This morning I went to a Baptist gospel church with Ellen and Alex and it was seriously one of the most fun and hilarious things I've done in a while ( Read more... )

Today I completed steps 5, 6 and 7 and I feel absolutely the same. I think there's a promise that I am supposed to be amazed at this point. Instead, I'm just wondering what the fuck I am doing in this city and gritting my teeth to not throw my hands up in the air and cease to care what the fucking point is.

This is not what was supposed to happen.

It's kind of amazing to me how quickly things can shift in my mind. It reminds me of when Shadow catches on to the two-man con. Same ingredients, (sans an extra pinch of fabrication, which only served to solidify a new perspective) different dish. It's likely I won't be shedding another tear, which is so goddamn refreshing - I cannot even begin to ( Read more... )

In the mornings, every morning - I wake up crying. The past few days have been different in only one respect, which is I don't have the temporary comfort of occasionally hoping that I might be able to fix anything. Time may heal wounds, but trust can only be repaired through repeated action directed towards someone actually opening themselves to ( Read more... )

Also, Melody and I have decided that in my free time, I'm going to constantly circumnavigate Spiderhouse, windows down, bumping the Smiths at maximum volume - so be looking forward to that.

To "sit through a feeling" requires that it go away at some point, right?

Melody is very nice to me. Unfortunately, she hands me information that ( Read more... )

Universe, take this far far away. Have me relenquish control. Have me work on myself, and cease to physically, mentally, and emotionally harm myself and others over the past, present, and future. Have me do this for the right reasons. I give up. Emphatically, I give up. This is all yours now.

Here's an update: I cannot fucking sleep. I stare at the internet like a fucking moron. I read my entire journal from age 19 and up. I read other things I really have no business reading. I feel resentful because I feel like I've been lied to in such a roundabout way that I can't really prove it. I feel jealous because all of my lies are as exposed ( Read more... )

If I was taking a jaunt in your shoes ( Read more... )