the Goa'uld have lied to my people."
"It's hard to know what to think when the Goa'uld twist everything," Daniel said. Teal'c nodded seriously. "We don't do that on Abydos--burn the bodies, I mean. We have burial grounds, instead, where they can be honored. Well," he said, scratching his head, "I suppose you already know that. You've seen those grounds, after all."
"I do not wish to offend in saying that Jaffa do not believe the body to be important," Teal'c said.
"Of course not," Daniel assured him. "It's different for everyone--that's what I study, the ways of different people. I mean, the Jaffa have their traditions, and we have ours, and I know some Tau'ri pray to a god and others don't... It doesn't matter to me. My parents probably wouldn't have cared, either way, except that..." He trailed off, and a laugh surprised its way out of him.
Teal'c tilted his head.
"No, no," Daniel said hastily, "I just mean...I bet they would have said it was a shame they only got a chance to experience it once, with one set of customs. They would've thought it was interesting. You know?"
"I do not," Teal'c said honestly.
Daniel shrugged. "Well. I'm sure they would have."
Suddenly, Teal'c said, "In my culture, when kinsmen are killed in battle--"
"Please don't say that they, uh..." he said quickly, raising a hand, "I really don't want to hear about retribution."
More slowly and with a hint of rebuke, Teal'c said, "I intended to say that we honor their accomplishments; we do not dwell on their loss."
"Oh." Daniel flushed at his assumption but said, "It's not that easy, though, is it. You can celebrate their life, but when you're done, the celebration is over, and they're still gone as much as ever, and it's not any better than it was before. Right?"
There was a pause, and then Teal'c inclined his head. "I cannot disagree. At times, I forget how well you know loss."
"I'm sorry," Daniel said. "I don't mean to--"
"The mother of my wife died shortly after Rya'c was born. As you say, Drey'auc did mourn the loss deeply."
Daniel grimaced and said again, "I'm sorry."
"There is an old Jaffa song of mourning that she sang on that night."
"Sha'uri liked to sing," Daniel said, then bit his lip at how pathetically wistful that sounded. "I mean...go on."
Teal'c hesitated and, incredibly, seemed almost embarrassed. "I do not sing. But I will tell you the words, if you wish."
Touched, Daniel said, "I would like to learn the words."
"Then you must learn quickly," the Jaffa said, strict again, their roles and their balance finally restored, "before your mind becomes frozen along with your fingers, chal'ti."
Daniel smiled a little as he blew into his chilled hands and listened and learned and repeated. And if someone could hear from the next life, perhaps he could give his parents another tradition after all.
Next chapter: " Cultural Interlude"