Be Careful Making Wishes in the Dark- Cycle 8 part 2
Title: Be Careful Making Wishes in the Dark
Fandom: Young Avengers, Loki: Agent of Asgard
Rating: T+
Pairing: Billy/Teddy, Loki/Teddy, Billy/Loki
Warnings: suicide, temporary character death
Summary: Billy has lived this morning too many times. At least he's not alone.
cycle 1 and 2 - cycle 3 - cycle 4 - cycle 5- cycle 6- cycle 7 - cycle 8 - cycle 8 (part 2) - cycle 9 - cycle 9 (part 2) - epilogue
Interlude
Multiverse Adventure: Take One: Noh-Varr
Cycle 8: Day Six
“Whoa, what happened here?” Teddy hisses as they exit the portal. The city is in ruins. Actual ruins. There’s signs of destruction: human remains and scorched brick, but also signs of the passage of time. Weeds are growing among fallen walls and rusting cars.
“This looks like Kree architecture,” Noh-Varr says idly. “We must be somewhere in the Kree empire.”
“My favorite,” Teddy groans, retreating from his green Skrull-like battle form.
“Guys!” Kate calls to the others, squatting next to a weathered statue of a humanoid. The others walk over, scattering debris with every step.
“Don’t you think that looks like…” Loki trails off. They all stare at the statue.
“Everybody back in the bus!” Billy yells.
“Call me that again, you see what happens!” America yells back, kicking a portal into the crumbling wall beside her.
Loki chuckles. “You’re lucky you’re cute,” ze says, and ruffles Billy’s hair before following America out.
Billy looks over at Kate.
“He- I mean, ze- keeps doing that. Is Loki flirting with me or being patronizing?”
Kate shrugs at her best friend. “Probably a little bit of both.”
Billy purses his lips. They walk together into the glowing star-portal.
“It would have looked better with a beard,” Noh-Varr complains as he glances back one last time at the statue standing in New York City, the former capitol of the Kree Empire.
Multiverse Adventure: Take Two: Wiccan
Cycle 8: Day Seven
They meet Alternate-Wiccan hiding out in Kansas with Speed. He’s still wearing his old costume with the headband and the ragged cape, which Teddy remembers fondly as ‘the costume that made Billy look like an anime character’. This-Billy’s cape is more ragged than Teddy remembers, and now that he thinks about it, Speed looks pretty threadbare, too.
Kate asks them what they’re running from.
Speed answers, “Everyone. The Avengers didn’t take well to Billy here taking out a bunch of Nazis back in NYC. Bunch of hypocrites.”
“And by ‘take out’, you mean kill,” America guesses.
Speed shrugs, as if the details don’t matter.
Billy’s double spends the whole time staring at Teddy.
The team leaves soon after.
Multiverse Adventure: Take Three: Kate
Cycle 8: Day Nine
“Welcome to the Triskelion, S.H.I.E.L.D’s primary headquarters,” Kate’s double announces as they are marched inside the tower. Billy looks sidelong at the uniformed men and women that form their ‘honor guard’. “Don’t mind the agents,” not-Kate says pleasantly, “They’re here for insurance.”
Billy doesn’t like this. He doesn’t like the cut of their uniforms or the look on not-Kate’s face or the fact that they still don’t know where America is.
“Say the word, and we’re gone,” Loki whispers, wiggling her painted fingers in an allusion to magic.
“Not without America,” Billy hisses back.
“We’ll find your friend,” Not-Kate assures them with a smirk. Real Kate is leaning heavily on Noh-Varr’s shoulder, powering through the tranquilizer she was shot with not an hour ago.
“Commander Garret has a guest room prepared,” a nameless agent reports as they enter an elevator. Teddy is amazed they all fit.
“Why S.H.I.E.L.D?” Billy asks as the elevator moves. He can’t really tell if they’re going up or down.
“I admire their mission,” she answers as the doors open. This floor seems to consist of a dead-end hallway with no doors or windows. Billy walks out of the elevator cautiously. Will the doors appear as they get close? Is it magic, or advanced technology?
“I’m sorry about this, Billy,” not-Kate says. Her face is artificially blank, so it might even be true. “Hail Hydra.” She presses a button on the console and the door slides shut, sealing them in.
“No!” Teddy wails, slamming suddenly-green hands against the door. There’s a slight dent, like the mark on your dad’s car you hope he won’t notice.
Loki starts to cast a spell, but Billy pushes her hands back down, “No,” Billy insists, “Not. Without. America!”
BAM!
The wall behind them crumples like used wrapping paper.
“I’m here,” America announces. Her lip is bloody, and her cut-off sweater looks more like a scarf at this point.
An alarm begins to blare, but they are gone by the time the Hydra guards arrive.
Multiverse Adventure: Take Four: Dorrek
Cycle 8: Day Thirteen
America’s portal lets out just outside Jacksonville, Florida. It’s approximately as hot as balls out, Teddy can’t even see the bugs that are biting him, and the humidity is so high that the air is just short of being mist.
The distant sound of cars hints at a highway off in the distance, but the Young Avengers have had enough excitement to last them a week. Each of them is a little afraid of what they might find if they wander too close to civilization, so by unanimous vote, they hunker down in the first cheap motel they find.
Their supply of cash is running low, and they shoot down Loki’s offer to go pick someone’s pocket for more, so six young adults are stuck in a room with two queen beds, two uncomfortable chairs, and a closet-sized bathroom that smells strongly of mold.
Kate, Billy, and Teddy are nominated to pay at the front desk while the others go out in search of vending machines to raid. They arrive at the room with eight bags of miscellaneous chips, two small packages of cookies, four cans of Cherry Coke, and a styrofoam cup of coffee (held by Loki).
It’s not much, and they’ll have to find something more substantial in the morning, but for now even the junk food is welcome.
They all look uneasily at the two beds, and at each other.
In an attempt to put off dividing them up, someone suggests they play a game.
“Truth or dare?” Loki asks with an air of practiced innocence.
“Never Have I Ever?” offers Billy.
“Two truths and a lie?”
“Is there a game where it won’t matter that Loki is just going to make shit up?” Kate asks the room as a whole.
And that, dear readers, is how Young Avengers ends up playing “Bed, Wed, or Dead” in a La Quinta Inn in the middle of the night.
Noh-Varr and America aren’t familiar with the game, and Loki’s haphazard and sometimes downright bizarre pop-culture education apparently didn’t include party games, so Kate has to explain it to them.
“The name of the game is ‘bed, wed, or dead’,” Kate begins with the air of a Las Vegas cardshark. “The first player suggests three names to the player to their left. The second player then has to decide which of the three they would want to fuck (bed), marry (wed), or kill (dead). You have to answer for all three suggestions and you can’t double-up. The second player then suggests three names to the player on their left, and so on. I don’t give a shit if you lie on this one Loki, it’ll be funny either way. Any questions?”
“Suggested strategies?” Noh-Varr asks.
Teddy answers, “if you want to be mean, pick either three people your victim really likes or three people they hate. If you want to make things awkward, choose people we all know. If you want to make it awkward for everyone, pick people in the room.”
Kate starts. “Billy: Tony Stark, Halle Berry, and Johnny Depp.”
“Marry Iron Man for his money, bed Halle Berry, and kill Johnny Depp,” Billy rattles off.
“You’d kill Johnny Depp?” Teddy asks in horror. Billy shrugs, unrepentant.
Billy is sitting next to Noh-Varr, and there’s a short discussion of who Noh-Varr is even familiar with. His pop-culture knowledge and Billy’s have very little overlap, so he’s left with real people.
“Jessica Jones, Wolverine, or dude-Hawkeye?” Billy asks, and that’s how the Young Avengers find out that Noh-Varr doesn’t balk at sex with men.
Teddy gets “Diana Ross, Norman Osborne, and Thor”.
Loki groans and tries to institute a new rule that relatives are off-limits. Ze is ignored, and after answering (bed Diana Ross, wed Thor, kill Osborne), Teddy turns to Loki and says “same question.”
Loki crosses zir arms. “Ah, so I’m stuck between incest and filicide?”
“Yes.”
“Wed Norman Osborne, bed Diana Ross, and kill Thor. He’d probably get better,” Loki answers as ze nonchalantly leans across Teddy’s lap to grab at the chips piled beside him. Teddy blushes, and Billy’s eyes linger on Loki for the rest of the game.
In a moment of vindictiveness, Loki suggests “Doctor Doom, Billy, and Mother” to America, and that is how the Young Avengers find out that America Chavez is a lesbian.
The party game does its job, and by morning the Young Avengers have fallen asleep draped across the two beds, piled together like a litter of puppies.
Cycle 8: Day Fourteen
Billy wakes up at 10am, and has to carefully extract himself from between America and Kate so he can use the bathroom. Teddy is awake when he finishes, so the two boys sneak off to find breakfast before the others wake.
The surrounding businesses are mostly fast food, gas stations, and check-cashing places, so their options are limited. With their budget, they end up choosing a McDonalds for the opportunity of warm food.
“Is it weird to notice that Loki’s new body is kinda hot?” Billy asks as they wait for their coffee to cool.
“Yeah, probably.” The two boys lock eyes.
“But ze is though, right?”
“Absolutely,” Teddy answers.
Billy takes a bite of a breakfast sandwich that contains something he’d like to think is egg. “ Should I take that as a compliment?”
“Definitely. Your magic is hot.” Teddy reaches across the table to grab Billy’s hand. Billy smiles, bites his lip, and picks up the sandwich with his other hand.
“I was going more for ‘Teddy’s type is brunette magic-users’, but I’ll take it.”
“Oh. That too.” Teddy risks a sip of his coffee. He winces as it burns his tongue.
“Seriously though, I wonder if he did that on purpose.”
“Wait so you didn’t control what he looks like-?”
“Uh, not as far as I know.” Billy takes another bite of his sandwich thoughtfully. It tastes like egg…
“Billy,” Teddy says urgently.
“I’m serious, you think I actually took the time to think up how to make Loki hot?”
“Billy, the TV.” Teddy is staring at a television that’s mounted to the ceiling of the restaurant. It’s on mute, but the closed captioning declares that “Dorrek VIII negotiates historic treaty between Kree and Skrull-“
“Oh.”
“He did it. Billy, he really did it.”
“Jeeze, you really are perfect. Even your evil twin can’t be bothered to do actual evil,” Billy says fondly.
“Maybe I’m the evil twin,” Teddy says uncertainly. “I’m the one ignoring my responsibility.”
“What-? Teddy, you’re from Earth. You grew up here. You belong here, not in space fixing the Skrull’s problems for them. Where is this even coming from?”
“He’s me, Billy. He’s out there saving hundreds of lives. Isn’t that what a hero is supposed to do?” Teddy takes another sip of coffee for the sake of having something to do. It burns his throat going down.
Billy squeezes Teddy’s hand and looks him in the eyes.
“You’ve been telling us this all week, so now I’m going to tell you: this guy is not you. He made different choices than you did, but we have no idea what those choices are. We don’t know what the divergence point was for this universe and ours. Who this guy is, what he’s done? It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t change who you are.”
Multiverse Adventure: Take Five: Loki Odinson
Cycle 8: Day Eighteen
They run through three post-apocalyptic wastelands before they make it to New York again.
This New York looks a lot like their own, complete with construction crews crawling the streets trying to repair the damage from some super-villain attack or another.
It’s familiar enough that Billy runs off down the street, excited to see if his favorite restaurant exists in this world. Teddy runs after him, dodging pedestrians and benches just for the joy of running.
It would be easy to let fighting for your life leach all the fun out of simple athletic pleasures. Teddy is glad he hasn’t reached that point yet.
Kate takes one look at them and decides to take the high road.
In this case, it means she follows them by jumping on benches, running along low walls, and occasionally using street lamps to brace herself in a bizarre version of “the floor is lava”.
Somehow, Loki takes that as a challenge. Ze and Kate race along the street, swift feet never touching the ground. Kate vaults onto a metal fence, uses her momentum to reach a concrete planter, and chances a glimpse at her competitor.
Kate swears she sees Loki run up a vertical wall, which is clearly cheating, but it doesn’t matter because she beats the god anyway, arriving at the fountain at the end of the street well before Loki does.
And by arriving at the fountain, it means Kate arrived on the fountain.
“I’m still getting used to this form,” Loki says loftily, as if that’s a reasonable excuse for losing to Kate. Loki is clearly full of shit.
Meanwhile, Noh-Varr is incredibly distracted by the phenomenon of New York street performers.
The white-haired Kree stands in front of a scruffy middle aged man with a guitar. The music coming from the instrument and the man’s mouth is so entrancing that Noh-Varr doesn’t care that several frustrated New Yorkers push and shove at him until he is no longer in their way.
“I think I am in love,” Noh-Varr says in wonder to America.
She rolls her eyes, but stays where she is beside him, enjoying the music. It’s nothing America hasn’t seen before in her wandering about the multiverse, but it’s different with friends to share it with. Better, even.
Noh-Varr studies the performer, with his scruffy beard and ripped jeans. He rubs his chin thoughtfully.
Billy finds a pizza place where his favorite deli would be on Earth-616. Teddy catches up easily, because after a summer of clandestine crime-fighting, Teddy is in much better shape than Billy is. Billy would be more upset about this, but Teddy’s abs, though!
New York pizza isn’t quite what Billy is looking for, but once he smells it, he knows he won’t be able to resist.
“Pizza is worth it, right?” Billy asks, trying to rationalize using up more of their dwindling cash on greasy cheesy goodness.
“Pizza is so worth it,” Teddy agrees.
While they wait for their pizza to be made (Veggie lovers, because meat toppings aren’t kosher), Teddy takes the plunge.
“So you know how Luke Cage is your exception?” Teddy asks to introduce the topic.
When they first started dating, Teddy and Billy spent an entire night on the floor of the Young Avengers hideout looking up photos of hot superheroes on their phones. What started with a simple question (‘Captain America or Thor?’) quickly became a game, with each boy trying to find the best picture to back up his claim of ‘hottest superhero ever’.
Along with great memories and a fond appreciation for spandex, that night also birthed the One Exception Rule. Born from a mutual appreciation of unattainable superheroes, the One Exception Rule decrees that if, by some miracle, either Billy or Teddy ever got the chance to get with one such unattainable superhero (whose specific identity was mutually agreed-upon before the fact), they could act on it without it being considered ‘cheating’.
The actual conversation went more like this:
TWO YEARS AGO, EARTH-616: ABANDONED AVENGERS MANSION
“I swear, have you seen Spiderman? He’s like 180 lbs of pure smooth muscle. I mean seriously, have you seen his ass?”
“I can’t compete with that ass,” Billy admits. “But no one can compete with Thor’s biceps. Not Captain America, not Captain Marvel, no one.”
“I don’t know, have you seen Luke Cage?” Teddy angles his phone screen toward Billy. Billy leans in close. His eyes widen.
“Oh my God.”
PRESENT DAY, ALTERNATE NEW YORK, PIZZERIA
“Yeah,” Billy answers, “And your exception is Spiderman, what about it?”
“What if my exception was Loki?” There’s a silence in the wake of Teddy’s question. His stomach drops in anticipation of Billy’s answer.
“Seriously?” Billy asks after a pause. He doesn’t sound angry, just incredulous. Like he can’t tell if Teddy is joking or not and he’s not sure how he feels either way.
“It’s weird,” Teddy begins, because he can’t just leave it here, he needs Billy to understand, “I mean we’ve heard about Loki-the-villain all our lives. He brought the Avengers together all those years ago, he’s one of their main enemies. He’s like the Lex Luthor of the real world, just with magic instead of money. And I know all of those things. But meeting this Loki, it’s like… Like Jonas. Jonas was the Vision. He had all of the right knowledge, but without all of the experience. So even though the Vision was kind-of-maybe your dad, Jonas wasn’t. Loki seems like that. Ze knows what the Old Loki did, but ze’s just a stupid kid like us. Ze didn’t even know how to play Bed, Wed, or Dead. Loki’s pretending to be this evil mastermind when ze’s really just trying to figure shit out.”
“What makes you think that’s not a trick?”
“Ze can turn into Elphaba now. Ze can only shapeshift into forms that are somehow Loki, but ze can turn into Elphaba.”
Billy thinks this through.
“And don’t tell me that you, of all people, would pass up the opportunity to sleep with a Norse god,” Teddy asks with a grin. He’s made his case. That Billy is taking him seriously is a credit to how much they trust each other. No matter what they decide as a couple, nothing will threaten that bond.
“Yeah, he’s- ze’s- hot and funny,” Billy admits, “and I get it, ze’s charismatic, it’s like a superpower. But do we trust Loki enough for this?”
“It’d take more than a god of mischief to break us up.” Teddy slides out of his chair to squeeze next to Billy in the booth. He leans in and presses his lips to Billy’s cheek. Billy takes Teddy’s face in his hands and ups the ante. Billy tastes like cheese and tomatoes and Teddy loves it.
“We’re sickening,” Teddy mentions happily when they come up for air.
“Mm, yeah. Could we get any gayer?”
“Not in quality, but maybe in quantity.”
Billy laughs and kisses him again.
TIMES SQUARE, ALTERNATE NEW YORK, TWENTY MINUTES LATER
Foiling a super-villain attack is a welcome break from their multiverse quest, and isn’t that a commentary on the ridiculousness of their life?
“Metaphor!” Kate yells as Teddy flies past her on green bat wings.
“Bruce!” Captain America calls as he runs up to Teddy. He skids to a halt and- wow. Captain America is so young in this world! Like, mid-20s tops. “You’re not Bruce,” he says, sounding a little lost, but not vulnerable. It makes sense in Teddy’s head.
“I’ll say,” replies another voice and hey- when did Black Widow get here? Black Widow looks ageless at the best of times, but somehow this version of her manages to look younger than ageless. Alternate dimensions. Weird.
“I’m Hulkling,” Teddy says in greeting, and holds a hand out to shake.
“Holy shit, it talks!” comes a familiar, computer-modulated voice. Of course Iron Man would be here.
“He has a name,” Billy shoots back at Iron Man, and Teddy can’t keep the dopey smile off of his face at hearing his boyfriend defend him to an actual Avenger. Black Widow gives him a look, probably calculating how to kill him. Teddy isn’t worried.
Captain America shakes his hand, because he’s decent like that.
“Who are you supposed to be?” Iron Man asks as Billy descends to meet them. Lightning crackles around him, probably intentionally called in an attempt to freak out Iron Man. “Are you Thor’s illegitimate son or something?” he guesses. In the background, America makes a gagging motion. Teddy has a newfound appreciation for Loki’s people skills.
“You guys suck!” Kate yells in betrayal as she finishes off the last Doombot. “It’s like you’ve never fought a Doombot before!”
“That’d be because we haven’t.” Black Widow points out, reasonably.
“That’s… weird,” Kate apparently can’t even form a description of how wrong that is.
“Captain America, Black Widow, Iron Man,” Teddy starts, “Meet Wiccan, Hawkeye (not the Hawkguy), Noh-Varr, Miss America Chavez, and-“ a patch of glitter in the air slowly becomes Loki as zir cloaking spell wears off.
“Ugh, bad taste, cosplay-boy,” Iron Man drawls, “your creepy unwashed idol just made New York his personal stress ball not even a month ago.”
Loki looks affronted. Teddy isn’t sure which part of ‘cosplay-boy’ is a bigger insult.
“Uh, no-“ Billy corrects, “that’s actually Loki.”
This is the wrong thing to say.
Black Widow twitches, and Teddy is so focused on what she’ll do that he doesn’t see the explosive arrow that lands at Loki’s feet.
Billy and Loki are thrown to the ground by proximity to the blast. Loki is cursing up a storm in Norse, presumably (ze sure isn’t reciting their shopping list).
Teddy’s first thought is ‘what the hell, Kate?’, but then he remembers that she’s been using the Kree soul-bow since they left New York, so it can’t have been her.
Teddy didn’t even see Hawkeye during the fight! No fair! Kate is yelling something, trying to reason with them, and Captain America’s voice joins hers in an effort to dissuade his teammates from knee-jerk violence.
Loki lifts one of zir hands and starts a spell, which is apparently the only excuse Black Widow needs.
She pulls out a handgun.
Not even Loki can out-run a bullet. Certainly not three.
The Young Avengers stand frozen. Guns aren’t really part of their world, lasers and shape-shifters and telepaths seems much more reasonable than the idea that one of their own has just been shot.
Loki’s moan is high, whining.
Teddy never wanted to hear Loki make a noise like that.
There’s so much blood.
Teddy lunges for Loki (zir body, Loki’s body), and tries to do something, anything. He hunts around for cloth to hold against the wound. His own costume is not real fabric, created by his body’s shapeshifting. Loki’s costume is more leather and metal than cloth. Teddy doesn’t know what to do.
Loki makes a keening sound. There are tears in zir eyes. Teddy finds he can’t look away.
Billy appears at his side, shoving his cape at Teddy, “Here!”
Teddy holds it tightly against Loki’s body, not sure it will help but equally unsure of what else to do.
Billy kneels at Loki’s side, chanting “I want Loki to live, I want Loki to live, IwantLokitolive, IwantLokitolive-“
They wait anxiously for the spell to work, for the bleeding to stop.
It doesn’t.
Fandom: Young Avengers, Loki: Agent of Asgard
Rating: T+
Pairing: Billy/Teddy, Loki/Teddy, Billy/Loki
Warnings: suicide, temporary character death
Summary: Billy has lived this morning too many times. At least he's not alone.
cycle 1 and 2 - cycle 3 - cycle 4 - cycle 5- cycle 6- cycle 7 - cycle 8 - cycle 8 (part 2) - cycle 9 - cycle 9 (part 2) - epilogue
Interlude
Multiverse Adventure: Take One: Noh-Varr
Cycle 8: Day Six
“Whoa, what happened here?” Teddy hisses as they exit the portal. The city is in ruins. Actual ruins. There’s signs of destruction: human remains and scorched brick, but also signs of the passage of time. Weeds are growing among fallen walls and rusting cars.
“This looks like Kree architecture,” Noh-Varr says idly. “We must be somewhere in the Kree empire.”
“My favorite,” Teddy groans, retreating from his green Skrull-like battle form.
“Guys!” Kate calls to the others, squatting next to a weathered statue of a humanoid. The others walk over, scattering debris with every step.
“Don’t you think that looks like…” Loki trails off. They all stare at the statue.
“Everybody back in the bus!” Billy yells.
“Call me that again, you see what happens!” America yells back, kicking a portal into the crumbling wall beside her.
Loki chuckles. “You’re lucky you’re cute,” ze says, and ruffles Billy’s hair before following America out.
Billy looks over at Kate.
“He- I mean, ze- keeps doing that. Is Loki flirting with me or being patronizing?”
Kate shrugs at her best friend. “Probably a little bit of both.”
Billy purses his lips. They walk together into the glowing star-portal.
“It would have looked better with a beard,” Noh-Varr complains as he glances back one last time at the statue standing in New York City, the former capitol of the Kree Empire.
Multiverse Adventure: Take Two: Wiccan
Cycle 8: Day Seven
They meet Alternate-Wiccan hiding out in Kansas with Speed. He’s still wearing his old costume with the headband and the ragged cape, which Teddy remembers fondly as ‘the costume that made Billy look like an anime character’. This-Billy’s cape is more ragged than Teddy remembers, and now that he thinks about it, Speed looks pretty threadbare, too.
Kate asks them what they’re running from.
Speed answers, “Everyone. The Avengers didn’t take well to Billy here taking out a bunch of Nazis back in NYC. Bunch of hypocrites.”
“And by ‘take out’, you mean kill,” America guesses.
Speed shrugs, as if the details don’t matter.
Billy’s double spends the whole time staring at Teddy.
The team leaves soon after.
Multiverse Adventure: Take Three: Kate
Cycle 8: Day Nine
“Welcome to the Triskelion, S.H.I.E.L.D’s primary headquarters,” Kate’s double announces as they are marched inside the tower. Billy looks sidelong at the uniformed men and women that form their ‘honor guard’. “Don’t mind the agents,” not-Kate says pleasantly, “They’re here for insurance.”
Billy doesn’t like this. He doesn’t like the cut of their uniforms or the look on not-Kate’s face or the fact that they still don’t know where America is.
“Say the word, and we’re gone,” Loki whispers, wiggling her painted fingers in an allusion to magic.
“Not without America,” Billy hisses back.
“We’ll find your friend,” Not-Kate assures them with a smirk. Real Kate is leaning heavily on Noh-Varr’s shoulder, powering through the tranquilizer she was shot with not an hour ago.
“Commander Garret has a guest room prepared,” a nameless agent reports as they enter an elevator. Teddy is amazed they all fit.
“Why S.H.I.E.L.D?” Billy asks as the elevator moves. He can’t really tell if they’re going up or down.
“I admire their mission,” she answers as the doors open. This floor seems to consist of a dead-end hallway with no doors or windows. Billy walks out of the elevator cautiously. Will the doors appear as they get close? Is it magic, or advanced technology?
“I’m sorry about this, Billy,” not-Kate says. Her face is artificially blank, so it might even be true. “Hail Hydra.” She presses a button on the console and the door slides shut, sealing them in.
“No!” Teddy wails, slamming suddenly-green hands against the door. There’s a slight dent, like the mark on your dad’s car you hope he won’t notice.
Loki starts to cast a spell, but Billy pushes her hands back down, “No,” Billy insists, “Not. Without. America!”
BAM!
The wall behind them crumples like used wrapping paper.
“I’m here,” America announces. Her lip is bloody, and her cut-off sweater looks more like a scarf at this point.
An alarm begins to blare, but they are gone by the time the Hydra guards arrive.
Multiverse Adventure: Take Four: Dorrek
Cycle 8: Day Thirteen
America’s portal lets out just outside Jacksonville, Florida. It’s approximately as hot as balls out, Teddy can’t even see the bugs that are biting him, and the humidity is so high that the air is just short of being mist.
The distant sound of cars hints at a highway off in the distance, but the Young Avengers have had enough excitement to last them a week. Each of them is a little afraid of what they might find if they wander too close to civilization, so by unanimous vote, they hunker down in the first cheap motel they find.
Their supply of cash is running low, and they shoot down Loki’s offer to go pick someone’s pocket for more, so six young adults are stuck in a room with two queen beds, two uncomfortable chairs, and a closet-sized bathroom that smells strongly of mold.
Kate, Billy, and Teddy are nominated to pay at the front desk while the others go out in search of vending machines to raid. They arrive at the room with eight bags of miscellaneous chips, two small packages of cookies, four cans of Cherry Coke, and a styrofoam cup of coffee (held by Loki).
It’s not much, and they’ll have to find something more substantial in the morning, but for now even the junk food is welcome.
They all look uneasily at the two beds, and at each other.
In an attempt to put off dividing them up, someone suggests they play a game.
“Truth or dare?” Loki asks with an air of practiced innocence.
“Never Have I Ever?” offers Billy.
“Two truths and a lie?”
“Is there a game where it won’t matter that Loki is just going to make shit up?” Kate asks the room as a whole.
And that, dear readers, is how Young Avengers ends up playing “Bed, Wed, or Dead” in a La Quinta Inn in the middle of the night.
Noh-Varr and America aren’t familiar with the game, and Loki’s haphazard and sometimes downright bizarre pop-culture education apparently didn’t include party games, so Kate has to explain it to them.
“The name of the game is ‘bed, wed, or dead’,” Kate begins with the air of a Las Vegas cardshark. “The first player suggests three names to the player to their left. The second player then has to decide which of the three they would want to fuck (bed), marry (wed), or kill (dead). You have to answer for all three suggestions and you can’t double-up. The second player then suggests three names to the player on their left, and so on. I don’t give a shit if you lie on this one Loki, it’ll be funny either way. Any questions?”
“Suggested strategies?” Noh-Varr asks.
Teddy answers, “if you want to be mean, pick either three people your victim really likes or three people they hate. If you want to make things awkward, choose people we all know. If you want to make it awkward for everyone, pick people in the room.”
Kate starts. “Billy: Tony Stark, Halle Berry, and Johnny Depp.”
“Marry Iron Man for his money, bed Halle Berry, and kill Johnny Depp,” Billy rattles off.
“You’d kill Johnny Depp?” Teddy asks in horror. Billy shrugs, unrepentant.
Billy is sitting next to Noh-Varr, and there’s a short discussion of who Noh-Varr is even familiar with. His pop-culture knowledge and Billy’s have very little overlap, so he’s left with real people.
“Jessica Jones, Wolverine, or dude-Hawkeye?” Billy asks, and that’s how the Young Avengers find out that Noh-Varr doesn’t balk at sex with men.
Teddy gets “Diana Ross, Norman Osborne, and Thor”.
Loki groans and tries to institute a new rule that relatives are off-limits. Ze is ignored, and after answering (bed Diana Ross, wed Thor, kill Osborne), Teddy turns to Loki and says “same question.”
Loki crosses zir arms. “Ah, so I’m stuck between incest and filicide?”
“Yes.”
“Wed Norman Osborne, bed Diana Ross, and kill Thor. He’d probably get better,” Loki answers as ze nonchalantly leans across Teddy’s lap to grab at the chips piled beside him. Teddy blushes, and Billy’s eyes linger on Loki for the rest of the game.
In a moment of vindictiveness, Loki suggests “Doctor Doom, Billy, and Mother” to America, and that is how the Young Avengers find out that America Chavez is a lesbian.
The party game does its job, and by morning the Young Avengers have fallen asleep draped across the two beds, piled together like a litter of puppies.
Cycle 8: Day Fourteen
Billy wakes up at 10am, and has to carefully extract himself from between America and Kate so he can use the bathroom. Teddy is awake when he finishes, so the two boys sneak off to find breakfast before the others wake.
The surrounding businesses are mostly fast food, gas stations, and check-cashing places, so their options are limited. With their budget, they end up choosing a McDonalds for the opportunity of warm food.
“Is it weird to notice that Loki’s new body is kinda hot?” Billy asks as they wait for their coffee to cool.
“Yeah, probably.” The two boys lock eyes.
“But ze is though, right?”
“Absolutely,” Teddy answers.
Billy takes a bite of a breakfast sandwich that contains something he’d like to think is egg. “ Should I take that as a compliment?”
“Definitely. Your magic is hot.” Teddy reaches across the table to grab Billy’s hand. Billy smiles, bites his lip, and picks up the sandwich with his other hand.
“I was going more for ‘Teddy’s type is brunette magic-users’, but I’ll take it.”
“Oh. That too.” Teddy risks a sip of his coffee. He winces as it burns his tongue.
“Seriously though, I wonder if he did that on purpose.”
“Wait so you didn’t control what he looks like-?”
“Uh, not as far as I know.” Billy takes another bite of his sandwich thoughtfully. It tastes like egg…
“Billy,” Teddy says urgently.
“I’m serious, you think I actually took the time to think up how to make Loki hot?”
“Billy, the TV.” Teddy is staring at a television that’s mounted to the ceiling of the restaurant. It’s on mute, but the closed captioning declares that “Dorrek VIII negotiates historic treaty between Kree and Skrull-“
“Oh.”
“He did it. Billy, he really did it.”
“Jeeze, you really are perfect. Even your evil twin can’t be bothered to do actual evil,” Billy says fondly.
“Maybe I’m the evil twin,” Teddy says uncertainly. “I’m the one ignoring my responsibility.”
“What-? Teddy, you’re from Earth. You grew up here. You belong here, not in space fixing the Skrull’s problems for them. Where is this even coming from?”
“He’s me, Billy. He’s out there saving hundreds of lives. Isn’t that what a hero is supposed to do?” Teddy takes another sip of coffee for the sake of having something to do. It burns his throat going down.
Billy squeezes Teddy’s hand and looks him in the eyes.
“You’ve been telling us this all week, so now I’m going to tell you: this guy is not you. He made different choices than you did, but we have no idea what those choices are. We don’t know what the divergence point was for this universe and ours. Who this guy is, what he’s done? It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t change who you are.”
Multiverse Adventure: Take Five: Loki Odinson
Cycle 8: Day Eighteen
They run through three post-apocalyptic wastelands before they make it to New York again.
This New York looks a lot like their own, complete with construction crews crawling the streets trying to repair the damage from some super-villain attack or another.
It’s familiar enough that Billy runs off down the street, excited to see if his favorite restaurant exists in this world. Teddy runs after him, dodging pedestrians and benches just for the joy of running.
It would be easy to let fighting for your life leach all the fun out of simple athletic pleasures. Teddy is glad he hasn’t reached that point yet.
Kate takes one look at them and decides to take the high road.
In this case, it means she follows them by jumping on benches, running along low walls, and occasionally using street lamps to brace herself in a bizarre version of “the floor is lava”.
Somehow, Loki takes that as a challenge. Ze and Kate race along the street, swift feet never touching the ground. Kate vaults onto a metal fence, uses her momentum to reach a concrete planter, and chances a glimpse at her competitor.
Kate swears she sees Loki run up a vertical wall, which is clearly cheating, but it doesn’t matter because she beats the god anyway, arriving at the fountain at the end of the street well before Loki does.
And by arriving at the fountain, it means Kate arrived on the fountain.
“I’m still getting used to this form,” Loki says loftily, as if that’s a reasonable excuse for losing to Kate. Loki is clearly full of shit.
Meanwhile, Noh-Varr is incredibly distracted by the phenomenon of New York street performers.
The white-haired Kree stands in front of a scruffy middle aged man with a guitar. The music coming from the instrument and the man’s mouth is so entrancing that Noh-Varr doesn’t care that several frustrated New Yorkers push and shove at him until he is no longer in their way.
“I think I am in love,” Noh-Varr says in wonder to America.
She rolls her eyes, but stays where she is beside him, enjoying the music. It’s nothing America hasn’t seen before in her wandering about the multiverse, but it’s different with friends to share it with. Better, even.
Noh-Varr studies the performer, with his scruffy beard and ripped jeans. He rubs his chin thoughtfully.
Billy finds a pizza place where his favorite deli would be on Earth-616. Teddy catches up easily, because after a summer of clandestine crime-fighting, Teddy is in much better shape than Billy is. Billy would be more upset about this, but Teddy’s abs, though!
New York pizza isn’t quite what Billy is looking for, but once he smells it, he knows he won’t be able to resist.
“Pizza is worth it, right?” Billy asks, trying to rationalize using up more of their dwindling cash on greasy cheesy goodness.
“Pizza is so worth it,” Teddy agrees.
While they wait for their pizza to be made (Veggie lovers, because meat toppings aren’t kosher), Teddy takes the plunge.
“So you know how Luke Cage is your exception?” Teddy asks to introduce the topic.
When they first started dating, Teddy and Billy spent an entire night on the floor of the Young Avengers hideout looking up photos of hot superheroes on their phones. What started with a simple question (‘Captain America or Thor?’) quickly became a game, with each boy trying to find the best picture to back up his claim of ‘hottest superhero ever’.
Along with great memories and a fond appreciation for spandex, that night also birthed the One Exception Rule. Born from a mutual appreciation of unattainable superheroes, the One Exception Rule decrees that if, by some miracle, either Billy or Teddy ever got the chance to get with one such unattainable superhero (whose specific identity was mutually agreed-upon before the fact), they could act on it without it being considered ‘cheating’.
The actual conversation went more like this:
TWO YEARS AGO, EARTH-616: ABANDONED AVENGERS MANSION
“I swear, have you seen Spiderman? He’s like 180 lbs of pure smooth muscle. I mean seriously, have you seen his ass?”
“I can’t compete with that ass,” Billy admits. “But no one can compete with Thor’s biceps. Not Captain America, not Captain Marvel, no one.”
“I don’t know, have you seen Luke Cage?” Teddy angles his phone screen toward Billy. Billy leans in close. His eyes widen.
“Oh my God.”
PRESENT DAY, ALTERNATE NEW YORK, PIZZERIA
“Yeah,” Billy answers, “And your exception is Spiderman, what about it?”
“What if my exception was Loki?” There’s a silence in the wake of Teddy’s question. His stomach drops in anticipation of Billy’s answer.
“Seriously?” Billy asks after a pause. He doesn’t sound angry, just incredulous. Like he can’t tell if Teddy is joking or not and he’s not sure how he feels either way.
“It’s weird,” Teddy begins, because he can’t just leave it here, he needs Billy to understand, “I mean we’ve heard about Loki-the-villain all our lives. He brought the Avengers together all those years ago, he’s one of their main enemies. He’s like the Lex Luthor of the real world, just with magic instead of money. And I know all of those things. But meeting this Loki, it’s like… Like Jonas. Jonas was the Vision. He had all of the right knowledge, but without all of the experience. So even though the Vision was kind-of-maybe your dad, Jonas wasn’t. Loki seems like that. Ze knows what the Old Loki did, but ze’s just a stupid kid like us. Ze didn’t even know how to play Bed, Wed, or Dead. Loki’s pretending to be this evil mastermind when ze’s really just trying to figure shit out.”
“What makes you think that’s not a trick?”
“Ze can turn into Elphaba now. Ze can only shapeshift into forms that are somehow Loki, but ze can turn into Elphaba.”
Billy thinks this through.
“And don’t tell me that you, of all people, would pass up the opportunity to sleep with a Norse god,” Teddy asks with a grin. He’s made his case. That Billy is taking him seriously is a credit to how much they trust each other. No matter what they decide as a couple, nothing will threaten that bond.
“Yeah, he’s- ze’s- hot and funny,” Billy admits, “and I get it, ze’s charismatic, it’s like a superpower. But do we trust Loki enough for this?”
“It’d take more than a god of mischief to break us up.” Teddy slides out of his chair to squeeze next to Billy in the booth. He leans in and presses his lips to Billy’s cheek. Billy takes Teddy’s face in his hands and ups the ante. Billy tastes like cheese and tomatoes and Teddy loves it.
“We’re sickening,” Teddy mentions happily when they come up for air.
“Mm, yeah. Could we get any gayer?”
“Not in quality, but maybe in quantity.”
Billy laughs and kisses him again.
TIMES SQUARE, ALTERNATE NEW YORK, TWENTY MINUTES LATER
Foiling a super-villain attack is a welcome break from their multiverse quest, and isn’t that a commentary on the ridiculousness of their life?
“Metaphor!” Kate yells as Teddy flies past her on green bat wings.
“Bruce!” Captain America calls as he runs up to Teddy. He skids to a halt and- wow. Captain America is so young in this world! Like, mid-20s tops. “You’re not Bruce,” he says, sounding a little lost, but not vulnerable. It makes sense in Teddy’s head.
“I’ll say,” replies another voice and hey- when did Black Widow get here? Black Widow looks ageless at the best of times, but somehow this version of her manages to look younger than ageless. Alternate dimensions. Weird.
“I’m Hulkling,” Teddy says in greeting, and holds a hand out to shake.
“Holy shit, it talks!” comes a familiar, computer-modulated voice. Of course Iron Man would be here.
“He has a name,” Billy shoots back at Iron Man, and Teddy can’t keep the dopey smile off of his face at hearing his boyfriend defend him to an actual Avenger. Black Widow gives him a look, probably calculating how to kill him. Teddy isn’t worried.
Captain America shakes his hand, because he’s decent like that.
“Who are you supposed to be?” Iron Man asks as Billy descends to meet them. Lightning crackles around him, probably intentionally called in an attempt to freak out Iron Man. “Are you Thor’s illegitimate son or something?” he guesses. In the background, America makes a gagging motion. Teddy has a newfound appreciation for Loki’s people skills.
“You guys suck!” Kate yells in betrayal as she finishes off the last Doombot. “It’s like you’ve never fought a Doombot before!”
“That’d be because we haven’t.” Black Widow points out, reasonably.
“That’s… weird,” Kate apparently can’t even form a description of how wrong that is.
“Captain America, Black Widow, Iron Man,” Teddy starts, “Meet Wiccan, Hawkeye (not the Hawkguy), Noh-Varr, Miss America Chavez, and-“ a patch of glitter in the air slowly becomes Loki as zir cloaking spell wears off.
“Ugh, bad taste, cosplay-boy,” Iron Man drawls, “your creepy unwashed idol just made New York his personal stress ball not even a month ago.”
Loki looks affronted. Teddy isn’t sure which part of ‘cosplay-boy’ is a bigger insult.
“Uh, no-“ Billy corrects, “that’s actually Loki.”
This is the wrong thing to say.
Black Widow twitches, and Teddy is so focused on what she’ll do that he doesn’t see the explosive arrow that lands at Loki’s feet.
Billy and Loki are thrown to the ground by proximity to the blast. Loki is cursing up a storm in Norse, presumably (ze sure isn’t reciting their shopping list).
Teddy’s first thought is ‘what the hell, Kate?’, but then he remembers that she’s been using the Kree soul-bow since they left New York, so it can’t have been her.
Teddy didn’t even see Hawkeye during the fight! No fair! Kate is yelling something, trying to reason with them, and Captain America’s voice joins hers in an effort to dissuade his teammates from knee-jerk violence.
Loki lifts one of zir hands and starts a spell, which is apparently the only excuse Black Widow needs.
She pulls out a handgun.
Not even Loki can out-run a bullet. Certainly not three.
The Young Avengers stand frozen. Guns aren’t really part of their world, lasers and shape-shifters and telepaths seems much more reasonable than the idea that one of their own has just been shot.
Loki’s moan is high, whining.
Teddy never wanted to hear Loki make a noise like that.
There’s so much blood.
Teddy lunges for Loki (zir body, Loki’s body), and tries to do something, anything. He hunts around for cloth to hold against the wound. His own costume is not real fabric, created by his body’s shapeshifting. Loki’s costume is more leather and metal than cloth. Teddy doesn’t know what to do.
Loki makes a keening sound. There are tears in zir eyes. Teddy finds he can’t look away.
Billy appears at his side, shoving his cape at Teddy, “Here!”
Teddy holds it tightly against Loki’s body, not sure it will help but equally unsure of what else to do.
Billy kneels at Loki’s side, chanting “I want Loki to live, I want Loki to live, IwantLokitolive, IwantLokitolive-“
They wait anxiously for the spell to work, for the bleeding to stop.
It doesn’t.