I see now that when I moved here I was a sensitive and fragile little girl. Under all my sense of humor and my silliness, I hurt and confused because I could not understand how anyone could not like me. But with my mother in law I already had two strikes against me to begin with: I wasn't a "real" Jew and I wasn't a Syrian Sephardic; however I held ( Read more... )

I am so upset. I just found out that MY ADDICTION, the Underground, is banned!!! I can't access it!!! And worse, I have no idea how to contact anybody!!! ARGH. I should have gotten some people's AIM names or something so at least I would have an idea how to contact people so I would know what is going on, whether the site would be going back up or ( Read more... )

I've re-read most of my blog. I cannot believe how emotionally unstable I used to be. I know I have bipolar, but I can't believe that I honestly attempted suicide while I was 7 months pregnant! How selfish and reckless can you be?! Was I trying to kill my baby??? Now that I have two children, I feel so shocked at this action that I am without words ( Read more... )

Well. Last fall and early winter I did coke and DXM like nobody's business. It cumulated with a car crash (I wasn't eating, wasn't sleeping and took too much Xanax, fell asleep at the wheel) and my drug problem was revealed for the world to see. I was addicted to Xanax, still am addicted to Fiorcet. I also pop painkillers like I have a death wish ( Read more... )

I've been on a drug bender for the past couple of days. I've taken: cocaine, alcohol, tobacco, weed, DXM, my pain pills containing barbituates and codeine, and amphetamines in the form of crushed-up Adderal. Right now I'm tired but I've got to look after the kiddies so I'm taking speed to keep me awake. I really wish I'd saved more of the coke for ( Read more... )

I just realized that "Desperate Housewives" is a lot like me. In fact, I feel like a desperate housewife. I've got what I call "Bored Housewife Syndrome" which is a case of every day feeling the same way. Here's how it goes ( Read more... )

i carry your heart with me ( Read more... )

I'm better with words when I don't want anything because then I'm just glad to be alive & words are my happy sounds

I wake a 6:30 AM now ( Read more... )

I'm doing well with my addiction to Xanax. I know exactly where the Xanax is kept and there's a lot of it so a half pill would not be missed. Additionally I have one pill of my own (private stash - 2 mg pill) that I've had for about 2 weeks and haven't touched. I just feel reassured having it in case something happens such as a near-miss car ( Read more... )