Girl with a pink earing.

[nolongercute]

A small amount of time has gone by since Deshon said he loved me for the first time

Comments

You sound guardedly optimistic

[sexyliveamy]

Wow, Jamie--this is a really big deal! Although from the tone of your entry, it sounds like maybe it was too little too late. But at least now if you die tomorrow, Deshon won't have to have the guilt of never telling you how he felt!

I know we could run in circles-it's not his fault and it's not my fault and so many things need to be examined and talked about and dug deeper in our relationship for it to be a good one.

Do you want to do that? Sounds like you need a good couple's therapist! Wait a few years till I get my license and I can totally help you out. ;)

Have you noticed a change in your relationship since it happened? Like, do you feel more warmly toward him or more inclined to be forgiving? Or has it just settled back to the same old routine?

At lest I'm optimistic.

[nolongercute]

Deshon can deal with his own guilt for what he hadn't done-him not having guilt if I died doesn't really have anything to do with me. In fact, I'm not exactly sure it's fair that he'd be nullified of all that time *not* telling me he loved me just because he said it one day before I died.

Anyways, it's been more than one day since he said it and I didn't die.

I'm not sure Deshon or I want a couples therapist. I'm not sure they could tell us anything we don't know-we're both intelligent people, we've just become stubborn and dishearted or something. I don't think I really have faith that someone outside of the relationship could come in and help it.

I think it's about the same, for the most part. We still have our good and our bad days I would say...

Re: At lest I'm optimistic.

[sexyliveamy]

Oh, Jamie, you have so little faith in therapists! You might sing a different tune if you knew the wonders I'll be able to do in my practice! Plus, I think you sort of don't want help, because I think someone outside of your own life can actually help a lot of you're open to it. But I'm studying psychology, so I'm not exactly unbiased . . .

I think you should just like bygones be bygones and forgive Deshon for all those years. I mean, better late than never, right?

Re: At lest I'm optimistic.

[nolongercute]

So I should just settle for this because it's not the worst case senario? All I've ever done for Deshon is let bygones be bygones.

Ok, maybe not all I've ever done. But it's not very often that I didn't let him get away with everything. And then I found out that it didn't matter what I let him get away with, because he was going to do it whether I cared or not. I don't think Deshon cares about my opinion, so why should he care if I let bygones be bygones anyway.

knew there was a reason i didn't like him ...

[littlegothpunk]

all this time, deshon never said he loved you? deserve better than that.

must be pretty strong to put up with it all that time. don't think i could.

I never knew you had an opinion on him.

[nolongercute]

I deserve better than that? I never thought you thought very highly of me, Michael. :p Not that I thought you didn't like me, I just didn't expect you to have an opinion on what I deserved.

Strong or stupid. Or neither...at any rate, I don't think I need to be called strong over it. I was in love with him-everybody does things the don't think they normally would when they are in love to someday be loved back by them. I'm no different.

Really, I just couldn't find anyone I was more satisfied with than Deshon, even if he wasn't saying he loved me and I wanted him to. It wasn't that I settled for him because I couldn't find anything better, he was what I wanted. I just settled for him without him saying it because I didn't think he wanted me as much as I wanted him.

Sorry, that was a longer response than I thought it would be. And I'm not ever sure if it established anything.

Re: I never knew you had an opinion on him.

[littlegothpunk]

well, don't know you that well. this long response helped a bit, though. :) just know that everyone deserves to have their love returned. and spoken.

right about everyone doing things they wouldn't normally do when in love. could tell some stories about that myself.

still think he didn't want you as much as you wanted him?

Re: I never knew you had an opinion on him.

[nolongercute]

I'm not sure what I think about that...Maybe he hasn't given up on me yet, and I'm not completely sure if I've given up on him or not. So maybe I don't think that anymore...I don't know.

new directory

[anonymous]

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