It's been over two years since my last missive. Huh ( Read more... )

There have been a lot of posts on Facebook and Twitter about depression and about how many people are struggling with it. I guess I have been for a long time. Ever since I was very young, about 5, I've kind of wondered about what is the point of living. I would try to choke myself, too ( Read more... )

Still unemployed. Made my way across the country looking for a better life. I've sort of found it. I've found an art that speaks to me and allows me to speak. The pressure gets greater, day by day, to turn it into a paying job, though. To turn my back on hih art and to make money. I wouldn't mind making money if it was because people really enjoyed ( Read more... )

My arrival was heralded by earthquakes, hurricanes and tornadoes. The following week my estranged grandfather passed. While I was somewhat vocal about my mixed feelings regarding his passing - I knew he was troubled and that he removed himself from participating in the family - I was there to sort through his belongings and help make plans for his ( Read more... )

Some nights, I still dream about the wife I almost had. Like the collapse of my lung, it doesn't hurt anymore but I still remember how much it hurt and that's almost as bad for I can't do a thing about it. It's weird that, of all the things that I've experienced, she is still the greatest of my personal tragedies.

So a couple weeks ago I got several messages through dating sites that I still had profiles on. One came from someone who actually seemed great, she just lived 50 miles away. Trading e-mails and texts over the last couple weeks has been fun. I've felt those feelings in my stomach and I've learned to better control them. So much so that she wanted ( Read more... )

It's been over a year. I tried to move on, oh god, I've tried. I just can't. There's an abiding loneliness that haunts every action I take. I've tried meeting new people but I'm convinced I could never bring myself to feel so strongly about anyone else again. I've lost my job, my money, any sense of pride. I don't even have my health anymore. All I ( Read more... )

It's a good thing I have this here. Somedays, like today, I feel like I have nowhere else to go to express myself. I have some good friends I could talk to but with what's been going on with them and what's been going on with me, it just doesn't feel right to bring them down with what I've got to say - I also fear they may needlessly worry. Still, ( Read more... )

I know how I'm supposed to feel. I just don't feel that way.

It's been a while since I felt this in the pit of my stomach. Those butterflies flying around. You're beautiful, cute, hot, gorgeous. You and me, we know what's good in music and movies. You keep me on my toes and dirty thoughts in my mind ( Read more... )