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Hopeless
Right now I can feel my heart beat with sadness. I am spiraling into a hopeless nothing that I can't get away from. I can't smile and I feel no joy. I want to say thank you for making me feel this way. It makes me sick that you have the power over me to do this. You are a pathetic person and should not hold my feelings or heart in your hand. ( Read more... ) -
You.
I just want you to know that you are wasting my time, and wasting my life. I hate you. We only live one life and I have to spend my days stuck with you because I am to much of a pussy to leave. I hate looking at your bloodshot eyes, all glazed over and dumb. I hate when you speak, and your voice, and how you are stupid. I hate that my son see' ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
I hate you so much it consumes me. You make me regret every Decision I have ever made. You make me yearn for normalcy. You make me question who I am. You destroyed me. You took everything that made me unique and crushed it. I am without an identity. You make me insecure and unloved. You are every negative quality in me. You are the black whole in ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
The window into my soul is tinted. So dark I can't see in or out. What do others see in me? Kind, funny, loyal, trusting, and loving. Maybe. I see failure, lazy, cynical, and numb. There is a way to make myself feel relevant. To matter in the world. Is there a way to appreciate the person I am or a way to accept the person I will never be? I don' ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
I feel as if i have been swimming in a swamp. Slow struggling strokes in murky water. Unsure of up or down. Only a faint light to show me the way. I am close to the surface, close to a breakthrough. Not so much anything of a psychological level, more of a break in the melancholy. Living lighter only uncertain of what brings the darkness. Knowing ( Read more... ) -
Clearing my mind.
Deep swells of dissatisfaction. I drown in it, luxuriate in it, drink it, breath it. It forms my days, and sits in the back of my mind. Everything is not enough. Myself especially. I am defeated. A dream or an idea left unrealized. I am lowered expectations and shattered dreams. Self Pity is my drug, I enjoy it and despise it. Its my ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
So maybe about two weeks until we close on the new house I'm really excited and a little nervous that something might go wronge with everything the house is fucking sweet so I would hate for something to get fucked up. We will see tommarow we have to sign papers and get estimates. We shall see. -
houses
We are buying a new house. I am so excited. Its in the same town we live in now. Three bed two bath, 2200 sq foot. umm sweet ass kitchen the bomb ass master suite weeeeeeeeeeee. I am so excited.