I cannot believe it has been almost an entire year. A year tomorrow since you laid down and didn't wake up. A year tomorrow since the very last time I saw the last smile you ever made and the last time I saw you before I closed the door. December first 2009 was the day your heart stopped beating and the day mine did too. It is almost like a ( Read more... )

I realized how much your kids mean to me. I was talking to an old high school friend and said. "you should meet my kids. Well, they aren't my kids but I love them to death. I try to take care of them when I can. Like today, I was helping Jocey tie her shoes and couldn't hold back the smile that crept across my face. And Jordan. I wish I could ( Read more... )

I feel like I am running in circles. I don't know whether I feel good or bad about the other night ( Read more... )

"I love you. It's not a weight you must carry around. I love you. It's not a box that holds you in. I love you. It's not a standard you have to bear. I love you. It's not a sacrifice I make. I love you. It's not a pedestal you are frozen upon. I love you. It's not an expectation of perfection. I love you. It's not my life's whole purpose (or yours ( Read more... )

You're laying across my lap. Don't get up.

Loving someone as much as I love her hurts. I know I am not nearly good enough for her so I don't push it. It is like I am not old enough, wise enough, experienced enough, bold enough, not nearly perfect enough for her. It's hard to be stuck. If I leave, I am stuck, if I stay I am stuck. I am lost. I have never been so lost in my life. I don't know ( Read more... )

I am going to put this up here. Since everything is "Michelle Michelle Michelle" I should wait to write another journal entry. Just because I know this has to get annoying. Just extended update you after a few months. My problem is that this is so ongoing that I know it wont change six months from now. Even if I was to hate her it wouldn't change ( Read more... )

I have been, yet again, letting my mind drive me insane. Tonight I have been thinking about women and how confusing they are. ESPECIALLY when it comes to loving them. Tonight my head managed to drag me from the ultimate high to the ultimate low that I have gone through within the past twelve months. Let me describe that to you ( Read more... )

I am always constantly meeting new people whether it be through someone or randomly at a place blah blah blah. However, today I was expanding. Really talking to people and gaining more of an understanding of the world of which is outside mine just to see if I am ready now for people to start entering my life again. I had a couple really good ( Read more... )

I am way overly stressed. I have so much on my mind and so much going on it's like I am ready to explode. I am not sleeping again. I ruined my schedule. Work keeps switching my hours around and I have to make time to deal with all my bull shit, write down everything for my business and piece that all together, find time for my dogs, family, my ( Read more... )