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[nondescriptboy]

i do a lot of self checks. self diagnosis. how much energy did it really take to get out of bed? am i being lazy or just can't write? how well am i eating? how much energy do i have to try and maintain some normal. how glad am i that there's no witnesses to see my daily me. if i started talking about my feelings would i burst into tears? if i made

Comments

[microbie]

You're sick, and your parents are sick. I'd say you deserve a break.

[nondescriptboy]

thanks. i do actually wanna write tho. need to get something done to help me feel like i'm working towards something. otherwise it's a lot of sitting around waiting w/ dread. it's just man, i wish i was just making steady progress. writing feels like when you're trying to run in a dream and your legs are jelly and the ground start to move

[anonymous]

Being on twitter helps. I was never a social media guy but I joined that and I've found it incredible how you can feel free to be yourself if you remain anon. also, since i have nothing better to do i've actually been rewatching mad men. i've reached season 5 and it's starting to drag a little but those first few seasons were amazing.

[nondescriptboy]

yeah i didn't see mad men until i think 2015 or 16. and i juuuuust now finally watched sopranos. the seasons can drag in all the shows either the repeating flaws of the character brought up again and again. kinda drives home the idea that you can either fix or change or just get boxed in and go away. it's like sobriety right? how you can only slip so many times and people just get sick of it. what happened w bojack felt so real. all the cheating and drunk escapades and whatnot that make these shows fun and exciting are just people's flaws packaged in charming ways and in normal tv shows everything gets tied up and resolved.

anyway, storylines get old. the loveable loser/broken hero archetypes and their tragic flaws. the sopranos and mad men esp, there's only so many love interests you can bring in that offer anything interesting. a chance of hope or redemption or whatnot.

obviously also finding parallels in real life too. shoulda got married a decade ago. now i worry i'm just paulie.