How often should you get slapped?

[nminusone]

Once upon a time I was talking with QoH about the dynamic I usually have with people I'm interested in, which is basically this: I make a move, and either the other person slaps me*, or they don't**. And it occured to me that QoH had never slapped me, which made me think that I hadn't been forward enough, or at least not optimally forward. (The

Comments

[thezvi]

I think you're underestimating the costs of negotiation. This is not business. Thus, often, an offer that would have been accepted initially becomes unacceptable once you first make a different offer; the offer itself changes the situation. As a result of that, getting your first offer accepted is a very good thing. This goes double if both sides actually want the same thing; you only get rejected if you want something the other person doesn't.

[nminusone]

Thus, often, an offer that would have been accepted initially becomes unacceptable once you first make a different offer; the offer itself changes the situation.

I presume you're thinking of a situation where you ask for too much and that causes even lesser things, which would've been ok, to be ruled out? I don't think I've run into this effect, as far as I can tell, which in my mind suggests that I'm still not getting slapped enough. (Also I hang out in some unusual circles, which may be part of it.)

Still, I think the general principle is valid, within certain limits. Mostly I was hoping to hear if people tend to be cautious or adventurous, and if they're happy with how they are or would like to be different.

[crouchback]

I hate being rejected, so I am less likely to make an advance unless I am pretty sure it will be accepted. It makes me very happy when someone else makes the advance to me.

With jobs, I hate applying for them. When I was out of work, the vast majority of my applications went into a black hole and I never heard back from the people I was applying to. This really, really did not make me feel good about myself.

[just_the_ash]

as an author, an artist

Ye gods and little guppies! If I had to hit on (or present my rump to, or whatever) as many human beings in order to make an intimate connection as I have had to submit poems and mss. to magazines, contests, and publishers in order to get any of them published, I would just give up and buy bulk amounts of Duracell.