Poetry #1

[error_in_syntax]

I have no confidence in my poetry, but here it goes. ^.^

Comments

[miir]

Wala akong alam sa Tagalog bebe, I can't comment... x_x I like this though, it's not hard to understand and its message is pretty clear (plus the title is quite fitting). May kinalaman ba yan sa kagabi (i.e. kaninang umaga)? XP

[error_in_syntax]

^.^ S'okay. Hahaha well I did wake up at 4am kanina. Probably? XD

[yasashiikaze]

Minor mistake lang:
parin -> pa rin

Bakit ka umalis?
Ang tanong mo sa akin.
// nangangahulugang umalis yung persona (pero parang baligtad dapat, kasi may pakiramdam na siya ang napag-iwanan) //
Laway ko kasi ay panis,
Tila halik ay parang hangin.
// nice way of saying how untrue/incomplete the relationship was //

S^3: short, sweet, simple...

[yasashiikaze]

Oops, may nakalusot sa OCness ko!
Tila halik ay parang hangin.

'Tila' and 'parang' are synonymous...
Be careful of redundancy.

[error_in_syntax]

Hahaha. Thanks for the edit. I have this awful habit of typing stuff from my head and never considering grammar. I just rely on what I think sounds better at the time I type it. ^.^

Well, the persona (the one speaking in the poem) is the one who went away. Then with a sudden feeling of loneliness he reminded himself that what he did was wrong.

Hope that clears up the persona thing. :)

[yasashiikaze]

ah! gets :P

[ronin_vagabond]

I liked it! I especially liked the descriptions. :D

[error_in_syntax]

Thank you! XD.

[goofydelinquent]

*agrees* I like this one, too.

...and OMG it's in Filipino! *inggit*

[error_in_syntax]

Thanks!

I'm not used to write in tagalog though, which probably explains my lack of attentiveness in grammar and lack in vocabulary.

[goofydelinquent]

I'd like to write in tagalog but I usually get stuck after the third or fouth line because of poor vocab...(wahaha...I had to ask what nabubulabog meant x.x). :P

[miir]

Oh oh! Try this:

Say "nakakapagpabagabag" twenty times or so.

I still can't do it XD