irritable... WoW is bein a bitch again... actually no, i take that back... my computer is just fucked up beyond all reason right now, i have fuckin cable internet and it runs like its on goddam dial up still... cant even play WoW tonight, i get bout 30 seconds of game time, then i sit there frozen for about 3 minutes in which i can move around, but ( Read more... )

tonight was just.... garbage... i had one of those moments that i often have with my friend ray, where im made to look like the bad guy, and when i try to defend myself, i look even worse... ended up wasting the last hour and a half of my life, when i couldve been doin hw, watchin a movie, or doin sumthin productive...*sigh* whatever, and my throat ( Read more... )

i just got finished watching this movie called "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind", and... well, it touched me like no other movie has ever touched me before. It starts off with this guy (Jim Carrey) whos just basically having an afternoon all to himself. he has the appearance of someone who has a dull, fulfilling life with nothing out of the ( Read more... )

i spent last night and all of today (till about 11:00) out of the house, so it was very fun. yet now, im sittin at home, in my room, on teh computer, alone with my thoughts and one thing on my mind... a few days ago (ok it was friday), melissa came over and we spent the afternoon together and that night, we went and saw a play at my old middle ( Read more... )

It's been so damn long i dont even know where to start... only one person will read this so it really doesnt make much difference what i put here, noone knows except her, and everything i write here is already known by that person... but im going to do it anyways because i have to put all of these thoughts somewhere else other than in the back of ( Read more... )

i woke up yesterday totally hopeful in the sense that id get the chance to hang out with melissa. that hope was instantly shattered the moment i asked my mom what her plans were for that day. "well, we're gonna walk around the house and im gonna show u some things." *translation* "we're gonna take a walk around the house, while i bitch about ( Read more... )

well, melissa got the letter saying she has to go to court for her grandfather... when she called me to tell me that she just sounded so... empty, like that letter just absorbed her happiness and left the negative feelings to take over... and when i called her back, she just sounded so plain and matter of fact, it was so much worse than when she ( Read more... )

she wants me to take control. i need to stop holding back. but how? i mean, i wanna do all of these things, i wanna make her happy cuz she deserves it. *sigh* and as soon as i finish writing this, im gonna feel like shit,cuz she wont be happy when she sees this. i just cant find it in me to be assertive towards her. im used to just askin nicely ( Read more... )

i must admit, life has been a bit busy lately. my birthday was the eighteenth of june, and it was a lot of fun. i graduated three days before that so its nice knowin that u dont hafta deal with any more stupid hi school drama. my mom got me a laptop and all kinda stuff to go with it and its what im usin to type this journal right now. she also got ( Read more... )

this whole time, i beleived that i had changed. i thought that i was doin a better job at bein a good bf. but thats not the way it is... at all. im bein as reserved as i always was. nothings changed in me, nothing at all... she doesnt even think i want her anymore... thats how fuckin bad i am... i really thought i was doin great, i mean, i love ( Read more... )