ben. you are pretty much the most insane person i've ever met, becasue i have known you for so incredibly long and this whole entire entry is extreme bullshit. and i bet you will probabaly read this again today and be like, what was i thinking its not true. think of all the people whoe love you and why would they have EVER put up with you if you were this way. ben i miss you and that couldn't be true if you represented all the things that you expressed. i reeally hope you know that you deserve so much in life becasue of what youve done and how youve treated people. i hope that you know that when i have a problem i immediately know that you could cheer me up or make me feel better. fuck, you came and brought me ice cream and that was probably the only thing that could have ever cheered me up. i love you very much and you are extremely speacial to me, dont ever doubt that and dont ever feel less than you know you are.
::hugs:: I don't think you're a failure at life... and I'm going to tell you what you once told me, because, well... you said it well and it was really good for me to hear... you said that "looking at this in the viewpoint ["a failure"] is simply giong to make your view of the situation more intense than is necessary, it will make you feel more upset and end up making the complication/worry/confusion/whatever you want to call it, last longer..." I think we all fee this way at some point, but I think you'll find that you are so valuable, that other people see you and are awed.
i don't know if you will hate me for responding, after all, it isn't like we have kept in touch, i'm sorry about that but i am so awkward with people, i always worry that it's a burden or annoying to them... anyway, back to you. you are one of the most genuinely nice people i've ever met, you've always been so thoughtful of others.. that's what makes me so sad to hear how you're feeling. although our circumstances were enormously different, i kind of went through the same thing, though maybe to a different extent. i didn't care about anything; i would try to just go through the motions but it almost made it worse, or it made me angry at least, it felt like a waste of time because nothing seemed to matter or make a difference. maybe i totally misinterpreted your post, and i always worry about replying to posts because it's like "what business do i have to talk to you about your life?" so i hope you aren't angry. i can't tell you how to change how you feel, i think what did it for me was leaving sb, but that is only because it
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i love you very much and you are extremely speacial to me, dont ever doubt that and dont ever feel less than you know you are.
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