I know it's been a long time, maybe years, but tonight I'm having a pretty nasty low and figured it's the perfect mood to update. So much has changed in the last few years, and for the most part, I love the way my life has been going. Then I break my stupid foot (disclaimer, I actually love my foot). The difficulty this has caused my physically and ( Read more... )

It's strange to me how insanely inadequate I feel today- like a 30 something who would be better at filling the role of an angsty teenager. I made one of my famously un-thought out attempts at self betterment, which once again left me with a nasty surge of intense failure. Well, technically not failure- just not really great at anything ( Read more... )

And in fact rarely do I need to post here because rarely do I feel this way anymore, but here we are and here I am. Sitting, stewing really in a soupy hot bubble bath trying to get a grip on what the hell is going on with me. To be sure, I get winter blues every year, this isn't new, but I was startling unprepared for how furiously the beast showed ( Read more... )

Lord I am frustrated right now. Completely overwhelmed by where I am at at the moment, and unable to sleep because my mind is racing. There is so much I want to say, but am stopped due to the fact that I already know the responses of what I want to say. I'm silenced into anger- afraid that when it finally comes out, I won't have a job anymore. I ( Read more... )

So I sit in my ever present quandry that has become my daily routine. Torn by the desire to quit or carry on, trying hard to focus on that which makes me feel good as opposed to falling into old habits... I'm not doing so great. 2015 has gotten off to a rough start, all related to work and work alone- I've let it drag me to my dark zone, where ( Read more... )

Hell I am angry, so damn angry, I have to write about it ( Read more... )

Obviously I don't post all that often, so much happens daily, yet unlike the traumatic ups and down of yesteryears, it all blurs together in a strange wash of color and memories ( Read more... )

It's been a while, obviously... I never post like I should, but I am in deep thought tonight and felt the need to write it out. What you ask? well, I have to say I have been celebrating my year mark in being Bulemia free, hooray. but to get here I have had to work my butt off and admit to myself that I will never and have never been pretty. It's ( Read more... )

Well, the year is wrapping up and I have to say I'm bummed I didn't post more often. This journal is my journey, an invaluable look into a life that at one point, I truly didn't feel like one worth living. 2013 has brought about a total change in who I am and who I strive to be, it has to be my most positive year to date ( Read more... )

So here it is, 2013, and as always I haven't posted in a while. Not really sure why except the fact that life has not only been very uneventful, but also I am just about never alone. I have finally got to a point in my life that I no longer dread the stretch of just me and the kids (Yea, there was a time I did) But it also results in me just not ( Read more... )